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Eva Hopkins
SLOG FAN
D.C.
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Bio

I'm a writer & artist with experience in the comic book industry I'm also a… more »

TMI

  • SF or LA
  • Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
  • Vampire or Zombie
  • God is: a bullet, have mercy on us, everyone."
  • I hate living in Seattle or I wish I lived in Seattle

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Eva Hopkins is drawing. .
Apr 9 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
Ugh, full of opinions tonight. Sorry fellow Sloggers.

Dan, RE: SAP: Use your powers for good. Kill the line: "It's not you, it's me."

Unless it really is "me", that's a crap thing to say to someone, 'cause they know it's a lie.

Agree w/ @11, @9 / Adz's advice for SAP is primo.
Apr 9 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
Dan, also don't agree with the opinion about CREEP. There's a big difference in the levels of discretion in the scenarios described: fully clothed couple enjoying a dinner date with sexy underthings providing them a naughty thrill, versus a fully naked man in a busy bathroom. Granted, it's not a co-ed bathroom; the naked man is a full on adult & can decide if that's a scene he wants to do; but (IMO) the risk for exposure & discomfort, both for the naked dude & for other guys coming in to use the restroom, seems too high to make it OK. (Though I know that's what gives it an illicit thrill...)

Now..if you're talking a restroom at the Eagle (almost any city I've been to, there's an Eagle) or a men's room at a venue at Pride weekend..I feel, having bounced & barbacked at a gay bar, that such a scene happening there would have somewhat less "surprise" factor for anyone involved in it unwittingly (door popping open, etc). Of course, there'd also be a different set of risks to being exposed there.

The LW likely thought that the venue made a difference, too, note that he specified that the bar naked man was in wasn't a gay bar.
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Apr 9 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
Ehhhh, I agree with the *spirit of* Dan's advice to S.O.S., who claims he doesn't want to cause any pain to his wife of 45 years. But I'm thinking, if he's so 100% certain sex isn't important to her anymore, than some conversation - even if it only alludes to "hypotheticals" - is necessary. That sounds like quite a habit he's building, & it's a tough one to break. Desire welling up & still connecting physically after so many years must be a thrill. If I were SOS's drinking buddy, I'd encourage him in the strongest language possible to try to have some form of this conversation with his wife.

For many people, it's not even the sex that they consider cheating, it's the not knowing, it's the being made a fool of. Especially given how many years this couple has been together, surely, if there's still love between 'em, she'd acknowledge his needs are valid, just as her drive has waned - if that is indeed what's happened. :/ I kinda feel like a couple of previous posters are right, though, & maybe SOS was looking to Dan to give his behavior a green light, without the awkwardness or pain of even dancing around the subject with his life partner.

Hmmmmmm.
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Apr 3 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Resources and Support?.
Maybe she was hoping for exactly the one resource you provided, Dan - some shopping help. :) I know finding shoes in men's sizes can also be hard. I've never had to buy lacy unmentionables for a fellow before. That site home page.. *fans self*

What a fun, friendly letter. She sounds like she can't wait to rip his stockings off.

<3
Apr 2 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
Ugh, this conversation makes my head hurt.

LW #1: Marcus should've told NCA what was up. I can't say when the right time would have been; IDK how safe he felt with NCA. Had I been in his shoes, likely I would've made that disclosure pre-physical-intimacy. Not because there would've been anything wrong with *me*, but I'd wanna make sure all was good with *them*. People are allowed their reactions.

@35, EricaP, someone being trans isn't the same as someone having a hysterectomy. A lack of womb is a conversation that should be had when a more serious relationship is brewing, in case the other partner wants to have children. But a hysterectomy is not something that's physically obvious once trousers are dropped, y'know? What NCA was saying was that because Marcus is trans, his genitalia aren't what she expected, & also there's the whole, he held out this substantial piece of information about himself. I think those feelings of being betrayed are natural, & given that she's pretty young, NCA's response is honest, & not unkind.

I was out to dinner with a guy once; he & I had been flirting for months. It was our second actual date after months of running into each other at things. & my being bi came up right after our order was taken. We were talking about our exes & I named some of my ex-GF's as well as ex-BF's. & my date got pretty upset, said he couldn't handle or "compete" with that. He called for our check & got the waiter to doggy-bag our food! It hurt my feelings badly at the time..he was handsome, seemed really into me, I was hopeful..but looking back, I'm glad I was disappointed early & saved some heartache later. Who wants to be w/ someone that hung up?

Best of luck to both NCA & Marcus. I kinda hope they work things out. It may be too much for them to get past, but she sounds open-minded - & if not, I hope they break up as gently as possible.
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Mar 31 Eva Hopkins commented on Man Who Raped Three-Year-Old Daughter Sentenced to Probation.
We have two justice systems in this country: one for people with money, who can afford representation, & one for the poor slobs who can't.

Thus a poor minority gets busted for a joint & serves time, while this disgusting mess of a human being doesn't, for *raping his children*.

Thanks for the early kick in the bile, Dan.. :/
Mar 26 Eva Hopkins commented on Yes or No on This Virginia Gas Station Item?.
I live in Virginia & wasn't offended. ;) Was vaguely curious what about those crackers made 'em "grilled cheese" flavor - smoke added to the cheez whiz? - but that's about it. We all know what kinda garbage food is usually at your various roadside establishments. I try to get a banana & some kinda coffee drink..but if the pickings are leaner, bag o' roast nuts or sometimes, nothing. None of it's any good for me, alas.
Mar 5 Eva Hopkins commented on Jerome Is Awesome.
That is an excellent outfit. & such a great smile. I would've had to say hello, too.
Feb 28 Eva Hopkins commented on Imploring Bi People to Come Out is Biphobic.
This column reminded me, BTW, for those of you that remember a previous Slogger named Memorex (my-Dan), he was bi, also, & we knew each other IRL but didn't now that *about* each other 'til we connected here on Slog, on Valentine's Day, a few years ago. W/out Dan Savage's writing about it, my-Dan (Memorex) wouldn't have written me elsewhere & I wouldn't have gotten to know him as well as I did.

Thanks, Dan.

(& I miss & love you Memorex.)
Feb 28 Eva Hopkins commented on Imploring Bi People to Come Out is Biphobic.
Wow. So I hear the "angry bisexual" comment a lot. & there it is! Lots of anger.

I sometimes get *exasperated*. Bisexual identity is a difficult thing to maintain, both in heterosexual mainstream society, & in the the LGBT subculture. I can't get all the way worked up to full angry, though, since I live in VA & actively have Republicans trying to crawl right up my uterus every 5 minutes.

So when I read Dan's post the other day, about how a closeted bi person was complaining about a lack of bi out celebrities & he suggested they come out, I didn't get angry. Dan tells everyone around him what to do. Heteros, gay dudes, etc, etc. Goes w/ the whole 'advice columnist' gig. He changes tone when doing more activist-based writing, & yes, his growing profile means thew responsibilities of the impact of his words increases. To me, the word "imploring", above, doesn't scream "telling me what to do" as much as *asking*. My usually easily-twisted knickers weren't bunched up over that as advice.

I myself wouldn't point at all my gay dude friends & say: gay dudes! I think you should be out! all the time! but if a gay dude or gay gal pal said that they were bugged by lack of visibility, yet they themselves weren't out (whatever the reason might be), there's be a certain predictable follow-up reply from me. ;)

I've complained about how lots of different gay folks (as well as straight folks) have talked about or to bisexual people (sometimes RIGHT TO ME). That said: frequency of mention of bisexuals on SLOG & as the writers of SLLLOTDs is on the upswing. Speaking as a bisexual chubby woman who's not as financially empowered as Mr. Dan - but cis & Cacasian, so there's my privilege check, ;) - & a SL reader since almost the beginning - 1994 or '95 - I've seen a definite evolution in his writing about, & yeah, sometimes *to*, bisexuals.

*shrug*I'm also too tired to get super mad 'cause yeah, outing yourself frequently is a bore sometimes (1st world problems). If I'm with a man, I'm straight; a woman, vice-versa. Currently how I handle things, is, if with one gender of partner & this is cool with them, I make sure to indulge my polite & healthy appreciation of the other gender..ie, "Check out that hot waiter/waitress" etc..&,,I'm an LGBT writer/activist, awash with rainbows. I like referring to whomever I'm dating as my partner & never getting pronoun-specific if I don't know someone too well. Weeds out bigots handily without much confrontation. To anyone who matters..family, friends, etc..just, I'm out. Out out out. It's just easier, though I've lost some relatives in the process.

You *do* come from a place of privilege now, Mr. Dan, though you have worked hard for it.

Admit it Dan. You love us bis! Lookit those page hits rack on up. Just remember..someday..Bi Slog Happy..I am gonna make this happen.

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