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I'm married, poly, and kink-friendly My passion is for helping people have healthier, happier, and… more »

TheGoddessMaria is wondering if anyone really reads other users' profiles.
Dec 18, 2012 TheGoddessMaria commented on Savage Love.
Young lady, my heart goes out to you. After being sexually molested, of COURSE you have more extreme fantasies. You had the curiosity aspect taken from you. In non-consent fantasies, the thinker, the "author", the narrator is the ultimate power holder. So even if the character under power is "abused", it's still for the enjoyment of the enduser: the masturbator. I think Dan is right on with his advice. I echo the sentiment about getting a sex-savvy therapist! Best wishes from an older lady who is still feeling good about her raunchy taste in erotica.
Dec 15, 2011 TheGoddessMaria updated his or her location.
Dec 15, 2011 TheGoddessMaria commented on Savage Love.
Wow, I just gave a strong recommendation to the book "Healing Sex" by Staci Haines just yesterday! To anyone who has been, or is intimate with, a person who has been abused sexually, this book can be very helpful. I work in the sex industry, and help keep couples intimately connected - this is an excellent resource. (so much so that I don't care where anyone buys it, even though I do sell it.)

I agree with the idea that the woman in LACA's letter should explore why she stayed as long as she did - but a GOOD therapist will make her get to the reason(s) why on her own terms. Gently nudging someone to get the help they could use is not wrong, but must be offered as neutrally as possible. "Honey, I found some resources for people who went through what you did, and I hear they do great work. Here's a couple of numbers and brochures," and leave it at that. It's like anything else - if she's not ready now, it won't work. And if when (if) she's ready to explore it, that would be great, but I think it's not crucial if she's in a good relationship now. As long as she maintains her boundaries in other relationships as well. (i.e., she's not letting her boss, her mom, her pastor walk all over her)

I hope that is a helpful comment!
Dec 1, 2010 TheGoddessMaria commented on Savage Love.
I'd like to put in a plug for using different types of stimulation besides vibration, too. (and I agree about mixing it up from time to time) The clitoris is not a nub at the top of the vaginal opening, but a wishbone shaped organ that lines the opening of the vaginal canal. Especially important would be to try stimulation creams and different specialty lubricants, too. Less friction and extra tingly sensations can get things going. My best recommendation for women is to read Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston.
Nov 17, 2010 TheGoddessMaria updated his or her location.
Nov 17, 2010 TheGoddessMaria updated his or her bio.
Nov 17, 2010 TheGoddessMaria commented on SL Letter of the Day: Best Opening Sentence Ever.
@7 Yes! It was completely like an erotic Car Talk! Sooo much crossover between Savage Love readers and NPR listeners. (I remember hearing Dan Savage on my local NPR station's broadcast of This American Life and having one of those "driveway moments" NPR likes to talk about at pledge time... Dan made me cry!!!) To the author of this letter, thank you - it was indeed quite fun to read! Ah, reliving the old days....
Nov 10, 2010 TheGoddessMaria commented on Savage Love.
If we're talking about a woman, I'd advise a copy of Women's Anatomy of Arousal, by Sheri Winston. Joy of Sex is ok, but there are complete organ systems missing in most texts on female anatomy. It's not even the fault of modern folks - a lot of it was simply excised from history. (the clitoris is NOT a tiny button, but looks more like a wishbone) If lube is "not an option" then extended foreplay is absolutely essential. Dehydration and medications (even allergy pills) can lead to a dry vagina, so lube up! I recommend Wet Lite - it's approved for medical use, so it's as safe as a lube can be! (yes, I sell these!)
Nov 2, 2010 TheGoddessMaria commented on Savage Love.
Oh, and I forgot to add, you young folks in the first letter - you're still in the throes of what we sex education types like to call NRE - new relationship energy. Be very wary of making decisions that affect your life and the lives of others while under this spell. Good luck!
Nov 2, 2010 TheGoddessMaria commented on Savage Love.
I love the advice in letter #1. I'm in a couple of longterm relationships outside of my marriage, and one of them is threatening to make it to ten years! (I've been married for 18.) I've seen married folks dump the spouse and kids and shack up with their new "flavor of the week", and get COMPLETELY accepted by their families, no questions asked. THESE people have no shame, so neither should most folks. I don't run my lifestyle choices by anyone who I think won't understand, let alone anyone who I think will ridicule me, and I suggest the same for anyone else who likes to think for themselves. (I love you, Dan Savage!)