Achieve the Four Modernizations.

Aurora Erratic
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  • What book have you read the most?: The Cider House Rules
  • Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
  • Tushy or Tuchus
  • What song do you want played at your funeral?: Papa was a Rodeo
  • SF or LA

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Aurora Erratic isn't it obvious? .
Oct 2 Aurora Erratic commented on SL Letter of the Day: Taking It Easy.
I'm with Phil H/ @6: I like to see the occasional happy ending.
Sep 24 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
@45 - Well, yes. I am seriously claiming that, because I never thought anything like "let that be a lesson to him."
The relevant lesson he should learn is that, while he might like to fuck others outside of his marriage, it makes him unhappy when his wife does the same. If he can't get past that, then open marriage is not for him.
I didn't say I don't feel any sympathy for him. Just because sympathy is not mentioned is not evidence of its absence.
Sep 24 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
@eudamonic, you've got me wrong. People learn in their relationships - or hopefully they do - when things go wrong. Not because of anyone's vindictiveness, but because that's one way we humans learn.
Dial it back, friend. No one's attacking you here.
Sep 24 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
@31 - I might have missed something, but where did "teach him a lesson" come from?
Sep 24 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
@31 - Yeah, but...he wrote the letter, hoping not to sound like an asshole. Nobody wants to think of themselves as an asshole. Didn't it seem like he protested a bit too much about it? HE was having an (at the time) out-of-bounds flirtation, but he TOTALLY didn't want to open the relationship, that was all her idea? I could hear it going something like this, when she confronts him about the flirtatious texts:
Him: "If you were more adventurous (toys, etc), more willing, less fat, I wouldn't have to look elsewhere!"
Her:"Fine, screw your playmate! See if I care! I'll find lovers of my own!"
Him (thinking his fat wife will never find anyone): "Good, I will!"
Then he proceeds to do so...and now he's crying foul when she does, too.
It could have happened exactly as he says, but it doesn't really ring true.
Sep 24 Aurora Erratic commented on Savage Love.
Now that LW 2 has lost his side relationship due to the move and his wife has other lovers, he wants to talk about shutting things down. And I suspect when he finds another flirtation that he wishes turns into a sexual relationship, he will want to talk about opening things up again.
Of course people have the right to renegotiate terms, but be fair. When it was him getting all the action, he was hunky-dory with it. This might be an opportunity to just sit with his feelings, and see if he can get past those feelings to enjoy seeing his wife feeling sexy and enjoying sex again. If not, maybe an open relationship is not for him, a thing that he should keep in mind the next time an attractive co-worker smiles his way.
Sep 23 Aurora Erratic commented on SL Letter of the Day: Played Out.
Good advice.
It occurs to me that Dan wouldn't typically ask a LW "whether you value the closeness, connection, companionship, etc., so highly" that they might wish to keep a relationship if there's a dearth of sex, which is the question I always ask them in my head. All relationships will fall short of ideal in some way, and the decision to stay or go always sort of boils down to this.
Sep 9 Aurora Erratic commented on SL Letter of the Day: You Can't Please Everybody.
I hope others have already said jumped in on this, but I just want to say, I'm a feminist and have no objection to my husband watching porn, so the LW does not speak for all of us. #notallfeminists
Aug 27 Aurora Erratic commented on SL Letter of the Day: Fuck That Guy.
This is terrible advice. The LW wants a relationship, and has stated that she'd be "hoping he'd fall in love with [her]" if they have the no-strings sex he is looking for. He is not going to fall in love, so sex with him is likely to extend her painful feelings.

Give yourself some distance, do fun and interesting things, minimize contact. Don't worry about who you fantasize about.

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