nocutename
Berkeley, California
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Feb 23 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What Does “Vanilla” Even Mean?.
@38: I agree! Beats me what some people won't do.
I have tried so many things in the interest of being ggg (which I think of as being sexually generous), and virtually all of them have been things I have found I like quite a lot. My sexual repertoire has expanded and I have a lot more fun--and some of it has asked a lot more of me than saying a few dirty words.
Feb 23 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What Does “Vanilla” Even Mean?.
I can't imagine what "made to feel weird about" could mean other than "shamed."
"Oh, you want that? Oh . . . Oooo-kay. Why do you want to do that?"
This would seem to be the very definition of being shamed, unless if by "shamed" you are referring to being put in the public stockade (which would be a turn-on for some of us).

For the record, I don't come in with a list of orders or requirements like a Nazi Commandant in some B movie ("you vill call me ze filthy names, now, ja?"). I don't insist. I don't give men a script to follow. But I will say, during flirty times, that I love dirty talk, and during sex, I will do it myself. Then I might call myself a dirty slut or say something along those lines, and it makes me very happy if my partner takes the cue (of course, I love it if he naturally already wants to talk dirty). If it doesn't happen after a couple of encounters and we're seriously dating, I may ask him to please talk dirty to me. Some men won't. Some say that they feel too ridiculous or that they are too self conscious. Some try and just can't do it well. But occasionally they act as if I have a major psychological problem because it turns me on--and I think that's a dick move.
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Feb 23 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What Does “Vanilla” Even Mean?.
@21: I have had numerous partners who wanted to watch me masturbate and I love watching my partner masturbate. I would never bark orders or anything, but I find it very, very sexy to mutually masturbate and it's not something I do just because I am "too tired" or want something "very specific."

To each her own.

I also always assume that the phrase "mutual masturbation," or indeed any use of the words "masturbate" or "masturbation" refer to one's touching oneself. Otherwise, it's not masturbation but giving a hand job, touching each other, fingering, what-have-you. To me, the word has a built-in suggestion of self-pleasuring.

But I don't find it so "self"-y, when it's done in the presence of another person and the other person is turned on by it. Then, to me, it becomes just one more item on the whole sexy smorgasbord.
Feb 23 nocutename commented on White House: Yeah, We're Going To Go After Legal Pot.
It's as if if something is a progressive idea it must be bad and reversed. No matter what the issue is.
Feb 22 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What Does “Vanilla” Even Mean?.
I have had men ask me about my relationship with my father and sadly lament my damaged self-esteem and suggest I need psychiatric help because I wanted them to call me a "dirty slut" while having sex.
Whatever.
Feb 22 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@17: Are people required to have 100% original fantasies all the time? Things become clichés because they are grounded in reality.
People want what they want. They shouldn't be made fun of or shamed because their desires or interests are predictable or typical.
Feb 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Maybe the wife in letter #1 means it when she says it--in the moment, under the haze of sex-fog. Then, when the mist has cleared, those things don't sound so appealing. Maybe she doesn't realize that her husband views her as a tease (and not in the good way). I think a non-judgmental, honest conversation is in order. Maybe they can figure out what she is really willing to try in real life and what she wants to have remain a play-fantasy. Maybe he should communicate to her how frustrating he finds her teasing him with the promise of things he wants that she doesn't know he wants, if he thinks they will never be realized.

I would say that he should try to consider that she's not trying to frustrate him; she probably is enjoying taking these fantasies out for a hypothetical spin. If he finds it more hurtful than helpful, I think he needs to communicate that to her.
Feb 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Hunter: IT'S A FUCKING IDIOM: "Taking one for the team." In this case, having sex.
That is all. It doesn't tell you the specifics of the sex act, the genders of the participants, or anything else. For all you know, AAA is a man who doesn't want to have to have sex with a woman. There is nothing inherently sexual about the phrase. AAA is sacrificing for the sake of having a relationship, and the sacrifice is having sex. Period. That's all that can be known or gleaned from the letter.
Feb 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@95: Except that the phrase "take one for the team" was used to refer to having sex in order to be in a couple, not about the specific sex act and who does what to whom.

Look, I read AAA as being female, too, mostly because I think more often than not, it is women to take one for the "team" of the couple--to preserve male ego, to keep the peace, to not be beaten, to not be left alone in a society that mostly sends the message that an unattached woman is a failure.

But BiDanFan called you on your default assumption that AAA was a woman and rather than say that the letter just gave off a "frigid 50s female" vibe to you (which wording is itself insensitive and insulting, but what more should we expect from a sexist troll like you?), you had to pretend that AAA's use of a well-known idiom had a sexually descriptive aspect to it. Then for good measure, since it's not enough for you to demean women, you had to throw in a little homophobia-lite with your "gay bottom" reference, implying that gay men who bottom are somehow feminized.

Feb 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@93: What utter bullshit. A man would use the phrase "give one for the team?" Really? And the phrase refers to "female (or gay bottom)?"

Give me a break. It comes from sports. It refers to a sacrifice made by the individual for the sake of the group.
I honestly can't believe that you don't know this expression. But like so many folks who feel they have to double down when they're called out on a stupid interpretation, you just end up looking stupider when you spout crap like this.

Here are some definitions for you:

From Oxford Living Dictionaries:
Willingly undertake an unpleasant task or make a personal sacrifice for the collective benefit of one's friends or colleagues.
‘I took one for the team by naming myself the designated driver’
'Someday soon I hope we won't have to make that kind of choice, but for now, in the interest of improving visibility for women overall, we should be more than willing to take this one for the team.’
‘It's all about working together and personal sacrifice, taking one for the team.’
‘If public workers are willing to take one for the team, so to speak, they'll garner considerably more goodwill.’
‘You've got to take one for the team sometimes.’


From Wikitionary:
Etymology[edit]
By analogy with sports teams when a player makes a sacrifice for the benefit of the team
Verb[edit]
take one for the team
(idiomatic, informal) To accept some chore, hardship or punishment for the sake of one's friends or colleagues.


From Urban Dictionary:
The act of someone willingly making a sacrifice for the benefit of others.
There wasn't enough room in the car, so Jerry decided to take one for the team and stayed behind while the reast of us went to the big concert.

"Man, Jerry warned us that movie would suck, so he went to go see it before the rest of us just to make sure, and man was he right."
"Yeah man, he can really take one for the team.
#wingman #team player #sacrificial lamb #good sport #buddy


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