Sep 21 DeanP commented on SL Letter of the Day: Go Fuck Someone Else Card.
The whole "I cheated so you get a pass for one cheating" strikes me as incredibly misguided. Reminds me of a short story in which the USSR accidentally nukes a US city. In return, the USSR offers up a city of its own to be nuked, to even the score. But when it is, the USSR responds, well, the city we nuked didn't have important industries, but the city you nuked did, so we get another. And then the US responds, well, yes, but the second city you nuked had ___, which wasn't in the city WE nuked, so we get another. And on and on and on.

If someone strays outside whatever rules you negotiated, the solution is to either discuss the rules, or recommit to them. Not to give one party a hall pass for a night.
Aug 25 DeanP commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Straightish Jocks and the Spectrum of Attraction.
I can't stand "straight-acting," since it plays to the stereotype that gays are all lispy over-primped vaguely-girly guys. You're really not that straight-acting when there's a dick up your ass or you're sucking dick like it's going out of style, bro. It's a turn-off to me when some guy litters his speech with "bro" and "dude" and thinks because he lifts he's a "jock." (I say this as a vaguely-obvious gay who's doing his 4th triathlon this year in a few weeks). Spare me. You want some bro who thinks Quiznos and Jamba Juice are fine dining, even in his 30s, and is still living his unrequited fratboy life? Have at it. But don't pretend that "Straight acting" is some special talisman of elite gayness.
Jul 22 DeanP commented on HIV+ People On Drug Cocktails Can't Pass the Virus to Their Sex Partners.
@13: where on earth was someone saying "don't disclose your status"? No one. The point is that in an ideal world, where everyone is educated enough to know that HIV+ guys who take their meds regularly aren't going to pass on the virus, saying "I'm positive" doesn't result in "oh, well, I just remembered, I've got plans tonight/I should just go home after dinner because I have to get up early."
Jul 21 DeanP commented on HIV+ People On Drug Cocktails Can't Pass the Virus to Their Sex Partners.
@8 and @9, thank you. And, @8, I agree on the conditioning that sex comes with consequences (have you seen sex ed in the US?). When Truvada came out, that moralizing came in SPADES. "Oh now guys will just have as much sex as they want!" "Oh now guys are going to be barebacking like crazy!" "You still have to use a condom because you might catch another STI!" It's like we found another weapon - not the silver bullet, not the war-ending weapon, but another strong, effective weapon - and immediately started a circular firing squad with it.

Re the last point, SURE, you might well get chlamydia or gonorrhea from having sex while on PreP without a condom, but, well, you were probably going to get it using a condom too, since (1) condoms aren't really foolproof against other STIs and (2) NO ONE PUTS ON A CONDOM FOR BLOWJOBS/HANDJOBS/Anything short of fucking.

We should be celebrating. Yeah, this doesn't end the war. Yeah, some people are still going to get infected. Yeah, there are still way too many people who aren't getting treatment. But we should be celebrating for so many reason, not least of which is it might actually encourage people to go get tested and get on treatment. I know I spent years avoiding getting regularly tested because I thought, "Once I know, if I'm positive, NO ONE IS GOING TO WANT TO DATE ME and I'll never be in a relationship, or my dating pool will be reduced by 80%." But now if you know that a positive diagnosis is not a death sentence and is not the end of your dating prospects (or a substantially-reduced dating pool), surely that somewhat lifts the mental burdens to getting tested and it certainly encourages getting on meds. (I'm projecting myself into someone who is positive, which I'm not, so please, if I'm totally wrong here, please let me know).
Jul 21 DeanP commented on HIV+ People On Drug Cocktails Can't Pass the Virus to Their Sex Partners.
Wow. 6 comments, most of which are "oh well this isn't that great news because people won't get tested or don't adhere to their meds and can still get other STIs so this isn't a bid deal."

It's a big fucking deal. Putting aside the fact that it does lower the risks of casual sex, and putting aside that this information will hopefully reduce the stigma of HIV infection (I simply can't stand guys who say "Neg, UB2"), this sort of information makes a meaningful, life-changing difference to the lives of people who are in treatment, and (selfishly) people who are in sero-discordant relationships. My partner is positive, I'm not, and this sort of science/knowledge makes a huge difference to our day-to-day lives.

So quit your collective griping and your collective sex-scold-moralizing ("Well, you can still get chlamydia, so use condoms" (because every gay man pulls on a condom before getting a blowjob) and celebrate the fact that we've gone in really not that long a time period from HIV being a death sentence to HIV being manageable to HIV not being a barrier to complete intimacy and not restricting the available dating pool. There is no set of facts under which this is not amazing information (even if, @1, this may be old information).

Gods, can't we be happy now and then about HIV information?
Jul 21 DeanP commented on Donald Trump Wants You To Call Lindsey Graham and Tell Him He's a Loser.
Just for reference, here's a list of everyone The Donald has called a loser...…
Jul 16 DeanP commented on Caitlyn Jenner's Speech at Last Night's ESPYS Awards.
I thought her speech was outstanding. What resonated most to me was her statement that she can take the abuse and the insults, but kids without her advantages can't.

I've thought of this in re my own situation as a homo. I live in a liberal city and grew up in one, there is no Jesus in my life, I'm very well paid, I'm not dumb, I've got way too much education, I've got a loving supporting family, wonderful friends, and an amazing man in my life, and I grew up with every advantage provided by my mom and stepdad. I can read the shit that our opponents come up with - "gays ruin society" "gays harm children" "gay sex makes Jesus cry" "gays don't deserve the same rights" - and slough it off. I've got the self-confidence and the fuck-you pedigree to do so, and the intelligence, education, articulacy, and understanding of the subject to respond.

But if I were a poor effeminate black or redneck kid or other minority coming out in rural Alabama, in an incredibly hostile environment and parents who might kick me out of my home when I told them that I'm gay, it would be very different. Those kids don't have the armour and the weapons that I have, or that most people reading this comment have.

It's THOSE kids and people whom we still need to help, notwithstanding the glorious victories of the last years.
Jul 14 DeanP commented on County in Missouri to Fly Flags at Half-Staff Because Gay People Are Getting Married.
I note that the link now says that the decision is to be rescinded. But still, that the decision was even made is telling.
Jun 1 DeanP commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: Ramping Back Up.
"Horses"? I find that the overwhelming majority of single gay guys leap at the chance to have NSA sex with an established couple, assuming the couple is at least passably hot . . .
Jun 1 DeanP commented on Caitlyn Jenner Debuts On the Cover of Vanity Fair.
I'm with #1: Jenner has the resources and the fame to withstand the negative and difficult side of transitioning. But Jenner proudly and loudly supports the Republican Party - the party whose DNA is hard-coded to hate transgendered people (as well as gay people, minorities, brown people, poor people, etc.). Not one transgendered kid or youth in twenty will have the resources that Jenner has to overcome the difficulties he or she will face.