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Sep 3 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
It is easier said than done to walk away from a marriage, but I agree w/Dan's blog poster who said "if you have to lie before a marriage, then don't get married." For SNAP, that's a moot point. But he needs to say to her "look, I love you but I can't live like this. I think we have issues that a therapist can help with. Please come with me to see someone." If she says no, then she obviously is not vested enough in the marriage and he can walk. If she says yes, then hopefully the therapist (a woman, doubt she'd trust a man) would let her know that porn is not inherently bad nor does porn watching make you a pedo. Also, she needs to know that yelling at her husband in public is never ok.

As for the guy w/no sex life, again, it's easier said than done to tell your spouse you want an open marriage, but he needs to instead of cheating (which is never ok, IMO) or he needs to get out.
Aug 20 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@42 - "slash" may have started as a way to refer to gay fan fiction, but has grown to mean, for many people, just basically gay romance - but usually written by and for women, and abbreviated m/m. I've only ever read a couple of m/m fan fiction stories - most of what I read about two guys are published works.
Aug 20 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@18: The M/M group on Goodreads has over 15,000 members, it is one of the largest group on the site. I read a ton of M/M fiction, often w/a GFY (gay for you) slant to it. I don't think most straight men fall in love w/their straight BFF and live happily ever after, I never really thought the books I read featuring 2 (or 3 or 4) guys together are factual anymore than any romance I read is factual. But while lesbian literature holds no appeal to me (or many other women - it is a woefully underrepresented sub genre in romance), there are tons and tons of m/m books written by and for women (see Japanese Yaoi books) - some features teens or college kids just coming out or in their first relationship, some are paranormal (shape shifter and vamps)some are historical (so forbidden!), some are m/m/f (permanent ménage), some are bdsm, etc. They can be sweet, sexy, funny, angsty, incredibly hot. To me they are just another aspect of romance. I've definitely gotten a few of my girlfriends into reading them as well.
Aug 20 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I read "disown" and I don't think of money - I think of cutting off any relationship, which is something many women are not willing to do with their parents.
Apr 16 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I've never understood people like LW1 - your bf is a jerk. He makes you feel bad about yourself and your life before him - why do you want to hold on to him? They say women marry (or date) men hoping they will change; men marry (or date) women hoping they will never change - both are usually disappointed. He's not going to change, so get out while you can!
Feb 12 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
Isn't it possible that the guy has sexual issues because of the meds he's on? And waiting 20 years to get his life going seems like horrible advice. Join a church, join a dating service, join a club or take a class or volunteer...all good ways to meet single girls. 20 years of using a prostitute(and isn't that illegal?) is not the best use of his time.
Jan 15 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I still don't understand what she was doing if her hands were in his undies and she was feeling all around but NOT touching the goods?! What was she touching? His pubes and the crease where leg meets torso? What else is there for her to touch? Why exactly was he supposed to pant and writhe around? If she says "nothing below the belt" then fine, but then she goes and breaks her own rule, and because he does not react like a teenage boy she's thinking he's gay? Weird!
Dec 4, 2013 bookaday commented on Savage Love. would you feel if you had a sister who was, let's say, tall. And your husband always wanted to sleep w a tall woman. Would you be ok w that, not to mention future holiday dinners, where it would be so incredibly awkward?!
Oct 30, 2013 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@30 - while everything "in our stupid society is gendered" might be true, "the vast majority of people are blithering idiots when it comes to gender issues" is not. While gender issues may have been around since people have been around, I never heard of anyone questioning their gender until I was in my 30s or later. Kids going to school as the gender opposite of what they appear, fighting for rights to use opposite sex bathrooms, having gender reassignment surgery - a lot of this is new. Considering that homosexuals are still fighting for basic human rights in 2013 (!), the idea that people don't know or understand much about gender issues (something not taught in schools, not seen much on the news, etc.) does not make them "blithering idiots." I try to keep informed, but I don't understand much about the terms, definitions, etc. about the world of gender. Don't know the difference between transsexual and transgendered (definitions on the web are tricky to follow), never heard of the phrase "cisgender" until reading about it here. There's so much education that needs to take place before people can truly get it.
Oct 30, 2013 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@22 - it's not fair, but in today's society female things are gendered, male not so much. See a baby in pink or lavendar - everyone assumes a girl. A baby in green or blue - could be either gender.

@21 - really?!! Men in skirts who are straight and go dancing that way? Men, I though, usually go dancing at clubs to meet women. Don't see most young women being comfortable being approached by a man in a skirt (especially if he wears it because it twirls and is fun). If this is a club trend, I've never seen pix of it or read about it or heard anyone speaking of it. I'ts like men in make up - was very glam and edgy in the 80s - but now, men in make up - I think people assume either 'actor' or 'gay.' Even the Man Bag (purse?) has never really caught on and gone mainstream.

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