commented on Savage Love
This Peter guy seems like a bit of a douche - he gets around a bit!
Joking aside my ex was actually called Peter, and gave me that 'commitment' thing: liked to fuck when he was in the mood, liked to have someone to listen to his woes but didn't want to make any emotional investment. Guys like this don't change.
Ironically I was so hooked on this guy that no other could reach me emotionally, I just felt dead and empty without him, even years after.
HELPME - this Peter is not emotionally available to you and you will be more hurt with him than without. Being handsome, hung, the perfect lover, etc. will not change that.
BIL - decide whether a commitment free blowjob is more important than your relationship with your sister.
RECONS - you will get no thanks for interfering.
commented on Savage Love
BLECH has a tricky problem. She has a partner she likes whose choice in friends leaves her effectively isolated.
She could tell him to leave her out of that social scene completely and almost certainly be labelled a cold bitch by most of them. She could drag herself out and constantly fight the misery of being stuck in a social scene that gives her nothing and will slowly kill her soul - believe me, it will.
Either she or he needs to move in their outlook. His family isn't going to change so she will have to learn to deal with that if she wants to be part of his life in the long term but the friends is the problem.
If this is a serious relationship BLECH has to confront one of two things. Either change her outlook and find a way of enjoying these people, or tell him the truth.
If it was a case of one night out per week she should make excuses and say - "I know they are your good friends but it just isn't my scene, go out and have fun" - she is in a relationship, not joined at the hip.
If she is constantly expected to fit into that group four times a week then she is being forced to compromise who she is; that isn't fair. He needs to explain how he can be all feminist and wonderful but hang around with asshole friends all the time.
BLECH needs to work out which one of them, or both, needs to adjust.
commented on Defining Cheating Down, Down, Down...
Notwithstanding the potential discomfort (or pleasure) of having a thumb stuck in the butt, I can't imagine how anyone has the flexibility to get their thumb in their own butt while standing without certain discomfort in their wrist, arm, shoulder, neck and back.
I would recommend finding some other accommodating person for that.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Affairs We Don't Hear About
@15 " I've said again and again that these marriages that 'saved' by cheating probably shouldn't be 'saved' at all."
Isn't the point here that the kids' needs must surely be the priority and providing them with a stable home, good schooling, etc. might require that the parents remain married?
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
FUCK. One of the myths that sustains itself is that sexual, passionate, romantic love somehow trumps platonic, familial love. They are two different things. Most people seem to need both to function but there appears to be some unwritten rule that combining the sexual, passionate, romantic and familial is the only jackpot.
You seem to need both, that is reasonable, but your partner of 12 years can't offer the sexual and passionate, only the familial; accept that. And accept that she must find her way to deal with your right to find the others elsewhere; she seems to have done that. So, while being as sensitive about it as possible, you need to get on with a new phase in your partnership based on what is on offer there and allow yourself passion and sex. If you are worried about the state of your newly platonic partnership, then you need to work on allowing it to re-establish in its new form: that requires some space and time, and a little heartache.
commented on Savage Love
LW1, if you are truly religious then can't you tell the wife it is her duty to be better in bed? Or, if you have respect for her, then get you both some therapy and/or a divorce.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Longest Read
@31 wise words about the hamster.
BULLET: your head is milling over tons of things because the guy checked the boxes for so many areas and you find it difficult (as many of us have and still do) to reconcile that with the fact that there were several deal-breakers.
You recognise that there are still issues you need to get a handle on, and that is a healthy insight.
From a personal perspective it is a bitch that the one that really hit the spot was still not a good enough match to make it work but your challenge is to find a way to let go and work on your own outstanding issues so you are ready for someone with whom it will work.
Please work more on precis ;-)
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Off the Couch, Onto the Sheets
Another factor that hasn't really been explored in this thread is that therapeutic effects can vary over time. Typically the client experiences the greatest sense of elation about having overcome her/his issues close to the conclusion of the acute therapeutic phase. This wellbeing is maintained easily at first but is more likely to wane if/when sessions cease.
In short, the glow wears off after a while.
Putting the rather naive attachment to the therapist aside (he/she really shouldn't cross that boundary, and you shouldn't ask him) CYGMSA must give it time - longer than six months to see if she is fully coping with her emotions/life/issues - before she considers that she is fully fixed, she should have a follow-up session in a few months.
From what I've seen, getting a good therapist (one that works for you) is more difficult than finding a new partner.