commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Your Trip Advisor
I recently went to a music festival in another country with a longstanding couple. I spent the whole time wondering why she was spiky and a bit of a cow, while my friend (her adoring bf) was obviously hoping for romance and love. He didn't get it!
On the way home she told him she'd met someone else, a mutual friend who was also a married man who left his wife for her. It killed him that she'd gone away with him to another country to enjoy a music festival, telling him on the train home, rather than cancelling it, all the while knowing that she was going to leave him. He felt stupid and betrayed.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Soft Serve
If I'd slept with someone who didn't bother contacting me for several weeks I'd think they weren't in the least bit interested, and I might well have given up and moved on. Probably your only option for salvaging this now is to be upfront and tell her you had performance anxiety because you like her so much and could you start again from scratch.
But I was coming here to say: say something. Opening up lines of communication isn't bad - it shows you can deal with things like a grown up and talk about the difficult stuff if you need to. I once was involved with a man who failed to tell me he was on blood pressure medication, knowing full well what effect it had on him. I had no idea what was going on in bed and he said nothing until I asked him later. Don't be that guy! It makes it seem like so much more of a deal than it really needs to be.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Sister's Womb
@15 has it right IMO.
The problem is that they keep bringing the LW into it as if she is a therapist and she's not - she's not a neutral third party either.
Ultimately LW you can't make either of them behave in any particular way and even though your advice is very sensible it sounds like neither of them are listening - maybe neither of them are prepared to rock the boat. It may be that your sister still wants kids but wants her partner more. The rights and wrongs of that are for her to deal with.
It sounds like this has reached the point where it is distressing and frustrating you to listen and it would be a good idea to stop - change the subject or just say you are feeling caught in the middle and you don't want to hear about this any more.
While they have you to talk to, neither of them is about to pay a therapist, are they? Best thing you can do all round is bow out and let your sister take the consequences of her own choices, like any other adult. You've done your best.
Jun 24, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Rainbow Correction
I'm afraid the LGBTQ community already has to proudly share the rainbow with the Brownies, hippies, crystal geeks, people who take E and fans of leprechauns, and let's not forget people who like real-life rainbows too. If they can deal with it, why not you?
Jun 23, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Ex Texting and Cord Cutting
Just bear in mind that if you do try to pull away properly, and he doesn't like it, he will find a way to reel you back in, pronto. There will be some kind of crisis which only you can help him with. It sounds like he's doing that already and it will happen to a greater extent the harder you try to get away.
Personally I've found that when I'm getting involved with someone and they don't feel the same, they will cling on just for the ego boost. It's cruel but that's what people are like sometimes.
So it needs to be final but possibly time-limited, so you get your breathing space but he isn't tempted to pull any of those kinds of stunts.
Jun 17, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Family From Hell
Dan is right, they're not coming. And you're not invited to the wedding. Even if your brother is sympathetic he clearly doesn't have the balls to stand up and be counted when it actually matters.
Many congratulations - wishing you many years of happiness together. I hope you have a wonderful wedding surrounded by people who love and cherish you.
Jun 5, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Offering
"because even if it's on its way out, people need closure and to be sure that ending it is what they wanted. "
Unless they have already ended it umpteen times, in which case they may appreciate a bit of help to break things off permanently this time.
Nov 26, 2014
commented on Savage Love
@hunter78, I suggest you stop watching EastEnders and start watching Coronation Street, where people don't start drinking till 5pm, and then it's a pint of warm bitter and a plate of hot pot.
@OAU, this behaviour is exactly the kind of thing people get sued over and forced to take down.
@Lacking: if you don't think of yourself as an abuser, and the dynamic you have with someone else is twisting your normal behaviour so badly out of shape that you scream and hit them, it really is time to get out. There is no salvaging that dynamic - don't do what I did and stay with the guy for two years while things got worse and worse.
Mar 19, 2014
commented on Savage Love
portland scribe, fabulous response.
It's good that they have an amicable family relationship, but this woman should not be allowed license to bully any more vulnerable children.