Aurora Erratic
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Aurora Erratic isn't it obvious? .
Jun 11 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Dramatists Club.
It was described to me as learning to sit with my feelings, instead of always doing something to act on them or make them go away, and it's useful even if you don't have depression.
Jun 11 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Dramatists Club.
I have known several people prone to depression - in fact I have been one - who have used romantic/ sexual complications to distract from their depression. If you always have a situation to roil over, it keeps the Black Despair at bay.
It does not, however cure it; and can hardly be said to be an improvement, as it takes up all your time and energy. I don't remember from the letter if you are under a doctor's care, but if not, please get under a doctor's care. The depression needs to be addressed first. Also - and this will sound smartasstical - but: get a hobby, something physical or creative, ideally. Something else to get your endorphins going, something to feel proud of, something to give you feelings of accomplishment. Something to bring you back to you, without someone else to define you.

Maybe you just need to be with you for a while. No complicated fluid-bondings; no lovers at all, in fact. (I know that sounds scary. It will be okay.) Just you, co-parenting with your ex, loving your children, spending time with supportive friends, seeing your doctor as necessary, spending time on your new pursuits, the ones that don't generate enough drama to keep you from feeling your feelings. When you are healthy again, start slow with your romantic relationships, and learn (I had to!) to ditch anyone who treats you badly.

Take care of yourself, LW.
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May 17 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She's Tired of Tickling the Boyfriend's Balls.
1) "Going forever" is over-rated, IMHO.
2) Maybe it is ego, but much of my satisfaction comes from seeing how hot my guy gets for me. Chronic lack of orgasm wouldn't be a dealbreaker but it would put a damper on the fun.
3) She is three months into this relationship, and deeply dissatisfied with their sex life, which has not improved despite serious efforts. There are women out there for whom this would be no big deal. I think they should say goodbye so they can each find someone more suited to them.
Apr 26 Aurora Erratic commented on Game of Thrones: Tear Down That Wall!.
This is amusing to me, because I've always thought a major theme of the show was the deck-chairs-on-the-Titanic quality of scheming over who sits the Pointy Chair, while the White Walkers pose an existential threat to all of human kind.
Apr 20 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
I also sleep with men - well, one man, these days - and I do NOT understand the sexual appeal of a man, or anyone else, who treats you like shit.
Apr 16 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Strap-On Tools.
Better advice in the comments than the column. That is starting to happen ALOT.
Mar 23 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
When we hear about a kinksters in this column who are unable/unwilling to be GGG without their kink, disproportionately, it is diaper fetishists. Is this a statistical blip, or is a diaper fetish more all-consuming of one's sexuality than most others?
Mar 12 Aurora Erratic commented on About Those Consent Is Simple PSAs....
@66, no, I think it was, "Oh, we are having such a good time, laughing her together, that must mean she's into me!" [Doesn't ask, goes for it, gets rejected]

I think the idea is, don't mistake a happy interaction for consent.
Mar 4 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Sexlessish Marriage Less Sexless During Affair.
@29, thank you for challenging the idea that not having all the sex you want makes you insane. It used to be that was just hyperbole, now it seems like we are supposed to take it literally.

People don't go insane from lack of sex. That doesn't happen. They get frustrated, they get unhappy, but they don't go insane.
Mar 4 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Sexlessish Marriage Less Sexless During Affair.
What the hell, Dan? People listen to you! Could you try not to give advice that will tear their lives apart?
How much sex you are having is not the only measure of the quality of your relationship. I feel ridiculous even typing something so obvious.