Corydon
Arizona
report this user
Mar 23 Corydon commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Friend With Benefits Being An Asshole?.
Reading between the lines here, it seems like SIGH and the FWB were seeing each other on a pretty consistent and frequent (>once a week) basis. Not only were they hooking up for sex and happening across one another, they were also doing stuff together like going to dinner and doing concerts.

If we were to look solely at the behavior here, rather than the verbal justifications SIGH is providing, I'd personally say that this situation looks an awful lot like dating to me. SIGH doesn't say if either of them have been dating or fucking around outside of this FWB relationship, which might help clear things up a bit.

Which leads me to ask the community here, just where are the bright lines to be drawn between dating/FWB/casual sex relationships?

A definition that rests solely on the declaration of both parties seems rather an inadequate one (Which leads us down a rather Trumpian rabbit hole: "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.").

Regardless of FWB's subsequent actions, I do have to kind of agree with his initial diagnosis of what's going on. SIGH proceeded to infer that FWB wanted the relationship, but there never seems to have been any discussion of whether or not that was the direction anyone wanted things to go. It's entirely possible that FWB is pulling back a bit because he's trying to honor the relationship as it was originally constituted.

My suggestion would be to be direct with him. What does he want? A full-on relationship? A friends-with-benefits situation? Perhaps a downgrade just to being friends (or just casual fucks now and then)? Is this monogamous or open and to what degree? Once everyone knows what they want and expect from the relationship (and this is a relationship, if an unconventional one) then you can set about negotiating what that should look like and/or if it can continue.
More...
Mar 21 Corydon commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Tale of Two Colleagues (She's Humping).
Sometimes it's a good idea to drop out of the dating pool altogether for a time. This might be one of those times.

Nothing wrong with a few casual hookups (outside of the office, please!) here and there, but, more than anything else, the intuition I got from reading LW's letter was that she should probably enjoy being single for a time.
Mar 7 Corydon commented on This Amazing Sign Just Appeared on the Fence Surrounding the Capitol Hill Light Rail Station.
I suppose it is art of a sort. The kind of the agitprop that is adored by American liberals in much the same way that kitsch is non-ironically beloved by conservatives. It's a bad habit.

Overtly political artwork is almost always the sign of a small mind attempting to think great thoughts and running up against its own limitations.
Feb 28 Corydon commented on I, Anonymous: Post Pot.
This is what happens when you address your mail while high.
Feb 16 Corydon commented on Savage Love.
Another thing that UTAH might consider is exploring other options for financing college. A stint in the military might do the trick, now that DADT is no longer on the books. Bonus: it would probably get her uber Republican parents off her back (What Mom and Dad? Why wouldn't you want me to serve my country? Do you hate servicemembers and veterans?). It's a time-honored means of escape from these situations.

The GI Bill was an awesome deal in my day and, from what I understand, has only gotten better. The downside: UTAH would have to adapt to military life (for many people, this is a very good thing, but given her other problems it could be a issue) and would probably have to delay college by a bit (although not necessarily as much as she might fear; the military strongly encourages post-secondary education among enlistees).

If not the military, there are other kinds of opportunities that can help finance college that might be worth checking into. Is Americorps still a thing?
Feb 15 Corydon commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Gay Son Hooking Up With a Girl?.
@1 Homosexuality is something people do.
Or don't.
It is not what they are.


That's carrying things too far. Homosexuality has been defined from the very beginning as an attraction to members of the same gender often with a lack of sexual interest in the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with acts, everything to do with what's going on inside your head (read Krafft-Ebing if you don't believe me; the word "homosexual" originated with the English translation of this work).

It's entirely possible to be homosexual and never engage in sexual acts at all. Eve Tushnet is basically the poster child for this point of view.
Feb 15 Corydon commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Gay Son Hooking Up With a Girl?.
I've long been of the opinion that truly, 100% straight or gay men are incredibly rare. Most of us are seated somewhere along the long continuum of bisexuality. We've been encouraged to think in binary terms, both by bigots who define their sexuality in opposition to gay men (especially; notice that the Christian right doesn't talk about lesbianism with anything approaching the same level of vitriol, This, too, goes back at least as far as the 19th century.) but also by LGBT activists, who found it convenient to use "born this way" rhetoric to advance our agenda.

Our respective cultures strongly encourage us to pick one. Lots of straight people are invested in a monogamous ideal of marriage (however imperfectly adhered to in practice) that necessarily excludes same-sex relationships. As for gay men, have you heard the scorn heaped upon men who come out as bi?

So to get back to MO's question, it's possible that her son actually is confused. That's OK. You're supposed to be confused as a teenager. He'll work things out for himself as time goes by. The important things are to continue doing all those important parenting things that MO is already doing: being supportive, unconditional love, all that.

And yes, adding in the sex education that he's absolutely not getting in school is an important part of that.
More...
Jan 30 Corydon commented on Update: Uber Kept Driving Amid Taxi Strike, Announces $3M In Support of Ban-Threatened Drivers; Lyft Donates $1M to the ACLU.
@12 Try it. You might just find that you like living without mega media corporations in your life.

I can't delete Uber because I never allowed them on my phone. Anyone who has been following the antics of the douche who runs the company knows that Uber is not a company you want to be doing business with.

This latest action merely cements what I already knew.
Jan 20 Corydon commented on The Racists Are Not Afraid Anymore.
"Blacks Make Racial Slurs & Commit Hate Crimes Too!!"

Well, yes. In my experience all human beings are prone to prejudice. It's something we all have to struggle with.
Jan 20 Corydon commented on Thanks, Obama: Favorite Presidential Moments from the Last Eight Years.
As someone who was discharged under DADT and who later worked in a small way for its repeal, I've got to say this was really the high point for me. It was really hard for me to believe; I had to walk into a recruiter's office with my DD214 to see if it was really true (it was; at my age they would have let me into the reserves, I would have kept most of my rank, but would have had to go through basic training again. If I hadn't tested positive for HIV in the interim I might have done it too). That was one very personal thing that President Obama helped accomplish.

Speaking more broadly about the country, it's really hard to overstate the importance of the ACA. Democrats have been pushing towards the goal of coverage for all since the 1930s, but it's always been too heavy of a lift. The ACA is imperfect, both in philosophy (a simple, straight-up single payer system has always been my preference) and design (the criticisms about increasing premiums, decreasing benefits and lack of providers are valid), but has unquestionably been a major step forward in coverage.