Apr 16 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
CMD @ 128 - "I wish she knew how much lovers of all persuasions like to see their loved ones move from time to time"

This reminds me of an old joke about the English. I suppose it's been around for a while and the names of the characters have changed often, but this is the version I heard 30 years ago:
Charles and Diana are having sex.
At one point, Charles asks: "Did I hurt you?"
"No," answers Diana. "Why do you ask?"
"You moved."

And thanks for congratulating me on my writing style ;)
Apr 16 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
BDF @ 131 - By our 40s, we should at least have learned that perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and that when someone tells you (impersonal you) that you really turn them on - and proves it with everything they do to/with you - you should believe them, relax, and enjoy.

Sadly, this is not the case in my experience.

Lava @ 133 - My thoughts exactly.
Apr 15 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
Hunter @ 128 - Roundly generous is a very nice and accurate way to describe the guys I'm attracted to.
Apr 15 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
Griz @ 93 - That was precisely my intention. And I see you're proudly carrying on this new tradition (?) with your celebratory post @ 100.

Lava @ 122 - That's a pretty good explanation, I would say.

As I've often said here, I like big guys, and a lot of them are really self-conscious (they won't take off their shirt, they want to turn the light off, they prefer this or that position - and it's not always because of the confort level, as it sometimes complicates the logistics of sex tremendously, but because they think they look better that way - etc.). The fact that they're with a guy who pursued them precisely because he's attracted to bigger bodies (and presumably won't find any part of them less attractive in any position) is irrelevent, as they've had a lifetime of being told that they are outside the aesthetic norm, and it takes more than one lover's enthusiasm to get over that.

My point is that yes, the woman may indeed be self-conscious, and it will take more than this particular lover's enthusiasm to get over a lifetime of conditioning.

And now I'll stop taking my writing cues from CMD @ 91.
Apr 15 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Soon Should He Bring Up His DUIs?.
Ally @ 26 & Emma @ 32 - I don't think its physiological.

Here's my (potentially totally wrong) hypothesis: this LW is the type (IMNSHO) to put a lot of barriers to dating and having sex, for whatever reasons (religious baggage, internalized homophobia, etc.), so he can only "let go" and let himself get fucked once he's had enough poppers to switch his brain off - as I've been told the desire for sex is overwhelming when you're on popper. I never used them myself (they give me a headache at a meter's distance), but I sure do know that those who use them quickly become totally focused on their own sexual satisfaction and absolutely nothing else, so perhaps he needs that to remove his mental blocks.

Unfortunately, unless you're a 21 year-old stud, poppers also give you a limp dick rather fast (and they can be deadly when combined with viagra), so that may also be why he can't top. He needs poppers to remove his barriers, but once they're removed, his penis won't cooperate.
Apr 13 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up.
"This guy" really shows a lack of understanding of how blood tests work. You don't get an instant result (it either takes some time to get a result, or it only tells you what your status was a while back, or both), so his solution would merely make people believe that they are safe when they're not, and they'd be more likely to take chances that they should never take. More harm would ensue. IMO, "this guy" is precisely the kind of guy who's more likely to spread infections because he's so fucking sure he's not.

Also: prison sentences only mean that people won't get tested for fear of being sent to prison if they know they're poz. Again, more harm would ensue.

And it's not like this hasn't been discussed abundantly in the past and we have nothing to base policies on.

In short: not a very bright fellow, this guy.

Apr 13 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
Griz @ 69 - Surely you meant "69ts"

BDF @ 78 - "She just said the equivalent of 'hmm, this animal is furry and has pointy ears and says meow, it must be a dog!'"

A perfect summation of the problem.
Apr 12 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
Jina @ 51 - "You even said it yourself - "they stop lying to themselves," emphasis on the word "lying." In other words people who claim to be bisexual are just lying to themselves, and it's just a matter of time before they come clean and pick a side."

That's such a big one, it must have been really hard to pull out of your ass.

Everything I said was about GAY PEOPLE who pretend that they're bi. I wasn't taking about bi people, who are bi. Can't you read? Or do you just twist everything so that it confirms your preformed opinions?
Apr 12 Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Soon Should He Bring Up His DUIs?.
I'm surprised he doesn't simply state "Bottom. Into poppers." in his Grindr profile. That would be the most efficient and stressless way to solve that non-issue, and the people he'd meet would be tops who are into poppers, too (or into bottoms who use poppers).

Apr 12 Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
Jina @ 37 - "it wasn't that long ago that even Dan didn't really think bisexual people existed"

Really? It seems to me that all he ever said was that a lot of gay people (including himself, and most of the gay people I knew when I was starting to come out) go through a phase where they say they are bi as they think this will be easier for the folks/school environment/whatever to accept. Then, after a year or two, they stop lying to themselves and to others and admit that they're gay.

There is nothing in that position that denies the existence of bisexuals. It's merely a comment on how difficult it is for many to come out as gay.