TMI
- Dicks or Vaginas
- Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
- Vampire or Zombie
- Elliott Bay or Amazon
- I hate living in Seattle or I wish I lived in Seattle
Mar 27
krissf commented on Savage Love.
At uni a man of 30 asked me to help him lose his virginity. He wasn't interested in having a relationship with me, just thought the social burden (as he thought) of being a virgin at his age would be eased by having sex with someone he considered approachable enough to ask.
On the one hand, using a sex worker would have avoided insulting me: the fairly disrespectful inference that I as a sympathetic person with some sexual experience would kindly help him out even though I didn't find him attractive was in itself offputting. After all, what's one more penis when you've had a few, eh? (I should note he was both judgemental and jealous of people who had casual sex.)
And on the other hand, it wouldn't have solved the underlying problem which is that he didn't feel attractive or lovable and having sex with someone who didn't find him attractive or love him wouldn't have helped with that. He didn't see this at the time, though.
I said no, he later found a girlfriend who met his moral and religious criteria. I don't know what the answer to the problem is but is using a sex worker the only way forward?
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On the one hand, using a sex worker would have avoided insulting me: the fairly disrespectful inference that I as a sympathetic person with some sexual experience would kindly help him out even though I didn't find him attractive was in itself offputting. After all, what's one more penis when you've had a few, eh? (I should note he was both judgemental and jealous of people who had casual sex.)
And on the other hand, it wouldn't have solved the underlying problem which is that he didn't feel attractive or lovable and having sex with someone who didn't find him attractive or love him wouldn't have helped with that. He didn't see this at the time, though.
I said no, he later found a girlfriend who met his moral and religious criteria. I don't know what the answer to the problem is but is using a sex worker the only way forward?
Feb 20
krissf commented on Savage Love.
If you want to be still wearing a ring that looks good and is in one piece in 20 years, then you probably need to get one that costs more than $50.
Oct 10, 2012
krissf commented on Savage Love.
Lying about it = terrible idea.
What if he's happy? Excited to be a dad? Loves the idea of supporting you? And it turns out to all be a stupid head game because you don't trust he really means what he says - you might as well just dump him now because if it plays out like this you won't see him for dust.
I don't think I could be with someone who disagreed with abortion to that extent. If you ever did get pregnant accidentally that would really mess you both up even if it didn't end up in court. This is an issue where you need to have similar values. I've ended a relationship because the man I was with said if I got pregnant and didn't have an abortion he'd finish with me, for pretty similar reasons. It's hard to relax in bed with someone when all you have in mind is the grim consequences if it all goes wrong.
What if he's happy? Excited to be a dad? Loves the idea of supporting you? And it turns out to all be a stupid head game because you don't trust he really means what he says - you might as well just dump him now because if it plays out like this you won't see him for dust.
I don't think I could be with someone who disagreed with abortion to that extent. If you ever did get pregnant accidentally that would really mess you both up even if it didn't end up in court. This is an issue where you need to have similar values. I've ended a relationship because the man I was with said if I got pregnant and didn't have an abortion he'd finish with me, for pretty similar reasons. It's hard to relax in bed with someone when all you have in mind is the grim consequences if it all goes wrong.
Sep 13, 2012
krissf commented on Savage Love.
Our bodies, ourselves is a fantastic book suggestion and it's comprehensive enough about women's health to last her a very long time and satisfy her curiosity about lots of things besides sex. Definite yes to that one, and kudos to you for wanting to give your niece proper accurate information.
Mar 21, 2012
krissf commented on Savage Love.
Softcup sounds great (and a diaphragm works well too) but for those of us who bleed heavily or flood there's still a good chance of stained sheets and stained everything else. Best to get over the squeamishness.
Sep 29, 2011
krissf commented on Savage Love.
It took me five years to have an orgasm after I first started to become sexually active. Partly it was getting to know my body and being more relaxed, though that doesn't sound like the OP's issue. Just because it isn't happening now doesn't mean it never will.
Jun 30, 2011
krissf commented on Savage Love.
She might have a retroverted cervix, which is not a problem health-wise, but would make it (much) more painful to have sex in certain positions and more prone to bleeding. A simple vaginal check would be able to show this.
May 1, 2011
krissf commented on Savage Love.
If SFMi is really that worried there are over-the-counter fertility tests for men and women now. They're available in the UK from the chemists, and probably by mail order from the internet too. Cheaper (though a bit less thorough and accurate) than going to a fertility clinic to find out.
It is not impossible that SFMi or his partner has compromised fertility despite all these stats about withdrawal working - the younger you know, the more time you have to decide if and what you might want to do about it. Age is by far from being the only way that people lose their fertility.
Having said that I have friends who couldn't get pregnant together and they discovered after IUI worked first time that the reason was they were never both at home when she was ovulating. So you never know.
It is not impossible that SFMi or his partner has compromised fertility despite all these stats about withdrawal working - the younger you know, the more time you have to decide if and what you might want to do about it. Age is by far from being the only way that people lose their fertility.
Having said that I have friends who couldn't get pregnant together and they discovered after IUI worked first time that the reason was they were never both at home when she was ovulating. So you never know.
Sep 22, 2010
krissf commented on Savage Love.
To everyone who's suggesting Dan do things to include lots of other groups of people - you've had a great idea, so why don't you make it happen yourself? It doesn't all have to be down to one person. Every single one of us can make a difference. So don't wait for someone else to do it!
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Sounds like he is pushing the boundaries with her using emotional blackmail, and we never heard about a teenager doing that, huh.
Does this boy not have an imagination all of his own?