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Feb 14 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

@91:I would never dream of giving condoms to my 14 yr old, boy or girl. I think that is too young to be intimate, so unless they asked...nor would I put my 14 yr old on the pill.

@102: no 14 year old kid is going to want to go talk to strangers about sex!

I really wonder how many people here are parents of teens! I don't think most parents of teens include gay or bi options in their sex talks, and I really don't believe that neglect is harmful or damaging! I would have no idea what to say to my kids if they were gay other than be safe, be careful, and I guess I'd find a book or something. GLBT center would never occur tome, don't know what that even is or where there is one!

Feb 13 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

48 year old suburban mom of two straight (as far as I know) teens. Parents want the best for their kids, and that includes an easy life – and being a gay teen is just not easy. Doesn’t mean disappointment, doesn’t mean being gay isn’t “the best” even - just means, for many parents, an adjustment of thinking, and often a fumbling of how to express that. I don’t think most parents imagine they are damaging their kids when they attempt to say or do the right thing when presented with a scenario they perhaps were not expecting – saying I love you no matter what or saying be careful are not intentionally hurtful and I have a hard time believing most teens would take it that way. I’ve only met 6 or 8 gay/lesibans in my life (that I was aware of, that is, who were living their lives out and open), but have no gay friends, my kids don’t seem to know of anyone in their 5000 person school who is publically out, nor are any of their friends’ parents gay (no one seems to have two moms or dads). I just found out a casual friend’s child is transgendered – and let me tell you, when she said so many of us who were there were consumed w/questions we didn’t feel comfortable asking (but we did discuss among ourselves later) – as this was our first encounter w/anything like that. All that said, I think addressing the porn issue is a good way to start (didn’t I read somewhere that it is not uncommon for teen males to look at gay porn for curiosity, as well as comparison of physical aspects, etc.) – as in, 14 is a bit young to be looking – and if you are looking, make sure you understand most of it is made up exaggeration, etc.

@25: Parents do their best – sometimes they fumble, sometimes they are spot on. And as for your friend’s gay son buying a $30 ring for a friend and the dad felt it was too $$ – my son bought a $30 necklace for his girlfriend for Hanukkah – and I said it was too $$ and made him wait a few more months before giving it to her. Not sure what you think Dad saying “No” implied.

P.S. seriously, boys really do the circle jerk thing? I always thought that was an urban myth – even asked boys when I was in college (and later my hubby) and they all looked so horrified at the idea of whipping it out in front of another guy!

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Jan 9 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

@68 - I agree - I read in a book once where a "straight" character can't believe he's "committed the most homo of all sexual acts."

Jan 9 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

@63 - ok, so have never seen cisgender as a term - looked it up - says "cisgender and cissexual are two related types of gender identity where an individual's self-perception of their gender matches their sex." What? If my self perception of my gender - female - matches my sex - um...I have a vagina - then...what the heck does that mean? Seems like there are terms on top of terms - how on earch do you people (and by you people I mean Savage readers) keep up? I think Dan should publish an online glossery for readers of his column!

Jan 9 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

@56 - thanks for the explanation - certainly helped.

@58 - believe it or not, I did google before posting - I guess in my mind I was confusing transsexual with drag queen (according to wiki, drag queens are often gay men who dress like women, which is what I assumed the above letter writer was talking about). Honestly, there are so many terms, sub catagories, etc. that even trying to follow the info in the link you provided can make your head swim!

Jan 9 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

"Wanting to be with a woman who has a dick is an almost exclusively straight male kink/obsession/wild side." Ok, please don't yell at me - but I'm a bit confused. I thought -obviously erroneously - that a trans as described in the letter above was a gay guy who liked to dress as a woman (as seen in clubs in Vegas - or Chandler's dad on Friends, etc.) - but unlike transvestites (who I thought were usually straight), they were gay - and had male lovers who wanted to be with these men-who look-like-women. But then Dan says it's usually (?) straight guys who want to be with the men-who-look-like-women (and you can call him? her? a chick with a dick - but unless they've had the surgery legally that is a guy, not a woman with a dick - or am I getting that wrong too?). Usually I get what the letter writer is talking about in this column, but I must admit (from my middle age straight suburban housewife w/no contact w/anyone outside of monogamous straight couples - no one I know (that I know of!) is gay or into bdsm or kink or anything interesting in the ever changing world of sexualilty!)perspective, I'm confused.

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Dec 5, 2012 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

Said it last week, will say it again...have never met anyone poly, never heard of anyone poly in my family or among family n friends of friends. Refuse to believe it's common. Have known of lots of people who divorce due to cheating. Seems most people are not ok w the whole multiple partner thing. I think the chance of someone who wants multiple partners finding someone else who is ok w that is actually pretty rare. For most people I think saying "I'm poly and I can't help it, it's the only way I'll be happy" is just viewed as an excuse to cheat. Must be a hidden thing, can't see this getting societal acceptance in our lifetime. Feel sorry for kids raised this way...most people in the 'burbs would freak out if their kids were playing w someone w multiple parents...just outside most people's comfort zone.

Nov 29, 2012 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

I'm 48 yr old divorced suburban mom. I've lived in NY, CA and points in between. Yet I've never met anyone in a poly relationship, never heard anyone discussing their brother or sister or second cousin twice removed who said "oh, my sister is in a marriage w a man and a woman" or "that crazy Cousin Joe, married but totally has her permission to sleep around." Either it's a secret hidden by the masses or it's really not as common as the posters here think. That alone makes me side w the "poly is a choice / preference" people.

Oct 24, 2012 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

@17: if it was her bf who fooled around w his guy roomie, I bet people would be totally freaked. Not sure why two girls together is sexy and fun while two guys scares most people.

Sep 12, 2012 bookaday commented on Savage Love.

@88 - I agree - seems like if she was inserting something and broke her hymen (or caused herself pain because of a thick barrier and small opening) and then there was blood - that could really throw her for a loop (and she'll be freaking out thinking she is no longer a virgin, etc.). Overall, I think 14 is too young (most of the time) to start w/toys, etc. For thousands of years, humans have found a way to get themselves off, and I have no doubt that if the niece has been horny, she has figured out masterbating w/o a helpful (?) aunt! Toys and other things can come later, w/sexual maturity.