commented on SL Letter of the Day: Code Breakers
It's not either "crisis of meaning" or "all figured out." Most people are more in the "figure it out as I go along" mindset. In fact, I think certitude is the more unusual state.
Maybe work on your own struggles until you feel competent in your ability to figure it out as you go along, before getting back into a relationship?
commented on Savage Love
I think DOMME wants to blow up her marriage, but doesn't have the guts to say so, even to herself. So she'll get caught, then it'll all be out of her control. Bonus, it'll hurt the hell out of him for the ways he has disregarded and insulted her for years!
I don't have a lot of sympathy for this guy but hurting a person unnecessarily - a person she describes as her "best friend!" - is just not the way to go. If you want to end it, end it cleanly.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: This Cheater Will Never Stop Cheating
TSM - I recognize a lot of this from my MUCH younger self. I was only stuck three years, and thankfully didn't have children, but the feeling sounds familiar. Here's how I got out:
I recognized (finally) that I had to do something totally different from what I had been trying and failing to do. So I moved 1200 miles away. That worked. Drastic, yes, but the best thing I ever did.
And, yes, I got into counseling - after I moved. I learned that I was depressed and that having external drama distracted me from my inner pain. I also learned how to "sit" with feelings: not act on them, not try to do something to make them go away. Just feel my feelings.The only way out of those feelings is right through them. No over, no under, no around.
Think of it as akin to addiction. It doesn't matter if it seems like you SHOULD be able to get out just by willpower. "Should" isn't anything to do with it. This is consuming the only life you and your children have. Do what it takes to get away.
commented on Savage Love
I'd be pretty pissed off if a guy I was dating didn't mention he was in a committed relationship - open or not - until our THIRD date. Before any dates is best, but there is no excuse for not bringing it up on the first date.
commented on Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father
The search history is suspicious, but also: the daycare was in the father's work building. It seems like he would have realized what happened when he went to pick his son up from daycare...Somehow he forgot on BOTH ends?