nocutename
Berkeley, California
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2:53 PM yesterday nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Lifelong Straight Guy Wants To Recreate Magical Gay Sex He Once Had With Smooth Guy Whose Queeny Ways Appealed to Him.
@Wandering Stars: Your story breaks my heart. I'm so glad you had your brother, and still have him. I'm so angry at your parents. I'm so sad for your childhood and so glad you got out and found your true home and have stayed true to yourself. You are obviously a very brave and a very strong man.

I think Ricardo is generally someone worth listening to, and I hope you two can find some fundamental core similarities or shared meaning.
Jan 16 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Lifelong Straight Guy Wants To Recreate Magical Gay Sex He Once Had With Smooth Guy Whose Queeny Ways Appealed to Him.
Ricardo, I first read you as saying it was definitely the altitude and I thought that even at sea level this guy sounds like he'd have problems getting laid.
Jan 13 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Tsunamis, Dream Jobs, and Other Reasons Not To End a Relationship Prematurely.
@3: this guy I know in Spokane, why isn't there a "like" button here?
Jan 13 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Tsunamis, Dream Jobs, and Other Reasons Not To End a Relationship Prematurely.
Predictions spookily on point, Dan. Any thoughts on the stock market?
Jan 10 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stamping Out "Just My Preference" Gays.
Okay, dcp123 and DAVID, i'm a Berkelyite, too. Wonder if we ever crossed on the street.
A friend of mine with a child who is a different race than she and her husband contacted me a few years ago asking how difficult/easy it would be to be a mixed-race family in Berkeley. They wanted to move from New York City and were concerned about how they'd fit in or be received elsewhere. I was a one-woman booster club for the Berkeley/Oakland area. Ultimately though, the cost of housing, not all that different from NYC, kept them away.
Jan 10 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Ex Was Wrong For Me But The Sex Was Perfect.
I still pine sexually for an ex-boyfriend I dated for 7 months over 5 years ago. Some sexual connections are really rare. Oh well.
Jan 10 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Please please run only letters from non-hetero people having non-breedery problems for the rest of the month. Just in case asshole #4--BREEDER--is still hate-reading.
Maybe only non-hetero letters all through February, too. Most of us can take it.
Jan 10 nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@Philophile 129: It isn't MBTCG's right or place to disclose what his girlfriend does without her permission, and she's clear that she doesn't want to do that ("it's something she likes to keep to herself, and for good reason, obviously.")

There's destigmatizing and there's also practical reality. And maybe the gf or even MBTCG doesn't want to have his friends become her clients, which might be a possible outcome of their knowing she's a cam girl.
Jan 7 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Snooper Boyfriend Keeps Snooping Through Passed Out Girlfriend's Phone.
@DonnyK: "Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."--Groucho Marx

@Chase: I think Dan has a new, shiny toy (a couple of them, actually, because he's been pushing the "smoke weed" solution pretty hard lately, too), and he just wants everyone to love it as much as he does. I know he's been non-monogamous and smoking or eating weed for a lot longer than he's been proselytizing for both, but my theory is that

a) the book Sex At Dawn came out and corroborated his experiences and views
and
b) recreational marijuana is legal in Washington state and his mother is no longer alive

and now the bars holding him back have been removed.

I agree that holding people to lifelong monogamy in which even the simplest slip, like, say, a kiss or a drunken make-out session is seen as a relationship-extinguishing event (see the SLLOTD Newly Engaged Woman Debates Confessing Bullshit "Infidelity" Or Keeping Mouth Shut) is setting many, if not most couples up for failure over the life of a long relationship, and we could all use little less hysteria around non-monogamous lifestyles and that we sure as hell could do with more forgiveness and better communication and understanding. In ALL our relationships. But Dan now has a one-size-fits-all solution that doesn't really answer a lot of people's questions or concerns.
You're right: it's getting old and this time it really reeked of insensitivity.

P.S. Dan, it'a not a "hallelujah pass;" it's a "Hail Mary pass." I'm neither a sports fan nor a Catholic, and even I know that. (I guess if it works, it becomes a hallelujah-worthy pass, but that's a retrospective thing.)
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Jan 7 nocutename commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Snooper Boyfriend Keeps Snooping Through Passed Out Girlfriend's Phone.
@35, 36, 37: Yes. Yes. Yes.

@CMD: I read Chase as saying that Dan's advice was as practicable as saying to a fish: "just start breathing air and walk on land. I do, and I've never had the problem you're describing." The lw is straight and monogamous. Chase suggests he'd have just as easy a time changing his monogamous nature as his sexual orientation. Furthermore, Chase's comment suggested the illogical syllogism: I am gay. I am not monogamous. Therefore all gay men are not monogamous." I've heard Dan say many times that he doesn't think gay men are as monogamous overall. There are lots of monogamous gay men and Dan's erasing them.

In other words, Dan was fucking up and doing disservices to more than one group.

It would be as if a skinny, flat-chested lesbian wrote to me and said: "my girlfriend promised to quit smoking, but I find lots of evidence that she's still smoking and now she's lying about that to me. What should I do?" And I answered, "I'm a straight woman with large breasts whose boyfriend doesn't smoke. So easy: just be straight with large boobs. Problem solved!"

I think you may be seeing homophobia where there isn't any. Or as Sigmund Freud probably never said, "sometimes a banana is just a banana. Anna."
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