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Jun 15 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stressed Out.
To paraphrase: " I carry the stress from my job in my pelvic floor." I'm sorry, but that just sounds like a real leap of logic. I'm not insisting you are wrong about that, but you might want to look into the possibility of other medical conditions that cause pelvic pain.

I am also wondering about the other pain issues you mentioned. Pain play? Does your girl want to be on the receiving end of the pain, or the giving end? If she wants you to be the recipient, I can imagine where you'd be more than a little tense.
Apr 17 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@PART: "My wife does not trust my friend not to "take advantage" of our friendship."

Translation: your wife does not trust YOU not to take advantage of the situation, should the opportunity arise. This is kind of stupid, because the opportunity arises literally every time LW is away from the house, not just bike days. Infidelity hardly requires that it occur during known, scheduled coffee dates with the suspected paramour.

In any case, you need to understand that in your wife's estimation _you,_ not your paddling partner, are the problem. Meaning, this isn't going to go away once you dump your friend to placate your wife.
Apr 17 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@43: "remind her that she's always welcome to join the two of you on your outings.":

Might even be appropriate to tell her that in a little less delicate fashion. "Okay, fine, but if you insist that I drop my biking buddy, then you can damned well get your ass out of bed every Saturday morning and join me on the lake."
Apr 17 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@37: What you said -- "if I wanted to cheat, doing it in the dirt with a sweaty woman is probably the last place it would happen. "

What she heard -- "The two of us are actually at a nearby motel, with a nice bed and hot showers."
Apr 2 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Affairs We Don't Hear About.
@25: "So divorce and live together. "

What would doing that actually look like?

Presumably what the non-sexual partner wanted out of the marriage was to remain married while also remaining non-sexual. Instead that person finds (in this case him-)self expelled from the relationship while still under the same roof. And both would have to deal with the new relationships that the former spouse is bringing into their life. Not to mention into the house -- sure, that's going to seem really stable to the kids -- or else keeping carefully off-premises.

Meanwhile, you're still halving each person's assets such as bank account, 401K, automobile ownership/taxes/use privileges. Who pays the mortgage? Is one person now a renter while the other keeps the house?

"So divorce and live together" is an oversimplification. It would basically be retaining all the complications of being married while adding on all the complications of being divorced, while forfeiting a good deal of the freedoms that come with divorcing.

I'm never going to tell someone, "You are in the wrong for doing what works for you. You need to just divorce instead."
Mar 22 avast2006 commented on .
Friend might be right about Hubby's reaction, given the rest of his cartoonish Type-A-isms. And she may be right about subs liking that sort of thing as fitting into their submissiveness (though as far as that goes, "please may I service you?" can take any form from licking her body parts to doing her taxes).

But she's way off base regarding the rest of the male population, in terms of it being a submissive thing in its essence. Rather, it's a thing that people fit into their own worldview however they want. Including the two examples in paragraph one.
Mar 9 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Drunken Demand.
Drunky seems to have forgotten that a sexual experience involves two people, and _both_ of them have to think it's a good idea, or else it's less than consent.

Also, it's kinda important that both people enjoy the experience, not to mention and the aftermath, and it sure sounds like with her, both are going to be pretty miserable.
Mar 7 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Sexlessish Marriage Less Sexless During Affair.
@128: "Nowhere in her letter does she say she'd be unwilling to open the relationship for him, too. It doesn't read as if his having other partners has even occurred to her."

The default assumption is monogamy, or else it wouldn't be called cheating. In the absence of proactive measures to the contrary, the default monogamy rules are still in place for the non-cheating partner. If you are already having other partners yourself, but the possibility of your partner breaking the rules in the very same way you already are breaking them hadn't even occurred to you, then you are assuming they are operating under the default rules, which is to say, you are assuming monogamy for them, even while you choose the opposite for yourself. That isn't openness and willingness.

At best, you're an astoundingly self-centered excuse for a human being.
Mar 1 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
@78: "No, it is not a crime to organize sex toys for someone who gave you a key to their house. Nor is it a crime to leave a suggestive note for said person. It is not a crime to text that someone. And it's not a crime to make that someone feel funny inside and grossed out."

No, but all of the above are a stellar way to go out of business in a goddamned hurry, because all of the above, while arguably not illegal, make your customers loathe you. For good reason. It's slimy as hell.

Are you the contractor, or the friend?

Mar 1 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
Dan! Your response to KISSES was in the passive voice! Any writer worth his salt knows that passive voice is to be avoided even more than cliches.