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Eva Hopkins
SLOG FAN
D.C.
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Bio

I'm a writer & artist with experience in the comic book industry I'm also a… more »

TMI

  • Vampire or Zombie
  • SVN or Git
  • Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
  • Frank Gehry or Rem Koolhaas
  • Barsuk or Fantagraphics

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Eva Hopkins is drawing. .
Oct 14 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
@19, Oh poop. I agree with your read of things. Ah well. I think I'll have more tea.

I'll spare a thought for the other partners that this couple may be inflicting themselves on. I always get kinda turned off when hearing people discussing things in terms that sound kind of pseudo-therapy speak, or something.

I wonder if they have any happily poly friends? When a couple finds themselves contemplating this ninja level sex stuff, talking it over with more experienced people seems like a good idea. Not just writing to Dan, but seeing a dynamic with others functioning healthily, local to them.

(Caveat: they might live somewhere more conservative, IDK, obviously.)
Oct 14 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love.
I seriously hope NNP & his lover never break up, because that keeps both of these people off the market. They sound kind of insufferable to me.

@7 - right? I kinda covet HAPPY'S life. :D
Sep 25 Eva Hopkins commented on I Am Leaving The Stranger, Everybody!.
Oh dear. I was an admirer of your works here, Mr. Dominic. The Stranger's loss is wherever-you-go's gain.

Lindy, Goldy - Danielle didn't even stick around. Stranger! Your voices are shifting rapidly.

Please make sure to hang onto the excellent Paul Constant, Jen Graves & Bethany Jean Clement.
Sep 11 Eva Hopkins commented on RIP, Slogger Rhett Oracle.
Rest in peace, Mr. Rhett. I lurked on Slog for a couple of years before starting to post & he seemed like a kind-hearted, funny person. It's nice that a community he obviously loved has kind words for him.

@18, DaiBando: I'm sorry you lost your friend, too. Like Dan said, good on you for being there at the end.

There's a couple of Sloggers from my early days I miss. Kim in Portland doesn't post much anymore; I also miss Uriel-238, who I guess went lurker, or so their status said in 2010.

I also still miss Memorex. :(
Sep 11 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Don't Just Sleep There, Do Something!.
@22, @14 - I think reclaiming words is powerful.

Since I recently had some guy in a truck on a local highway - I live in Northern VA - drive next to me, pointing at my car, yelling "fag!" at me repeatedly as he passed me, I kinda lean towards Mr. Vennominon's feelings at @16 about that word.

Say as ye will, I'm no thought police. It's not my favorite, though Dan has used it well.
Sep 11 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Don't Just Sleep There, Do Something!.
Dan: your advice was perfect!

I seldom dish about my own personal life / past, because I have kind of a big online mouth & I respect my partners' privacy. But since she's wavering, let me add my experienced two cents..

BTS: DO IT. I was in your exact same shoes. I was 30, he was 19 & I thought it was going to be a weekend fling that wound up lasting about a year & a half. It was so hot! & so sweet, initially. & when he wasn't anymore, we broke up. But there was a good period of time where we were both genuinely smitten with each other. We spent most of our free time in bed. I was upfront with him that it wasn't going to last forever, as we both would fit better with people more at the same stage of life. Was fun while it lasted & I was very clear & patient about what actually worked, as opposed to what he'd been seeing in porn. So I smile to myself sometimes thinking that somewhere, there's likely been another few (at least) physically satisfied women out there who should raise a glass to me. ;)Make sure to be open to whatever the reaction will be: he might not be flirting (though like Dan does, I think he is) & y'never know, he might teach you something new.

Somewhere I still have a couple of pictures of him.

& BTS..if you're reading this..I don't think us Sloggers would mind if you checked back in to let us know what happened. ;) You know, for research reasons.
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Sep 10 Eva Hopkins commented on Do We Have a Pumpkin Spice Problem?: A Photographic Exploration.
Bolthouse Farms bottled Pumpkin Spice Latte has a lot of pumpkin puree in it. If you like pumpkin & are curious about trying it mixed with coffee, I can't say enough good tings about this beverage.

If you don't like pumpkin - not just the spices, the actual squash - then DO NOT buy this stuff.

http://www.bolthouse.com/product/pumpkin…
Aug 19 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Potential Murder, She Wrote.
I'm just another voice on top of many, but let me add it.

RUN GIRL. Well, walk. Take all the precautions others have specified above. Decide a small bag of stuff you can't live without, figure a stealthy way to get it out of the house, & then go. As 121 said, if everyone's danger-meter is off, that's something that can be worked out later, when you're safe. It's not unreasonable to flee someone who's confessed that they fantasize about killing you, FFS.

I know you feel guilty for leaving. It'll be freaking hard. But you need to.

I was with someone abusive many years ago. It was the same in how the behavior escalated, with me not noticing it until it had gotten very stark/threatening. I'm lucky because I left soon after he pushed me (though still spent too many years w/ him). The girl after me? He beat her in the face & pushed her down the stairs in front of her child. She's lucky to be alive. I know my ex's fascination with horror, & with serial killers, & porn. I'm not an anti-porn person, but his being utterly steeped in all thee of those, & rhapsodizing aloud, when angry, about how he'd like to violently end (fill in blank with is enemy du jour)..well, some days I feel lucky to be alive, as well.

These are signs of deep mental instability. They won't change without some kind of intervention, be it legal (police) or psychological (intense therapy / drugs / being hospitalized). That's not your problem now. Put on your very best game face, be warm & friendly, but initiate a sub-routine plan for yourself on when to go (once he's left for work is good), how to not let him know you're leaving, what to take & especially the advice about collecting numbers you'll need while not on a shared computer or anything he could find.

& please, check back in w/ Dan to let us know how you are.
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Aug 19 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Judgement Daze.
IDK how it is for men, because I'm not a man, but as a woman - yeah. Much much judgement if you choose to not have children. Won't say more or less, but it sucks. I get that conversation right out of the way, both with friends & prospective partners, right away. Nope, not havin' kids. Why yes, I have big birthin' hips. Let's move along.

I've always thought that we'd all be so much happier if people just accepted our families / households as we choose them to be, or accept them to be. Triad, couple, single, many relatives - whoever you want under your roof & in your bed, or not = your business, & we should recognize all forms of that as equally valid. :) Solitary doesn't mean sad; alone is not the same as lonely.

Whether I'm partnered or single I tend to spend a lot of time exploring places on my own, including sometimes sitting & buying myself a meal somewhere or a cuppa coffee, etc. & the *awkwardness* of some servers / managers when seating a single person, takin' themselves out. it's sad. I usually go at off-peak times when I decide to do this & bring a book to make it easier on 'em - & me.

There was one deli I loved in upstate NY, had my favorite salad & iced coffee drink & cute tattooed servers. Over time, I was able to gently sway the various hosts/hostesses to say, "One today?" or "table for one?" as opposed to "Just one today?", with there always being this sad kinda emphasis on the "just". ;) sometimes when we live alone, part of the experience of going out to eat is socializing a little with others at a minimum safe distance. A small thing, but some days it kinda made my afternoon.

Dan gives good advice, SNAP, for anyone. LBGTTQ etc, hetero, partnered, single, triaded, etc. Live a good full life. Haters to the right as you walk on by them. If you've never seen Downton Abby, go look up the Dowager Countess & practice giving people that down-the-nose stare when they ask you inappropriate stuff or proffer their non-asked-for judgements on your life. Or, feel free to regale them with tales of sleeping in, or a fine bottle of wine, or some other awesome thing you did recently. IDK. Work on letting it bother you less. Life is short!

& speaking of that..Dan..wow, are you ever a product of your Catholic upbringing! We share that early Catholic morbidity thing. Lots of death on the mind.
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Aug 5 Eva Hopkins commented on SL Letter of the Day: Tough Choice.
It's kinda earth-shattering to realize that "everything we thought was wrong". When you get together with someone while you're still young & sorting yourself out, it's hard to have any concept of what you'd be like without that person in your life.

The problem with telling LOVE to DTMFA, although I agree in spirit, is that if she's been isolated from her friend sby her husband, & pretty much the only friends she has are through her Master, then that's some pretty slim pickin's to have somewhere to *go*, once she leave her husband. Which I hope she does! There's bound to be people she could be happier with.

In an ideal world, LOVE would have family or a friend she can stay with while she recovers from the shock of the new, & the divorce, & everything. I think it'd be much healthier for her to have some time on her own before possibly committing to her Master full time. But if the choice for her is either/or, sure, "choose" the Master..just please, don't move in with him right away, if possible, LOVE.

Also, before you take this leap she should let her Master know, because it's easy to be super hot & everything on weekends because - like someone said above - the situation has self-imposed limits.

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