commented on Savage Love
My sense is that first serious relationships often end in this type of drama. Not knowing how to end things, being insecure, somehow still clinging to the notion of "the one" etc. - I don't see this as particularly dickish or unusual. So my first advice to HIM would be - get over the idea that the two of them are "special" - lot's of first-love couples - maybe even most? - feel that way after break-up.
Beyond that, Dan's advice is, of course, right - HIM needs to get out of that "relationship" and the sooner the better. But if it takes him another 6 months or so that's not going to be the end of the world, either.
Oct 5, 2012
commented on Head of Seattle Prep—"Seattle's Jesuit High School Since 1891"—Endorses Marriage Equality, Urges Voters to Approve R-74
"Literalism in interpreting scripture is unique and endemic to anthropomorphic monotheism;"
I don't think that's correct. It's endemic to monotheistic fundamentalism - like evangelical Christianism, Islamism, and some strands of Jewish Orthodoxy.
The major strands in Christianity - Catholicism, mainstream Lutheranism - and Judaism - Conservative, Reform, Reconciliation - don't believe in literalism. In Islam literalism is unfortunately more widespread, I don't know much about that, though, beyond the fact that I guess it's connected to the story of how the Q'ran was dictated to Mohamed.
Oct 4, 2012
commented on Email of the Evening
@14 - you're also wrong. The e-mail went to anyone on OfA's e-mail list regardless of prior contributions. (As a foreign citizen I can't donate, so I'd know...)
Sep 5, 2012
commented on Score One for the Haters and Trolls
to be honest, my main take home message (and I say that as an atheist and - I guess - skeptic) is that it confirms all of my worst conceptions of the atheist "movement" - they're splitting into factious groups and attacking each other with a vengeance and hostility that was last seen when the Judean People's Front fought the People's Front of Judea.
(For those who don't want to go through the trouble of crawling through some of the blogs: contrary to what I initially though, Jen wasn't bullied by crazy right-wingers and creationists, but by fellow "skeptics" and "atheists" who were part of one (or various?) splits within the "movement").
I'm sorry for Jen, though. My sense is that she was one of the good ones.
Apr 17, 2012
commented on Savage Love
what 6 says - how to get squeaky clean would seem like an important question...
Feb 9, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Life Sentence
I think Dan's advice is naive. As everyone who has ever been or met as romantic 20 year old in love knows, LIBIDO won't leave the girl. There will be the usual cycle of ups and downs and, with a very high likelihood, they're going to split up in the next couple of years - few couples that young make it, even fewer that are mostly long distance.
The best advice to give him is to provide him with the language and the framework to talk and think about the issue. Then let him make his mistakes and learn from them like we all do.
When I was younger (not quite that young) and in a relationship with mis-matched sex-drives, I found Dan's language tremendously helpful - I could frame it as an issue that was just as much hers as mine, I could articulate the need to compromise (e.g. "a handjob or blowjob cheerfully given") etc. That didn't solve all problems, but I think laying things out did the relationship good and it certainly helped me to feel less crappy about the situation.