Berkeley, California
report this user
in the past few hours nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Friend With Benefits Being An Asshole?.
I, too, took the sign-off name to suggest that the lw was a man, but gender and orientation really makes no difference whatsoever in this letter.
The way I see it, the FWB has caused the hamster in SIGH's head to wake up, get on its wheel and start running. When I feel my hamster wake up and head to its wheel, I have learned to respond by stopping. I have come to realize that anyone who sets my hamster on its wheel is bad for me, and that I prefer to live with my hamster at rest.
5:12 PM yesterday nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Friend With Benefits Being An Asshole?.
Goddamn, Dan, you are slaying these days!
1:15 PM yesterday nocutename commented on Texas Teacher Smiles For Mugshot.
Selfie culture; always take a flattering photo. Especially when you know it's going to end up on the Internet. See comments @1 and @3; it's working.
Mar 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Tale of Two Colleagues (She's Humping).
I'm stone-cold sober and I can't follow this. Or understand why it matters.
Lw, date who you want. I would think that there would be more than 2 people in the world for you to toggle between (Dan's point, I think), and I would think that it should be obvious that dating a bunch of your co-workers, some seriously where bad breakups can happen and others who can be malicious but are casual, is a blinking neon sign saying "Drama Ahead, plus some probable HR company policy violations," but hey, if that's your thing, go for it.
Mar 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@4: dstar, I'm sorry to hear about your wife's cancer.
Mar 21 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Why is being a woman a choice between multiple orgasms and horrible periods?
Some women have both; some have neither. Some women have horrible periods and no orgasms at all. Some have multiple wonderful orgasms and easy-peasy periods.

Some are defined by many other things entirely.
Mar 20 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You Heard It Here First, Cousin.
This has nothing--NOthing to do with the first cousin angle.
Mar 20 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
I reread SHHH's letter and it seems that there are three issues:
1) Now that she has a deep and loving relationship with her bf, her feelings get hurt when he humiliates or hurts her during sex.
2) She can still enjoy BDSM with others with whom she's in more casual relationships. It's unclear whether her bf minds that she gets those needs met elsewhere. She says they're polyamorous, so presumably they're each free to have kinky sex or just kink with others.
3) Boyfriend feels slighted that she still wants the kinky sex, but not with him.

It's not clear whether the bf enjoys vanilla sex at all. It's not clear whether he's more upset that the BDSM has stopped in their relationship or that the lw still wants it--just not with him.

This is an interesting twist on a problem I've heard about from the other side. I know some people who can't inflict pain on the person they're in love with. So the relationship, which began as a BDSM one rooted in a D/s dynamic has shifted. Some people seem to be able to switch their primary relationship to a more vanilla model and allow the sex to no longer contain BDSM elements of pain and humiliation, especially, if they can get those desires met elsewhere. If he can enjoy vanilla sex, this might have a chance of working: they each outsource the BDSM. But it sounds as though BDSM is crucial to both of them.

This might just be analogous to a vanilla woman who, though feeling deep love for her partner, no longer feels sexually attracted to him. In that case, I think it might be time for this relationship to shift into a deep and loving friendship.
Mar 18 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@118: I didn't see anything in WKW's letter to indicate he thought that the man and three women in hijabs and modest dress were accidental observers, if by "accidental," you mean that they wandered in off the street by chance and were unaware of the nature of the convention they'd wandered into. They may have just come upon that particular orgy by chance, but since they were at Dark Odyssey Winter Fire, which WKW describes as "the big kink hotel takeover event," I have to assume they knew they were attending a kink event and were there deliberately. Here is the pricing for the event. If you have to pay that kind of money, you pretty much know what you're paying for. Or if you don't know the specifics, you are at least curious, don't you think?
Mar 18 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Perhaps CMD's phrase should be: "for all time some wealthy and powerful men have been known to have one standard at home while a very different one elsewhere."

I think that men holding the women of your household, your wife or wives, children, unmarried sisters, mother, and mother-in-law to a standard entirely different to the way you perceive and treat other women is practically universal, and simply can be enacted on a larger scale the more money and power they have. It certainly cuts across religions and cultures.

The possibilities I can come up with for the women in modest dress accompanying the man to the orgy at the kink event could have been:
1) Role-playing entirely: not Muslim, not observant, but acting out either their own fetish or helping their friend or client to realize his.
2) Muslim kinksters who get off on transgressive behavior, including incorporating modest garb into sexual situations.
3) Some sort of harem, maybe kinky themselves, maybe not, who are clothed a lot differently underneath their modest outer-wear, but still go about publicly in traditional modest garb.