Eva Hopkins
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Mar 14 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Off the Couch, Onto the Sheets.
(Although, nocute's story @1 has a happy ending..IDK. I just know *I* wouldn't ask out my therapist.)
Mar 14 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Off the Couch, Onto the Sheets.
Even though the issues discussed weren't hugely impeding the patient's life, even though they feel on the same page, etc, etc - I wouldn't ask the therapist out. At least not so close to the end of working with them. @5 & @6 have the right of it IMO: the very nature of the therapist / patient relationship is that the therapist guides their client to a place of emotional safety, so that honesty can happen safely for the client. Sometimes that creates a sense of intimacy between the client & therapist; sometimes the intimacy is genuine, & the therapist is fond of X, Y or Z client / patient. BUT, the power dynamic is too great, & although the LW sounds like they have a decent beat on the rapport they have w/ their therapist, they could be reading it wrong.

LW: ask your the therapist if they want to remain in touch socially, & what methods of contact are OK w/ them. Email, etc. If the caregiver has any respect for their situation they won't be up for dating you right away, if at all. But if the attraction is true & mutual, AND you're willing to wait whatever the recommended amount of time is, go for it, I guess. I'd be hesitant, as I think it's easy to read the comfort a good therapist gives you as friendship or attraction when in reality it might be just them doin' their job. Also, be prepared..if the therapist was just professionally friendly, not flirting, try not to take it too personally or be resentful. It is sometimes difficult to sort through current feelings when working through past stuff w/ someone trained to get you to confide in them.

Dan: really disagree with you this time.
Mar 9 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Of Cake and Cocks.
He probably feels less guilty about cheating with men versus cheating with women as his super-hot wife is potentially less threatened by men as versus women. This could be some combination of what 43 said - some people consider same-sex encounters as less "real" than opposite-sex ones - & maybe the wife is competitive with other women, & would be comparing herself to whatever women the husband cheated on her with.

Who cares? Clearly he doesn't. I'd bet it's just like Dan said: he's likely bi, usually more romantic with women, & has discovered these sexual feelings for guys..just no desire to have relationships with them later.

Agree with above Sloggers who say he doesn't sound like he's not very interested in the why is "very hot" wife isn't into sex with him...which smacks of not caring about her. I also agree he left out the details B/C he was hoping for a "get out of monogamy free" card from Dan.

He needs to be straight with her - ugh - & tell her ASAP that he's been hooking up with other people on the side. Whatever they decide should happen to the marriage after that, at least he won't have this absurd double life goin' on.
Mar 9 Eva Hopkins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Drunken Demand.
Yeah, this situation doesn't sound like a good idea. Seconding Dan's advice.

I have an absolutely gorrrrgeous friend, who I was smitten with, who tried fooling around with me a couple of times, but it was always when she was using Ecstasy. I'd heard her talk about her morning-after regrets before & decided I didn't want to be one of them. She's hooked up with a guy now, who seems really good for her, but I wish she'd asked me when she was *less* tipsy. ;)

Don't go there with your friend. It'll complicate everything further, & your friend sounds like her life is currently already pretty complex. & even if she proposes a sober hookup, maybe it'd be better to just not have that fling. I'm usually in favor of going for it, overall, but it sounds like her dance card is already full.
Mar 6 Eva Hopkins commented on Nancy Reagan.
Sorry. I won't feel guilty about remembering history, & those who died in the 80's, & how society talked about them / treated them. This tendency we have to speak kindly of people because they're deceased is a polite glossing over of the messiness of life. People were also quick to laud Richard Nixon for being a statesman right after he died; there wasn't much mention of Watergate.

I don't have anything unkind to say about either of the Mrs. Bushes, but they didn't play as strong a role in their husband's Administrations as Nancy Reagan did in Ronald's.

Lava @26..yeah..watching people all around me die with nobody seeming to care..that has stayed with me. Seeing couples torn apart, people shunning them, families not supporting them..the memories of that grow dim, but they're not forgotten.

HIV isn't the likely death sentence it was when it first appeared & now that we have antiretroviral drugs, the horror of AIDS going ignored for so long feels like forever ago, most days. Just, not as much today.
Mar 6 Eva Hopkins commented on Nancy Reagan.
@17, It's not "wallowing in hatred" to not lament the death of someone who turned a blind eye to so much suffering. Nancy had massive influence in that White House, both on policy and (famously) on personnel choices / hirings / firings. We as a nation have a tendency to beatify people after their death. Yes, Mrs. Reagan had a complex life, & I didn't know her personally. I'm sorry her husband got Alzheimer's. But they encouraged the religious influence still currently tainting politics & ignored a huge health epidemic that carved huge holes in other people's lives & families.

The rest of the media is paying tribute to Mrs. Reagan. On Slog especially, it would feel disrespectful to Thomas's memory - & so many others - to not acknowledge how fucked up their treatment of gay people (we didn't say LGBTQA back then) & poor / minority people was.

She had a peaceful death at 94. Good for her. But I'm not going to suddenly forget how it really was back then because she's no longer living. It's not dancing on her grave to remember how the actions of her husband's Administration affected people.
Mar 6 Eva Hopkins commented on Nancy Reagan.
@20, I *did* forget to mention her later-life activism about Alzheimer's.

I just can't forget how the setup from back then - the huge religious influences of that administration, the war on drugs, the lavish lifestyle in the face of a troubled economy - has contributed massively to the setup we have today. & the tens of thousands of people dead from AIDS before it really had research dollars & basic compassion thrown at it.

Mar 6 Eva Hopkins commented on Nancy Reagan.
@15, I remember Nancy Reagan sitting on Mr. T's lap, even though I was just a kid. I understand that she was "just" First Lady. But she had a huge influence on her husband & was a powerful presence in his Administration. It's been said in political circles that if Ronald hadn't married Nancy, there would've been no Governor Reagan or President Reagan. President Obama just said about her: "She redefined the role of First Lady." (There ya go, I said something nice. Oh wait, she also made Ronald Reagan apologize for the Iran-Contra arms deal..so there's TWO nice things.)

“It’s hard to envision Ronnie as being a bad guy,” she said in a 1989 interview. “And he’s not. But there are times when somebody has to step in and say something. And I’ve had to do that sometimes — often.” - Nancy Reagan

The restoration & redecoration of the White House - one of things you mentioned - came at a time when the rest of the country was suffering through a recession; inflation was high & so was unemployment. Yes, she had a love of glamour, big parties & high fashion, & the office of the Presidency is expected to have a certain level of style when entertaining heads of state. Some of the excesses of that Administration didn't reflect well on their empathy for the people they governed & their economic struggles, though.

I'm hearing from other online circles that the Reagans had gay friends. The first openly gay couple to spend the night at the White House - Ted Graber, the Reagans' interior designer & his partner - stayed in the private White House quarters one night. It's a shame whatever relative tolerance for individual gay people they might've had didn't extend outward into their policies. I'm sorry if what good their was in her life is outweighed by them turning them back, repeatedly, on Americans less fortunate than themselves, but to me, that is their legacy.

(Thanks for the kind words about the typos, though. May have to have corneal surgery & am trying to figure out how the hell I'm gonna afford that. Yay, we have such a great health care system!)
Mar 6 Eva Hopkins commented on Nancy Reagan.
(sorry for any typos, BTW, I've developed a corneal condition & so can't read small type ATM.)
Mar 6 Eva Hopkins commented on Nancy Reagan.
@2 - Be nice? Why? Because she's dead now, a state we'll all be someday..? It's been suggested that Ronald Reagan's Alzheimer's & his mental decline in general started while he was still in office, & that Nancy Reagan had huge influence over policy decisions. She definitely had her husband's ear, regardless of how true the reports of the President's health were / are.

Under the Reagan Administration, communication director Pat Buchanan was able to say that AIDS is "nature's revenge on gay men" & still keep his job. Reagan steadfastly refused to comment on the AIDS crisis at all; more & more cases kept happening, & he said nothing while thousands - mostly gay men - died. In 1983, there were over 1000 cases w/ 394 deaths; in 1985, Rep. Henry Waxman said: ""It is surprising that the president could remain silent as 6,000 Americans died, that he could fail to acknowledge the epidemic's existence. Perhaps his staff felt he had to, since many of his New Right supporters have raised money by campaigning against homosexuals."

By the time Ronald Reagan finally publicly addresses the AIDS epidemic, 36,058 Americans had been diagnosed with AIDS & 20,849 of them had died. That's disgusting on every level.

The disease had also spread to many other countries. The Reagans' friend, actor Rock Hudson, wrote to them directly to appeal for help when he contracted AIDS; he wanted to be moved to a French hospital but needed a special dispensation. The Reagans refused the request. A;though some have said Nancy Reagan pushed her husband to finally address the AIDS crisis, other reports say it was superstar Elizabeth Taylor who was the motivation behind Nancy's finally changing her mind. Nevermind all the dead Americans, a Really Famous Person (who didn't have the 'icky' disease) said do something, so things finally started happening.

Also, in 1982, Ronald Reagan declared a "war on drugs". The policies enacted in this pointless "war" have cost the country a stunning amount of money & primarily target poor & minority non-violent offenders. Those laws & attitudes were enforced & amplified by both Presidents Bush & the first President Clinton. The USA is currently an incarceration nation; only 5% of the world's population but about 22% of the world's jailed population.

So no. I don't have to be nice, & anyone else who lived through the horror of the ACT-UP activism days doesn't have to be nice. Nancy Reagan may have been beloved by many, but I remember the first person I knew who died of AIDS, Thomas. He was a sweet young man with a kind face who was a customer at my mom's bookshop, where I sometimes worked after school. He got very sick & started losing a ton of weight. Then he was just...gone. The local hospital was one of the few around that were treating AIDs patient, so I had my suspicions about what happened to him, but my mom just said "pneumonia" & changed the subject. The second, third, etc, times I saw it, I knew what it was. The fear & misinformation the Reagans allowed to happen while the country was under their care is responsible for thousands of death that might not h ave happened had Falwell not had their ear, had they been able to see gay men as fellow humans.

She had some pretty dresses but they're both better off as tree food. I don't have to be "nice"for the sake of the memory of someone who had immense power, wealth & influence, but narrow, discriminatory views that cost people their lives.