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Eva Hopkins
SLOG FAN
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Bio

I'm a writer & artist with experience in the comic book industry I'm also a… more »

TMI

  • Barsuk or Fantagraphics
  • I hate living in Seattle or I wish I lived in Seattle
  • Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
  • Punch Buggy or Slug Bug
  • Frank Gehry or Rem Koolhaas

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Eva Hopkins is drawing. .
Dec 26 Eva Hopkins commented on How to Tell Your Children They Are Not Artists.
I assume this is trollbait.

Kids will have many years of adjusting their view of the world & their place in it to match their abilities. But most kids draw, or sculpt w/ Play-doh or build with blocks because it's a form of expression. Why limit their forms of expression so early in life?

Also, the hare made have made true art..but he's still a dick. The moral of that story is it's OK to be a dick if you're super talented.

:/
Dec 20 Eva Hopkins commented on Yeah, That Was Savage Singing His Musical Theater Heart Out on the Last Episode of Colbert.
There's Dan! (It's like where's Waldo.) But he actually had a dressy jacket on over the tee shirt.

Still fond memories of him making Colbert break character: "Well, is it adultery if I'm at one end of the guy, & my husband's at the other..?"

http://a5.img.talkingpointsmemo.com/imag…

I like the way James Franco is side-eyeing Dan here. "How'd he get in front of me?"

http://a5.img.talkingpointsmemo.com/imag…

Dec 9 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
So, I guess now that there's no unregistered comments / trolling that way, they're now going to create burner accounts with really stupid names, so they can say their really stupid things..?

(This is OBVIOSULY not any of you regular Sloggers, RE: 14, & that's all the attention I'm gonna give it.)

Dan: this column does Ann Lander's desk proud. The dances of gender & manners & pronouns is totally wearying, & I want to be respectful of people's choices. Thanks for wrapping solid advice in some festive snark. I've seen the gender line of folks younger than me blurring for years, & I look forward to time when the current constraints of gender are less, but our appreciation of each other on all stops of the gender spectrum is more. In the meantime..the pronoun tango continues.
Nov 24 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Nobody Expects the Nice Girl Inquisition!.
YAY, @95, @96, I'm glad I was right & Dan & Terry weren't offended, but I think the points the others brought up will be food for thought for me for awhile. I'm bi, but perceived until you know me as straight, & I don't think of myself often in a position like that.

& @95, I'm doubly happy you wrote back. There is seldom a clean-cut "happy ending" resolution to debates like the one your letter caused. The only thing I'm cranky about now is, since this letter posted I've been jonesing for cupcakes.

;)
Nov 23 Eva Hopkins commented on The Co-Founder of the Human Rights Campaign—Terry Bean—Has Been Arrested for Allegedly Fucking a 15-Year-Old Boy.
@ 22, where did you hear that..?

We know you're in a hurry, Dan, but of course will be waiting for your longer take on all this. If this turns out to be true, it wouldn't be the first time someone who does a lot of good social work had seedy underpinnings. I've known enough people who lived that dichotomy that it feels like a trope.
Nov 23 Eva Hopkins commented on Honduran Beauty Queen Murdered by Her Boyfriend.
Oh look, more distraction & derailment.

Those doing it should know that the rest of us have your #. There's not a single time online when I've brought up or tried to discuss male on female harassment, abuse or domestic violence / intimate partner violence / even catcalling, street harassment, *without* said conversation being hijacked, usually by a man (no offense men who are allies, straight, bi, gay, etc) with how bad men have it, or what about men.

All due respect time: a man started this conversation, a man who I've seen mature into an ally! ;) Why not follow that idea & seriously weigh out the cultural problems before us, rather than pick to death the humorous vehicle these ideas were presented by? What's really happening here is we're trying to talk about the problem at hand..yet another woman murdered by a partner, happens all over the world..but instead it's turned into a situation like when conservatives yell: "Benghazi!", or the birth certificate fiasco. *distraction distraction distraction* MEANWHILE, back in the real world:

This happens -

http://www.sfgate.com/crime/article/S-F-…

& this:

http://mic.com/articles/100950/in-the-pa…

This also:

http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local/a…

& this occurs:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/08/14/new…

This too:

http://www.wmcactionnews5.com/story/2682…

Sometimes this:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/04/2…

But by all means, keep swinging your dicks around, guys. 'cause what's really important here is what internet stranger said what about the likely inaccurate figures used by a standup comedian. *eyerolling into infinity*

(Must again disclaim: if you're a man & you're seriously discussing the subject as presented by Dan, my apologies, none of this is about you. Obv. *mwah*)

P.S.: As a bi woman, I've been a relentless activist for LGBT (& then later as I learned about 'em, Q & A) rights since the ACT*UP days of New york City. (though hopefully if I'd have been straight as a pin I woulda done so anyhow.) Bleecker Street was one of the backdrops of my younger days & I've been lucky to seek out community at my various past addresses - 12 addresses, 7 cities, 4 states. I'd hope that just as I've donated, protested, written legislators & voted my heart in support of my LGBT friends - especially my gay dude friends, some of who started as kind of misogynist - I really hope those guys pull for my rights as a woman, just as hard as I've thrown my shoulder into the pursuit of theirs/ours. & my rights as a woman are seriously eroding, just as my friends (& mine, should I happen to partner up with a woman) are definitively winning their right to legally marry. Though there's many other rows to hoe there, too...

Because the denial of those rights is really another facet of the same problem, stale gender roles & imbalance of power.

('course I'd also hope all my feminist friends weren't TERFs, just found out what those were..& all I can say is whaaaat, & that both feminist & gay pals were also supportive of the end of racism. And Santa, for Christmas, I'd also like a pony & a box of kittens.)

Was thinking about apologizing for my tone. So, I've thought about it.

Nope.

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Nov 22 Eva Hopkins commented on Honduran Beauty Queen Murdered by Her Boyfriend.
Wow, way to make this thread..not what it started about. There's way more nitpicking about the accuracy of the performance of a standup comedian, quoted by an advice / sex columnist to make a point about intimate partner violence, than there is about the actual societal problem of domestic abuse / IPV (with notable exceptions of VelvetBabe's stats, @122 & a few others.)

In many places around the world, there's an inherent power imbalance between men & women. Men are (usually) physically larger, & *usually* have access to more opportunities than women. It's a drag that we can't talk about the huge percent of women abused by their partners without having the massive, nitpicky distraction of holding the toes of a standup comic to the fire for inaccurate phrasing or poor use of statistics. His larger point remains. To quote Margaret Atwood: "

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

Some of LavaGirl's points about women as objects & ownership were spot on.

OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER: rape & domestic violence happen to men also. According to the many sets of statistics I've studied about this subject, men are also the primary abusers of other men. :/ Not saying, it never happens, female on male..it does, & abuse of a partner is *never* OK. In an ideal world, our gender roles would be less rigid & it wouldn't be as hard for anyone - male OR female - to report partner abuse or rape, & to get help, & to be believed.

THAT SAID: It'd be really damn nice to be able to even talk about what a problem this is for women, worldwide, without the conversation being derailed the way it was above. But mission accomplished, Team Derailment, more of this discussion was spent calling names than accomplishing anything. (With again, the exceptions noted.)
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Nov 21 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Nobody Expects the Nice Girl Inquisition!.
Meh, I agree with the previously-posted sentiment of, I feel like Dan is kind enough to let his readers into his family life, in a limited way, so to try to push even further than that feels rude. Yes, Dan's husband Terry is gorgeous; Dan is no slouch either, & I envy the titillating tidbits of monogamish adventures Dan trickles out for the occasional fun reveal. But there's limits, & I wouldn't leer at any of the lovely gay couples I know IRL like a panting yaoi fan, so no, I wouldn't ask for Dan / Terry porn.

The idea of some lovely photos that have both of them in it, the way Terry poses, would be aesthetically pleasing. I say that as an artist & not a lust-bucket though. ;) Terry's photographs are gorgeous & every time I see them, I have one single thought.."I should join a gym."

Dan doesn't seem too offended & he's heard this request before..likely not just from straight women, either. Honest question to Mr. Venn (& others) would the same question be as presumptuous if it came from a gay man, or a couple of gay men?

Now..have I *politely* leered at a couple I know, when there seems to be a flirty vibe present? Oh yeah. Glad I did, too. But there's a time & place, etc, etc. In general a courteous "you two are a pretty pair" is a compliment with no strings. That's all good.
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Nov 17 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Ex-Primary Screwing Up Next Primary.
Everyone's already said it. I think you can be civil to our ex, EG, without being "nice" to her. She's clearly not interested in any closure you might need, & she sounds like the type of person who would be only too glad to poison the dating well of immediate friends. How about you do a little more work on you, so you don't wind up repeating the same or similar patterns with your next relationship, & then maybe forging into new circles of your subculture, whatever it is? Because if you pursue the current options, your ex is still calling the shots, IMO.
Nov 12 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Pain Can't Be Avoided.
Because a bunch of you have unregistered comments turned off, you might not see that the original letter writer has responded @85:

"Hey Everyone, this is the original letter writer,

Your responses are all lovely and thought-provoking. It meant a lot for me to read some of your comments and similar experiences. My heart goes out to others who have endured similar experiences.

I didn't write to Dan Savage to get a therapist's response, I wrote to Dan Savage to get a Dan Savage response. Perhaps I unconsciously wanted a kick in the butt. Yeah, the last sentence seems a little brusque, but I am not offended because I think the content in the rest of the reply is right on. He also doesn't know the whole story. For sure, the family is going to feel the long-time loss with every passing Christmas and holiday, etc and that thought alone has compounded my guilt about causing not only suffering for my ex, but now his whole family for the rest of their lives. However, I know that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own life. Letting go of guilt about not having been able to prevent it is no easy task. And this includes not just me, but for everyone else that was around him during this time who are, no doubt, still agonizing about what they could have done. What makes this a little different (and perhaps more complex, but not necessarily harder) is that our breakup catalyzed his mental decline. He pleaded with me, begged me to take him back. I remained solid so that I could maintain my decision to leave. He had a way of being very persuasive and I had to be almost cold to disengage. In retrospect, I wish I had seen the signs. But, Dan, you are right.... I am not omniscient and I couldn't have stayed in a hostage situation even if I had known that's what he would've done. His other friends and family may have regrets they didn't see it coming, but at least they don't carry the weight of feeling (initially) directly responsible for it. He hung himself in the foyer of the house from the second floor railing a few centimeters from the front door. He'd locked all of the doors to the house, probably knowing that I would discover him because I'm the only other person who had a key to get in. It felt directed towards me....at least that's how I initially experienced it. Over time, I've realized that there may not have been contempt directed towards me in his actions. I will never really know as he didn't leave a note. Just a bunch of questions.

I will say, however, that trauma lives in the body - even when you rationally, intellectually know a feeling doesn't make sense, if your body still believes it does, problems arise. This is perhaps why I get an automatic body response (heart palpitations, etc) whenever I think about having to break up with someone. Overtime I know this will subside - it just points to the fact that I have a little more work to do.

I experienced his death as both an act of aggression (towards himself and me) and an act of desperation. I think the single most important thing to know is that, in the wake of a suicide, there are many mixed emotions and confounding facts. I believe he was all of these things: (selfish, angry, impulsive, confused, pained, hurt, aggressive)..... and as a result I feel: (tenderness, hatred, sadness, euphoria, guilt, defensiveness, anger, compassion, regret, and occasionally forgiveness etc). To be human requires our ability to be able to integrate all of these conflicting things and hold it in complexity, rather than trying to label something as one thing or another for the sake of simplicity.

I believe suicide is ultimately selfish - it's a statement that my pain now is more important than the pain I will inflict on all of my friends, family, etc for the rest of their lives if I carry this out. However, this doesn't mean I can't simultaneously hold compassion for someone who loses perspective and finds their pain so unbearable in the moment, that it seems to be the only way out.

I think we should begin conceptualizing suicide within the framework of a communitarian perspective, rather than an individualistic one. Yes, ultimately we all have a right to do what we want with our own body - but this is based on the idea that we are not all connected. When someone commits suicide, it creates a ripple effect. Studies have shown that every time someone dies by suicide, there is a rise in suicide within that person's own family and also within their direct & indirect community. Anyone who is touched by it, integrates that experience into their unconscious. Suicide should not be considered a viable way out. We owe it to our family, friends and loved ones to keep trying.

This could easily lead into a rant about the state of our mental health care... but instead I will leave you with a link to this interview with Jennifer Michael Hecht that Krista Tippet did on her podcast "On Being": Here is what it is about:

" Suicide, and Hope for Our Future Selves

"Your staying alive means so much more than you really know or that anyone is aware of at this moment."

Philosopher, historian, and poet Jennifer Michael Hecht has traced how Western civilization has at times demonized those who commit suicide, at times celebrated it as a moral freedom. She proposes a reframed cultural conversation, based not on morality or rights but on our essential need for each other."

http://www.onbeing.org/program/jennifer-

Thanks everyone for the dialogue and thanks, Dan, for your response.

I honestly thought that my letter would go into the ether.

LW"
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