Aug 30 sessie commented on Shut Up About Trigger Warnings....
When I teach about sexual assault and domestic violence, I explain ahead of time what we will be talking about and why it's necessary, even though it can be tough. I remind students to practice good self care and remind them about resources like the counseling center.

I have PTSD myself, but my triggers aren't things that people commonly warn about. That's okay. Sometimes I can handle it easily. I need to leave the room or work on really staying mindful and breathing.

But with things that are SO likely to be upsetting to everyone--regardless of their own experiences--and so likely to actually trigger a trauma response in a survivor, why not just make sure you've set the stage and prepared people? I agree with those who said it is not about avoidance. It's about being prepared and giving people a chance to practice self care around the material.
Jun 28 sessie commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Dirty Pics Piss Off Sex-Starved Spouse.
My partner has a chronic illness that affects our sex life (and almost every aspect of our lives). I get angry at the disease and I often feel overburdened with caregiving. I understand all of that.

I think the LW might be experiencing a great deal of grief and hiding it under anger. Perhaps he and his wife need to work through their grief at the things they have both lost. She has lost a lot. He has lost a lot. They have to find new ways to connect and bond, because some of their old avenues aren't as available. There is a real mourning process involved in chronic illnesses... Perhaps if he allows himself to mourn and grieve and feel ALL the emotions, he will find he has less anger. And that the anger he has is more properly directed at the disease, the state of medical research, the universe, what-have-you. Not at his partner.

For me, anger is almost always about being really, really sad about something that I refuse to recognize. And it's about my bucket of stress being WAY too full and overflowing inappropriately. That's just my perspective.
Mar 15, 2013 sessie commented on SL Letter of the Day: One Word.
@48 Corylea, your housemate took that from Sylvia Plath! "Then he just stood there in front of me and I kept on staring at him. The only thing I could think of was turkey neck and turkey gizzards and I felt very depressed."
Mar 5, 2013 sessie commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sample Sizes.
DTMFA. Not just because the sex isn't great, but because he's making it all YOUR fault. I would be willing to bet* that he makes other things your fault, too--if you need something emotionally, does it become an argument about how needy you are and how you are the one who is unsupportive? If you ask him to do other (nonsexual) things, does it become a discussion about how busy and stressed he is and how a supportive partner would be more understanding?

I bet it does. He sounds inconsiderate. He sounds narcissistic. He sounds entitled. He sounds like someone who is perfectly willing for you to internalize something as "your problem" rather than solve the problem.

(*I might just be conflating this guy with my ex-husband. ;) But the attitude is totally the same, even if the precise issue was different!!)
Dec 19, 2012 sessie commented on Savage Love.
@35, from what I have read, EMDR can be a fairly effective form of cognitive behavioral therapy, better than plain some talk therapy/supportive listening. I don't think it's a magic technique. I do think it is one way to visualize and process. For me, it was much more effective than other therapy I have done. (Then again, this particular therapist in general has been a great match for me.)
Dec 19, 2012 sessie commented on Savage Love.
NOPE, EMDR therapy helped my PTSD quite a bit. You might want to check that out at some point--it's a technique that helps your brain process traumatic memories, so that they are not continually accessed as active trauma. It doesn't work for everyone, but it might be worth a shot as you continue to work through things. I wish you the best!
Jul 18, 2012 sessie commented on SL Letter of the Day: Who Will Speak for the Flavored-Lube Users?.
Dick-flavored lube. BRILLIANT @38!
Jun 29, 2012 sessie commented on SL Letter of the Day: Ovary Up!.
Aw, SHY, I'm glad you made contact! Good for you! I hope good things come from it.

I was at the local children's museum with my kids and made eye contact with an awfully cute, no-wedding-ring guy there with his son. We both maneuvered to have our kids play in the same area and started talking... Two years later, we're still together and very, very happy. At the time, I thought he'd be my short-lived younger-guy sex fling (I'm 11 years older). Didn't know it would turn into such a great relationship. :) So happy I met him that day. :)
May 23, 2012 sessie commented on Savage Love.
Um, sorry that posted twice. Newbie in the commenting (not the reading).
May 23, 2012 sessie commented on Savage Love.
Yes means yes is also referred to as enthusiastic consent. The idea is not to get bogged down in the details of exactly how many times and in what ways one has to ask and receive permission...the idea is to actually communicate (!!!) about your sexual desires and ideas with your partner. Do you like X? Do you wanna try Y? Gosh, I'd really like to Z tonight, what do you think?

It's all about increasing communication and ownership of your own sexual desires.

"No" still has its place! If we all practiced enthusiastic consent, felt free to say no, and respected other people's nos, the world would be a better place.

Best ever cartoon about enthusiastic consent:…