@10 - Tacoma Traveler - holy crap! I had to go back & read what I read three times. I'm recently outta the ER w/ strep so crazy I look like a bloated Claymation mistake & on a ton of drugs. But NOWHERE did I say what that group did., with the image shown, was okay.

What I DID do (& I chalk it up to the lovely cocktail of things I'm on) is talk to Dan, like Dan was reading, to let him know that a bisexual who'd been reading him since before the internet didn't think he was biphobic, & that the image was scary & outta line.

That would've been just fine for an Email, not so much for a Slog post. Too vague. I should've known.

But to make the leap to I'm then defending the image? Or that Dan's evolution in stance on bisexuals - & there's definitely been one - somehow justified it? No way! Thanks for making that huge leap so there could be a Fight.

& "self-professed bisexual"? Thanks for that, too.

Y'know, I've been an LGBT activist since ACT UP in NYC & North Jersey, since I was 17, before I came out to my own family. I've never told a gay person or a straight person that they were "self-professed", but pretty much from the moment I figured out my sexuality was what it is, I've gotten crap from straight & gay people about being confused, unsure, a tourist, greedy, you name it. & you know what? For about 2 years, in my 20's, I didn't try as hard. Stopped doing Pride, stopped writing about equality, stopped pestering my friends & folks about voting, all of it. I felt burned out, ignored & in general, "disqualified" as no legitimate - mostly by the same community I'd been working so hard to support. I didn't go so far as to not nurture my immediate friendships - gay, bi, T, etc - I just stopped wearing my rainbow heart on my sleeve & fighting the good fight. Why should I support with my money, time & energy (which is considerable) a group which repeatedly did to me, the same thing society at large was doing to them..?

..and then Matthew Shepard happened. Some evil yahoos lured a young man away & killed him brutally, just because of *who he was*. His family was robbed of him, he had his life taken, & although I knew it happened all the time - & sometimes for race instead of sexuality - something in me just kinda, snapped. So what if the local gay folks looked down their noses at me as "not real" or didn't believe in bi. So what if some of my best gay guy pals were misogynists - I'd find new friends. I just knew I was wired the way I was, just like Mr. Shepard was..& that my lack of big mouth yelling that to the world wasn't something I could put aside. Maybe I'd never be a cool kid at Pride, but if I changed a mind or two, then I'd have done okay.

So I got back to writing, & back to arguing with family members, & lost the angry-bi-chip on my shoulder. & some people accept me & we're pals, & other people, I can feel that sense of.."oh bi's not real", "prove yourself"..."self-professed".

I've had as many girlfriends as boyfriends, but why should I have to prove it? I have a lovely secret photo album of me making out w/ some hot gal pals, but it's not for you.

What about you? Are you a "self-professed" gay guy? Maye there's a trope of the angry bisexual because it's not just straight people who keep telling us we don't exist.

Jeezus.

Last thing. I post here w/ my real name. I do so for a buncha reasons, but the main one is, I'm not just spouting angry internet rage at someone IDK, saying stuff I'd never say to 'em IRL. I am who I am, & if my views make me lose out on a gig (artist/writer), then maybe it's not one I want.

The idea that someone could think for a half-moment that I approve in any freaking way of Dan in a crosshairs made me question my writing skills. But no, it's your reading comprehension skills that are lacking here.

Time for next meds. Cheers.

Ugh!

As a longtime bisexual fan of yours, Dan, your position on bis seems to have changed over the years.

There's a difference between someone you'd date - as in, you wouldn't date a bisexual, & everyone has the right to decide who they're gonna date - & someone actively BAD FOR bisexuals/bisexuality, etc. You had some early writings that had me worried that you thoughts bisexuals were kinda putting the rest of the world on, in a way, or that bisexuality was a stop on the way to gay. Given your own personal experiences - at least the ones I've read about - I can see where those views came from.

In the past couple of years, especially, you seem to have worked harder at separating your own feelings/experiences from the advice you give to others, & I've seen some more bi-positive stuff from you in recent years.

TL:DR - I can see where early era Savage woulda made these people hot under the collar, but clearly they aren't regular readers.

P.S. "militant bisexuals"? The most PC bi folks I've met usually tell me the "I don't fall in love w/ a person's gender, just the *whole person*, like they're more evolved than anyone else. Yeesh, it's just how yer wired, just like being gay or straight. Find someone to play with & spare me that hippie-dippy schtick, plz.

I wish I wasn't a feminist. I wish I could just be a humanist, which is primarily what I consider myself..someone who wants everyone to be treated fairly & equally.

Unfortunately, I'm still a feminist. For many reasons, but tonight's is - because we're now having a conversation in which pretty much all of the women (I think there was 2 exceptions) are trying to explain to one (or one-&-a-half, if you count Seattlebl- I mean, Stranger's Worst Nightmare - I mean UnBrainwashed) men what harassment is. (The explaining has also been helped by folks whose gender isn't clear from their handle, & Matt from Denver & a couple other guy types. Thx, dudes.) Sorry for the points I'm repeating, that others have made...

I was the first in my class to get breasts. & just about the moment it happened, in 5th grade, guys (usually much older back then) started saying creepy, creepy shit to me. I lived in a urban-edged suburban environment, & walked to & from school. This whole new way of thinking evolved - how to look angry enough & not respond to creeps who would pull up alongside in their car; how to lie just enough to adults who made lewd suggestions, to get away from them; at what point when walking home alone did I have to shift to the other side of the street, when some guy was approaching me on the other side of the street.

As someone who loved running off to NYC to see bands/dance in my teens & early 20's, I've had tons of exposure to street people. It's always men who started random encounters on the street. There's a difference between someone saying "you look amazing" at a club, or initiating a conversation at a coffeehouse, & some person you DK saying "nice tits" or "nice ass" muttering to a stranger. One's brain immediately goes into a kind of fight or flight overdrive. There's an immediate assessment of the environment for escape options.

The "smile" guy is a particular type. They can be benign, but I've never seen a random man, on the street, say to another random man, on the street - hey, smile, handsome. I'm not talking about Pride parades, or where guys are cruising other guys - all bets are kinda off there (I've observed). But in a city, two strange men passing each other on the sidewalk- never seen it happen. The last Smile Guy I encountered followed me for almost a whole block. Scary. I finally yelled super loud at him & he called me a crazy bitch as he scuttled away.

The man who says to a random woman, hey there, smile! is ordering her to change her face to please him. The reason it's so freaking hard for a man to understand what that feels like (not that I'd expect anyone who helpfully labels themselves a misanthrope to really do anything but troll) is because - as many others have said before me - the power dynamic between two men isn't the same as that between an average man & an average woman.

(Anti-troll disclaimer bit: yes, men get harassed too; yes, men also suffer from partner abuse, etc. This isn't about them. I'm acknowledging it before someone else says it, again. The majority of street harassment is by men, to women.)

From the moment that comment leaves a man's mouth & hits the woman's ears, the threat level is instigated. Giving back some sass is unwise when someone is sometimes half again to double or more your size. Yeah, I've done it - told someone would he talk like that to his mama, etc - but the point is, *I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO*. Nor should any of the many women who've patiently explained above why this is a problem. We shouldn't *HAVE TO THINK THIS WAY*, but we do. Because women never know how short the time is between "nice tits" & someone trying to grab them, or hurt them, etc.

Guys, almost every single woman you know has had to think this way at some point in their lives. Some women have to deal with being groped & such on their commute everyday, adding a higher percentage of fear & anxiety to their everyday lives. Is that okay by you? Or d'ya maybe not want to acknowledge it's a problem because you want to keep that dynamic just the way it is..?

The basic attitude of - women should just "nut up" & take it - disgusting. How about people on the street should "nut up" & learn some freaking manners & respect for their fellow humans?

Was really hopeful that this wouldn't devolve into the usual camps that happened the last time Ms. Cienna posted about the Smile Guy. Alas.

As someone who's a LGBT activist, lemme just end this by saying how disappointing it is, seeing someone whose rights I have championed, though IDK them, being so freaking blind to the rights of others.