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May 30 Beguine commented on Living Near Skinny People Makes Overweight People Unhappy.
I suspect this may be related to the same studies that show that overweight people are also less successful at loosing weight (and more likely to gain more) if they're surrounded by people that constantly make judging or belittling comments about their weight or about how disgusting it is to be overweight in general. Not that every person with a healthy BMI is automatically judgey, but I hope no one here is fooling themselves that by being a sanctimonious asshole to someone who's fat you're "helping" them. Yes, there is a huge obesity problem in this country and that carries serious health consequences, but if you aren't their doctor or their concerned lover/family member/very close friend, it probably isn't your place to address that with a particular overweight individual.. You aren't saving America one bitchy comment at a time.
Oct 21, 2013 Beguine commented on Asexuality Conquers Japan!.
It will be interesting to see what social reforms the prime minister makes, and how long they take to make an impact. It doesn't sound like corporate culture has caught up with the realities of modern life, and it will probably take government mandated reforms (daycare, mandated shorter work weeks, mandatory provision of maternity leave, protection from being layed off for being married and female) for things to change. Come to think of it, we could use a couple of those things here.
Sep 19, 2013 Beguine commented on Secretly Feeding Chicken Stock to Vegetarians.
I sympathize with feeling pressured to basically learn an entirely new set of cooking skills or even an entirely different set of dishes for one guest (though she's wrong about the vegetable broths. It's totally possible to make an awesome one). At the same time, the solution is 'don't invite your vegetarian friends to your dinner parties'. You can invite them out to eat, or invite them to a potluck, or invite them for dessert after, or just both of you deal with the fact that they're going to have to eat before they get there if you want them to be there the whole time (at a birthday party, for example) but if all of the main dishes you are proud of contain meat, don't put them or yourself through the aggravation. Getting fewer dinner invitations and fewer dining options is already a price of admission for choosing to be a vegetarian. Getting tricked into eating something you aren't comfortable with because someone else thinks your comfort level is dumb just isn't right.
Sep 18, 2013 Beguine commented on SL Letter of the Day: OKStupid.
@5-9 Um, but her profile clearly does NOT have the casual sex box checked which means she had made it clear that this wasn't the kind of offer she was interested in. Taking a swing when you don't know whether or not the other person is interested is one thing (though with that kind of offer you better be prepared to back off fast and graciously if there's any sign the attention isn't wanted or is interpreted as threatening during an in-person encounter). It's another when the person has indicated they aren't interested (either in you or in what you're proposing) and you just ignore what they want. That's called harassment. Somewhere around the 900th harassing email from some random jackass I could certainly see someone loosing their temper and laying the snark down, even if the poor widdle harasser went through all the trouble of using spellcheck and didn't even use any swear words.
Sep 13, 2013 Beguine commented on SLLOTD: Women's Work.
@4 Um...no. If someone wants to live in squalor while they are single, that's on them (though I thought common courtesy dictated you pick up after yourself when the SO is coming over). If you're married or you're just living together, the solution is not "the most piggy person gets out of doing all the work by just waiting for the neat person to get fed up AND the neat person should just put up with the work being doubled because the piggy person can't be bothered to use the hamper."

Dan's solution is workable IF one person doesn't mind those kinds of jobs, AND generally if one person is not working outside the home or only working part time (stuff moving and bug killing take up a much smaller percentage of the time out of work than vacuuming, shopping, washing clothes etc). Otherwise, if both of you work and you can afford it, you hire someone to do some of the cleaning. If you can't afford it, you you find an equitable solution that takes into account people's preferences but also is fair to everyone's time, and that probably means taking on at least some tasks that you don't like and learning not to be "bad" at them.
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Mar 12, 2013 Beguine commented on Wait, Who the Hell Is Dr. Benjamin Carson?.
@11: The way I hear it from the Hopkins medical students, he's a creationist (and a jackass). Don't get me wrong, he's a damned amazing surgeon, but I don't expect a lot of fact-based thinking from someone with scientific training that can ignore basically every biological discovery for the last century.
Jan 4, 2013 Beguine commented on Purity Culture Is Rape Culture.
@14: I am sure ig you asked 99% of people involved in purity culture if non-virgins should be raped, they'd say 'of course not." But as a woman who left the purity culture pointed out on her blog, the hyper-focus on complete sexual purity shifts the focus from sex being consensual to sex being allowed (ie: within the bonds of matrimony). Under this system, rape is seen as just another sexual sin, in the same category as entirely consensual and loving (but non-married) hanky-panky, or even just sexy thoughts at the extremes.. Additionally, purity culture commonly also emphasizes that women shouldn "tempt" men by dressing in what they have decided is an 'immodest" wayt, which makes the woman responsible for the man's emotions and actions.

Tl;dr Purity culture can be the basis for rape culture, even if individual people wearing purity rings aren't running around screaming "rape the sluts!":
Nov 29, 2012 Beguine commented on What Does a Good Girl Do?.
Are we supposed to also class the "doesn't report date rape because she decides it must be her fault" and "puts up with street harassment with a smile like a good girl" as 'benign silly little fantasies', 47, or have you decided I'm allowed to be offended by those ones? The thing is, you're treating good girl gina like something showing up on, I dunno, whatever the modern equivalent of penthouse forums are (does x-tube have forums?), but as 45 has pointed out, Reddit is not a porn site or a Storm-front like backwater for misogynists, it's one of the most important sites on the internet. And this meme is filed under advice, not twilight-for-menz. And the advice for men is pictured with a regular looking guy grinning like he's having great time doing things that make him a (sometimes over the top) decent person. The woman version is pictured with a model giving an I'm-smiling-to-be-attractive smile doing things that, as you correctly identify, make her a submissive sex-fantasy. Let me repeat that: this is presented, not as a sexy wish-fulfillment fantasy, but as how actual women should behave if they want credit for being 'good'. Men should not call people out for forgetting their names and should give you beer if they pirate your wifi. Men should be decent people. Women should...cook and give blowjobs. And should warn you before hand that there's no way they're going to have sex with you so you don't waste your time pretending to find them interesting conversationalists. And not mind so much if they're sexually harassed. Women shouldn't be people who behave decently, they should be obedient fantasies that provide comfort on demand and literally disappear when they can't provide those things (ie-just leave for 4 days when they're on their period). You really don't see why that's problematic?
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Nov 28, 2012 Beguine commented on Savage Love.
I think Dan's mostly right about poly being more a thing you do than a thing you are, and I've never heard of a poly bashing. However, there is one thing that polyamory has more in common with LGBT than BDSM and that's the question of legal recognition of relationships (I don't think any of the sane people into BDSM would argue that a slave contract is something that should be legally binding for real instead of something you could walk away from if you chose). For people who are poly with primary and secondary partners, the current system works just fine. However, for more balanced arrangements, there's only one person that gets the health insurance and visitation rights. I think legal acknowledgement of poly relationships could be potentially more complex than acknowledging same sex relationships, and given the genuine danger of the exploitation of young women by fundamentalists from traditionally polygamous religions, perhaps more problematic, but I can see facing the choice of deciding which of your equally loved male partners gets to come to your hospital beds should you get sick and feeling like you're in somewhat of the same boat as someone who's gay.
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Nov 11, 2012 Beguine commented on Sunday Morning News.
If these tweeters were in the work force or even in college, I'd be fine with it. Freedom of speech does not preclude responsibility for your speech. However, they're still dumb adolescents.. Maybe contacting the school administraters and telling them that some unnamed students who had been traced to their school had made racist comments would have been appropriate, so that the school could maybe address the issue with the student body as a whole, but this seems a bit far.
 
 

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