12:26 PM Ricardo commented on Jesus Saves....
35 - God's just a "tough love" kind of guy... like so many of his followers.
11:00 AM Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 125 - I'd say what's missing is pleasure-focussed sex ed instead of orgasm-focussed sex ed (although I'm afraid that in many cases, sex ed is missing altogether).

Perhaps the collective/governmental/religiously-tainted view of sex ed is still so much focussed on the goal of reproduction, with everything else being considered accessory to that aim, that orgasm (specifically the man's) is still considered paramount, a view which totally distorts the teaching, as well as minimizing the breadth of functions sex can have (relaxing, nurturing intimacy, feeling pleasure for its own sake, taking your mind off Trump's election...).

Just a thought. It's been a long time since I've had sex ed, and I didn't even listen coz I had already read The Joy of Sex by then.
10:35 AM Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: We Will Never Get Closure On CLOSURE.
@ 72 - If that were the case, his solution of moving closer might have been tempting to her.

Perhaps that's why no one's proposed that so far (though many have commented on this specific paragraph).
7:37 AM Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 122 - Not everyone's mouth is shaped exactly the same, neither is every man's dick.

My favourite position to give head is to be sitting or kneeling in front of a guy who's standing. That's the easiest way for my mouth to accomodate most shapes and sizes, so I can do it longer. I don't see it as a submissive position; it's a practical one.

Granted, I'm a man, and you could argue that there's inherently less power imbalance in men-men sex, but I did have a relationship with a dominant guy many years ago, and I had to stop it at one point because in spite of his desire to turn me into a sub, I never saw myself as such - even though I quite enjoyed many of the things he made me do. He did expand my sexual horizons tremendously, and I'm grateful to him for that, but I was constantly frustrated as I wanted to do the same things to him and he wouldn't let me. To me, they were only sexual acts, not acts of domination/submission, whereas to him the D/s dynamics was the whole point. All this to say that I believe the "submissive" aspect of it is only in the mind of the partners (something which, of course, can be and probably most often is shaped by social factors, like gender roles etc.), and does not lie in the nature of the act itself or the position used to perform it.

To get back to BJs : Sometimes guys push it all the way in and it's uncomfortable and makes me choke, and sometimes they do it just the right way and at the right time and it turns me on even more. The thing is to find what you like and what you don't with a particular guy, tell him, and then see how he acts. If he keeps doing what you told him you don't like, that's when you have to say "no more head from me". But at first, everyone fumbles a bit.
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6:46 PM yesterday Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 104 - Griz - If we ever meet, that'll be our secret code to recognize each other.

@ 112 - "Please be aware that some of us need to participate in order to reach climax... This is not because you suck at sucking."

Yes. Thanks for mentioning it, CMD.

I personally enjoy having my balls sucked, sometimes more than my dick (depending on the mouth). Sucked - not chewed -, licked, with a LIGHT pull (they're sensitive little things!). The area under and around the balls is also highly sensitive. Running your tongue down there with a hand working the shaft is also a great way to provide pleasure towards climax while avoiding a facial, if you're not into that.
3:21 PM yesterday Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 99 - "If that's the case, then their sex life has worse than average problems"

I always think that people who write to an advice columnist saying they have an average sex life are way underestimating the average in order not to feel so bad about their lot.
1:46 PM yesterday Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 90 - "Sucking cock should never be a job and being blown may not always happen."

I'll have to memorize this one and use it again later. Thanks, Lava.

@ 95 - Here's me projecting: I'm happy when my partner sucks my cock between 2 to 5 minutes as foreplay (not that I'm actually counting the seconds, but just to give you an idea). I'm not happy when he tries to make me come that way, coz it's happened maybe 10-15 times in my life; it gets to be a chore for the both of us, my mind drifts into some other space and I lose my erection.

Such being the case, I thought he only wanted oral from time to time, not necessarily all the way to orgasm.
1:38 PM yesterday Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: We Will Never Get Closure On CLOSURE.
@ 48 - Because you're reading the dumpee's account of how it happened., Lava. But if he never listened, he can't tell you what she said.
10:18 AM yesterday Ricardo commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: We Will Never Get Closure On CLOSURE.
@ 45 - From repeated personal experience, I can say that when one of the partners doesn't want to hear what the other has to say during the relationship, it'll still come as a surprise to the former when the latter decides it's over. The dumpee will still not accept those reasons, will still think that it's unfair and that s/he hasn't been given a chance to work on the issues, etc. And since s/he never actually listened to what s/he was being told, s/he will be convinced that s/he's the victim.

I may be totally wrong (as my view is tainted by the aforementioned personal experience), but my hunch is that this is the case with CLOSURE. His ex is not giving him reasons because she already has, and since he didn't care then, there's no reason for her to think it'll be of any use to repeat them now.
7:11 AM yesterday Ricardo commented on Savage Love.
@ 77 and all those who mentioned fecal smell - Thank you. Unfortunately (I believe someone has pointed that out already), you can wash everyday and still smell of shit down there if you had a crap after your shower.

Advice to everyone: whenever possible, wash your asshole with soap and water.before sex. (I say "whenever possible" because I am aware that some situations don't allow it: quickies in public bathrooms, in the photocopy room at christmas work parties, etc. Just don't expect oral or rimming in those circumstances, though.)