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Oct 19 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
It never occurred to me to have the Trump talk with my daughter, who is now in college, because I am one of the few (I guess) women who has never had an incident like this happen. No man in my memory has ever brushed up against me and groped or touched or even been questionably inappropriate. I have no idea if this has happened to friends, no one has ever mentioned this sort of thing (one friend was molested by her piano teacher, other than that no one has ever said a word). That said, I cannot tell you how many male and female friends I have (age range mid 40s to mid 60s) who see what Trump said in that video as No Big Deal. Over and over I've heard "it IS just locker room talk, it IS the way rich powerful guys talk about women, he WAS just bragging, doesn't mean it happened, in NO WAY is what he was talking about sexual assault..." I don't even know what to say about it anymore.
Jul 20 bookaday commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My 13-Year-Old Son Is Watching Gay Porn.
My son used our computer to access porn at around the same age. His younger sister found out and freaked out and told me. I talked to him and reminded him that a) looking at porn is a normal desire in a teenage boy; b) what he sees is over exaggerated; c) he could come to me or his father with any questions; d) try not to use computer for porn since we ended up w/a virus that caused countless porn-y pop ups and cost me $ to have someone come and fix it!

@#2: my 18 year old daughter would no more know how to troubleshoot anything to do with a computer or router, (or even how to use anything other than the most basic parts of her new cell phone) than a little kid (and her 20 year old brother is not much better). And why wouldn't a teen ask a mom for tech help? Are you saying don't ask parents, or specifically don't ask a mom?
Nov 5, 2015 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@5 – my ex only ever did two positions – me on top or basic missionary. We tried him from behind all of once and he couldn’t quite get the hang of it. It was a sexless marriage for many years. I’m amazed how many women I know who are (or were) in sexless marriages because the husband just was not interested. I truly don’t believe the men were having affairs; they just, in their mid-late 30s, lost interest , couldn’t be bothered, etc. (some were once every few months, some were once a year – for me, there were 10 sexless years (16 total - after the first 2, the sex dwindled - years later I can still pretty much enumerate the times we had sex after year 2. I stayed for the kids and never even thought of finding someone else – outside the no-sex, I loved my life, so to me it was a worth-it sacrifice). I do know a few women (late 40s-early 50s) who would be thrilled to never have sex again and have basically told their husbands “once a week on this night and that’s it – take it or leave it” – of course, they take it.
May 27, 2015 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@26 - while I have no issue with a woman who closes her eyes during sex - heck, I can't imagine hitting the big O with open eyes - you are not really correct when you say "be happy that she is one of the women who can orgasm purely from your dick in her vagina." Because she is not orgasming purely from DiV...she has to masturbate her clit pretty furiously to get there- seems to me the DiV does nothing for her orgasm. If she were the rare woman who could orgasm just from DiV, no outward stimulation, that'd be another story (from what I understand, less than 25% of women orgasm from intercourse alone - unless you are a romance novel heroine, in which case it happens every time, including the first time).
Apr 29, 2015 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
Is 62 old? I have a friend who will be 60 next month - her kids are just starting out in college, she looks great, barely a wrinkle on her face, good body, and a very active sex life w/her husband (who from all accounts can't keep his hands off her - and he's 5 years younger). I have no doubt that if she were single and out there she'd find plenty of men of all ages who would be interested. Maybe not guys in their 20s, but 30s for sure!
Apr 15, 2015 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
@rowing at dawn: I’m not saying trans women or men are required to have surgery. I’m saying that for many, many people, trans is not something understood all that well and to those people, your genitals should line up w/you gender – people don’t get it otherwise. Is it fair? No. Is it something that can hopefully one day change? Sure. You’re right – many here are making the assumption that Connie has male genitals. Maybe she does and maybe she doesn’t. However, from the sound of the letter, she probably does; otherwise I don’t know that LW would be so freaked out that people know he was sleeping w/her. People hear you’re sleeping w/a woman w/a penis the automatic thought is “wow, I didn’t know John was gay! He must be, as he’s having sex w/a penis.” If Connie didn’t want to be a secret, she needed to put that out there to LW from the beginning. Yes, she was a lovelorn fool like so many others who write in to this column. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some responsibility towards how the relationship turned out. He says he “figured out” she was in love with him. If she didn’t tell him – again, her responsibility to be honest about her feelings and what she wanted from him and the relationship. And I think you made quite a presumption yourself to assume that STUNG was sleeping w/others on the side. Maybe he was. Maybe it was not an exclusive relationship. Maybe Connie had other partners too. A brief letter to an advice column leaves out too many details for us to know exactly what happened between them for 4 years. Connie was wrong in outing him, he should move on, she should move on, and he needs to be honest about with himself about what he wants in a future relationship as well as honest about his past relationship w/Connie to any new partners.
Apr 15, 2015 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
Sorry, but I disagree about Mr I'm a Nice Guy and Connie. First of all, he said Connie has been contacting him and he's ignored her, so for those saying "leave her alone" - he is. Secondly, she allowed herself to be kept his secret - as Dear Abby always says, no one can take advantage of you w/o your permission. If she didn't like it, she could have left. And finally - most likely he grew up believing that if you have sex w/a penis you are gay or at least bi. Definitions have changed, sexuality has become more ambiguous - but for most people, if a guy is sexually active w/a dick, he's gay or bi. Dick can belong to another guy or a trans girl, but piv makes "straight" sex and p/p makes "gay" sex. You don't have to like it and can work to change that definition, but for now that's the way it's generally seen. And if you are a chick-w-a-dick, you are, to most people, a guy playing dress up. Unless you are truly familiar w someone who is trans, your definition of a "true trans" is "have you had genital surgery?" Because if you are a guy w/a vag or a girl w/a dick, you are not really a guy or a girl - girls have vaginas and boys have penises and getting people to understand that's not always the case will take decades!. So yeah, lw thinks this is something to hide, it's kinky, whatever - because it's not the norm and it sounds like that's what he's striving for.
Dec 24, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
My 19 year old son is 5'2". His high school girlfriend was 5' 4". He's single now but seems to have girls who are interested flocking around him in college. Granted, it's not always easy and I worry about his height affecting him in the long run, but he's a great kid, lots of friends (most of whom are 6' and taller!), athletic, good personality, and since there is nothing he can do about his height, he just ignores it. Rather than online dating, where you are immediately judged by looks and stats, join a group or take a class- bookclub, bowling, hiking, cooking - you never know who you will meet! One thing I can suggest (not to sound racist, but) - Asian and Jewish women tend to be shorter (I'm 5' 2.5" and the tallest of most of my friends!)...
Nov 19, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
I'm a mom of two grown kids, never in my life have I heard of dropping a 5 yr old at a babysitter's house. She's a kid who probably is in bed by 8 or so, better to get a sitter and go to a hotel. Aren't most sitters teens?! Those here suggesting daytime kink, doesn't the couple have to work?
Sep 3, 2014 bookaday commented on Savage Love.
It is easier said than done to walk away from a marriage, but I agree w/Dan's blog poster who said "if you have to lie before a marriage, then don't get married." For SNAP, that's a moot point. But he needs to say to her "look, I love you but I can't live like this. I think we have issues that a therapist can help with. Please come with me to see someone." If she says no, then she obviously is not vested enough in the marriage and he can walk. If she says yes, then hopefully the therapist (a woman, doubt she'd trust a man) would let her know that porn is not inherently bad nor does porn watching make you a pedo. Also, she needs to know that yelling at her husband in public is never ok.

As for the guy w/no sex life, again, it's easier said than done to tell your spouse you want an open marriage, but he needs to instead of cheating (which is never ok, IMO) or he needs to get out.