It's not very popular.

in the past few hours Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Wonderful Fiancé Turns Out To Be Total Shit Stain.
@ 86/87 - "It's fucking childish"!?!

If you want to see childish, look in the mirror. You think like an 8 year old.
3:49 PM yesterday Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Wonderful Fiancé Turns Out To Be Total Shit Stain.
@ 68 - I'm not sure that this "decreases the chances that infidelity will occur".

My personal reflex, when one of my exes has tried to control me in such a way (the two times I made the mistake of making a supposedly monogamous commitment - I say supposedly because in the end, the jealous boyfriends cheated on me), was to think that if I'm already a cheating slut in his eyes, and if I already have to endure the insults and everything that comes with that, I might as well cheat on him anyway (which, unfortunately, I didn't do, since I take my commitments seriously).
Jan 23 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Wonderful Fiancé Turns Out To Be Total Shit Stain.
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Jan 23 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 129 - It's been repeated several times already: they're not married.
Jan 23 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 55 - "Twice he lied about sex."

Twice.

I don't think I need to say any more.
Jan 23 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 59 - "it's definitely worth it for LW to consider the man as a whole as she decides what to do".

Did you read the letter?!? The man as a whole is a lying sack of shit, not matter what his excuses for lying are. If it's difficult for him to "harmonize the expectation of monogamy with the realities of his sexuality", he should simply avoid relationships with people who expect monogamy.That's what intelligent, mature and respectful people do - you know, those people who are actually worth knowing and having relationships of any kind with. And he most certainly should not try to convince the people he lies to to have children with him so it'll be difficult for them to leave him. He's a lying, manipulative piece of shit.

Seriously, how could she ever trust a guy who has lied constantly for seven years? You want the man to be judged by his deeds? Here's a run-down of his deeds for the last seven years: lying, manipulating, lying again, lying some more, manipulating again, repeat ad nauseam.

If she wants to avoid trouble, she needs to avoid the man. Let him work on his own on trying to be less of a sack of shit; that's his problem, not hers.
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Jan 22 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 50 - Oh come on. You're being facetious. Everyone tries to protect their own interests, of course. But you can do it without misleading others.

For instance, when in a relationship, my strategy is to negotiate honestly so we can both get what is important to us, even though we each might have to sacrifice a little of what we want.

Liars are only concerned with their own interests. Very often, they'll even convince themselves that they're lying for the sake of the other person - "to protect them from hurt" - but it's all BS, as the LW's situation clearly illustrates.

Full disclosure: I have had two relationships with liars (the two toxic relationships I mentioned earlier).

Whereas I would negociate in good faith, they were lying, so they never respected what we had agreed on. When we would discuss what we wanted in life, they were lying, so I was working toward a supposedly common goal that they only pretended to care about, while they were directing their energies at selfishly satisfying their personal desires. Eventually, I realized I was living with a person I didn't know at all and who was in no way the kind of person I wanted to be with, because all along, they had lied about what their values, goals and desires were, about the type of relationship they wanted, about their reasons for being with me, about what they liked to do in bed... about everything, really.

They most definitely both had qualities. But in the end, their only real talent was lying, and the fact that they did their part of the housework didn't stop them from being total pieces of shit who brought me a lot of problems (guess who had to deal with the consequences of all their lies, since I wasn't the only person they lied to?) and made it very difficult for me to trust other men.

Is that really what you want out of a relationship? Is that really your advice to the LW?

I'm sorry to say that you're not being very wise today.
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Jan 22 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 46 - Lying is the method by which liars try to protect their own interests. By definition, this goes squarely against all the important virtues needed to make a relationship work. I truly don't see how it could be possible to live happily with someone like that.

There aren't any perfect people, sure. But liars are at the bottom of the barrel as far as I am concerned.
Jan 22 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 40 - She may not be American, and there are many countries where unmarried couples have pretty much the same obligations as married ones.
Jan 22 Ricardo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Cheater and Cheated.
@ 34 - As for the possibility of finding a liar who is a decent and kind person, in my experience, these are mutually exclusive categories, so we'll have to agree to disagree.
 

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