1:33 AM yesterday
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@200 (migrationist): That is a very interesting line of thought. Several people have suggested that she suffered sexual abuse and is projecting real abuse onto this fairly benign situation, but I wonder if your theory might be closer. She says she feels panicked if she's having sex when someone is on top of her, and maybe she's trying to find a "reason" for that feeling. Maybe it's a variant of claustrophobia.
12:36 AM yesterday
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@seandr: I think the movie might lose its "G" rating then . . .
How about first she crawls around in a pair of thigh-high stockings and then they go on a picnic? Would that at least make it qualify for "PG-13?"
How about first she crawls around in a pair of thigh-high stockings and then they go on a picnic? Would that at least make it qualify for "PG-13?"
May 23
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Seandr said it, but I'm repeating it, because I think it is really, really true. Barring a minority of exceptions, most young girls/women "haven't come to terms with male sexuality." This doesn't just apply to this lw's story, this is true. And pop culture, Hollywood, and romance novels like Twilight, etc. do not prepare them for it, but probably make the first few encounters with genuine male sexuality more difficult and confusing, because it clashes with what young women have been led to expect. It's telling that Tracy Clark-Flory, who just wrote about "porn" on Tumblr, said that the "second most popular “porn”Tumblr in the world features multiple GIFs from 'The Notebook.'"
May 23
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@seandr: oh. Okay, then. I'm in like Flynn.
The body might be worse than it was when I was 17, but the moves are better, and the confidence is higher, too. Confidence about ability both to excite, to help complete, and to know what excites and gets me to completion. Less so about the physical aesthetic of the body. Guess it's time to break out the old piggy bank.
The body might be worse than it was when I was 17, but the moves are better, and the confidence is higher, too. Confidence about ability both to excite, to help complete, and to know what excites and gets me to completion. Less so about the physical aesthetic of the body. Guess it's time to break out the old piggy bank.
May 23
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Yeah, I think now that I'm middle aged with a roll or two, stretch marks, and cellulite, my days as a lucrative lap dancer are over.
May 23
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@seandr: You've basically described all my makeout sessions as a young'un.
Lap dances? I guess I should have charged for them.
Lap dances? I guess I should have charged for them.
May 23
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
@179: * Second paragraph should read "is *not* going to report him now," not "is going to report him now." Aaarrgghh!
Also, what I meant to make clear and don't think I did, is the fact that she thinks she has experienced something that she could report to the police is either indicative that this letter has been edited or that she's seriously over-reacting and has lost touch with reality. She can be upset all she wants--no one can legislate that. Whether or not others agree with her 14-year-old self's reaction is irrelevant. She has a right to her feelings. But unless something more happened than the letter describes, that sense of violation and perhaps shame should have receded long ago. Perhaps she would always have an "icky" memory of that makeout session. However, to be traumatized this badly 7 years later hints at emotional/psychological issues best dealt with through therapy; to think that she has a legitimate legal complaint that could result in his arrest suggests someone really out of touch with reality.
Also, what I meant to make clear and don't think I did, is the fact that she thinks she has experienced something that she could report to the police is either indicative that this letter has been edited or that she's seriously over-reacting and has lost touch with reality. She can be upset all she wants--no one can legislate that. Whether or not others agree with her 14-year-old self's reaction is irrelevant. She has a right to her feelings. But unless something more happened than the letter describes, that sense of violation and perhaps shame should have receded long ago. Perhaps she would always have an "icky" memory of that makeout session. However, to be traumatized this badly 7 years later hints at emotional/psychological issues best dealt with through therapy; to think that she has a legitimate legal complaint that could result in his arrest suggests someone really out of touch with reality.
May 23
nocutename commented on Savage Love.
Pretty much everything I can think of to say has already been said--and then some.
But this part really bothers me: "I don't want to report him to the police because it's not necessary—it happened so long ago." So she seems to believe that if she wanted to report this to the police, it's a reportable offense. The only thing keeping her from doing that is that the trauma "happened so long ago."
But in the next sentence she says "As far as I'm concerned, it wasn't rape." First of all, one sentence earlier, she said that the reason she is going to report him now--seven years after he came in his own pants against her clothed body during a makeout session--that it happened so long ago. Now, she's implying that she knows it isn't rape, though she seems to be under the impression that you can decide whether or not you were raped based on . . . what? Not penetration, apparently. You may get to decide whether or not you feel your boundaries were ignored, you may get to decide whether or not you feel violated, you may get to decide HOW YOU FEEL as the result of an interaction no matter what, but you don't get to decide that just because you are uncomfortable with a sexual experience it can be defined as rape and is worthy of being reported to the police.
BTW, all this discussion that's parsing "making out" and "dry humping" has left me confused. What is making out if it doesn't include a little dry humping? When two people are making out, is it supposed to be strictly mouth-to-mouth contact? Maybe I was/am just too much of a slutty girl, but I would have considered that whole encounter to fall under the category of "making out."
More...
But this part really bothers me: "I don't want to report him to the police because it's not necessary—it happened so long ago." So she seems to believe that if she wanted to report this to the police, it's a reportable offense. The only thing keeping her from doing that is that the trauma "happened so long ago."
But in the next sentence she says "As far as I'm concerned, it wasn't rape." First of all, one sentence earlier, she said that the reason she is going to report him now--seven years after he came in his own pants against her clothed body during a makeout session--that it happened so long ago. Now, she's implying that she knows it isn't rape, though she seems to be under the impression that you can decide whether or not you were raped based on . . . what? Not penetration, apparently. You may get to decide whether or not you feel your boundaries were ignored, you may get to decide whether or not you feel violated, you may get to decide HOW YOU FEEL as the result of an interaction no matter what, but you don't get to decide that just because you are uncomfortable with a sexual experience it can be defined as rape and is worthy of being reported to the police.
BTW, all this discussion that's parsing "making out" and "dry humping" has left me confused. What is making out if it doesn't include a little dry humping? When two people are making out, is it supposed to be strictly mouth-to-mouth contact? Maybe I was/am just too much of a slutty girl, but I would have considered that whole encounter to fall under the category of "making out."
May 21
nocutename commented on SL Letter of the Day: Have You Ever Heard of...?.
@32: well, clearly that was supposed to be "in" not "om." This carpal tunnel is killing me.
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Understandable, as a 14-year-old girl raised on pop culture Rom/Coms, etc., but getting weird as the obsession of a 21-year-old woman.