Nov 27, 2013
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Painful Subject
He doesn't want safewords and he doesn't want to consider his partner's limits?
Fuck. This. Guy. If he wasn't dressing this up as a kink, it would be clear exactly what this is: it's domestic abuse. BDSM without consent is assault, same as sex without consent is rape. It's the consent that makes it, y'know, a genuine mutual activity. He's giving sadists a bad name by trying to hide his abuse behind what should be consensual pleasure.
DTMFA. He is an asshole of the highest order. Sure, you could try a monogamish solution where he goes and gets involved in the local scene, but I don't foresee that going well. What I foresee is people blacklisting him (at best) as his reputation gets around and he abuses more people.
Oct 1, 2013
commented on Poor Mothers and Their Children Are Among First to See Benefits Cut from Gov Shutdown
Additionally, I think it's really, really important for people to remember that it isn't just "nonessential federal employees" who are hurting from this. In particular, those ESSENTIAL employees who are paid from appropriations are still required to work and aren't getting any money for it. They should get paid when this is all over with, but how long can families go without any income at all?
I've got friends who have just found themselves in what nearly amounts to indentured servitude. Are you deemed essential while working for the VA, Social Security, etc? Yeah, keep coming to work, keep paying for gas, keep sliding into debt, but you ain't getting paid until the GOP stops holding you and the country hostage.
Aug 30, 2013
commented on In Which My Cosmetic Surgeon Explains the Hurdles Facing Chelsea Manning
Dr. Sherman Leis is no doubt a great doctor and his work is deeply appreciated by those who seek it.
However, surgery is not the end-all-be-all of the transgender experience. Many people will opt out of surgery entirely. My partner hasn't had any surgery and is still going to be able to have his gender legally changed. The focus on surgery as what makes someone "really a woman" or "really a man" is dehumanizing and it sets surgeons up as gatekeepers. When my mother first found out that my partner was FtM, she asked if he'd had surgery and then declared him "still a woman". That is NOT anyone else's business. Unless you're grinding up on somebody's junk or preparing to grind up on their junk, you don't need to know the state of said junk.
But people treating surgery as the defining factor in a trans* person's life makes people think it's an appropriate topic. That a trans woman can be sent to prison for being a whistleblower and what we really need to talk about is her genitalia.
Aug 28, 2013
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Open Your Mouth
When someone who is Like You does Something Bad, they are an Asshole.
When someone Not Like You does Something Bad, that's just How Those People Are.
It's easy to lump a few bad experiences with people who are different under the umbrella of HTPA, but because we know (in all our egotistical, self-protective glory) that we aren't like that we don't tend to make those sorts of generalizations about people like us. So Dan could have had dozens of super shitty, awful gay boyfriends in his life and shrug it off, but one bi guy stays in his mind forever.
It's just a stupid thought process that allows us to (lazily) absolve ourselves of our own potentially shitty behavior. Wave your hands and declare that this is somethingbi men do and you don't have to examine the ways you've hurt past partners. Chances are good the majority of sexually active people in the world have, at one time or another, hurt somebody who liked them a little too much. Accept that potentiality, learn from it and try to avoid it in the future.
Jul 31, 2013
commented on I, Anonymous
A woman I know--who identifies as a lesbian--had sex with a married man regularly for six months while trying to get pregnant. Then once she was knocked up, her partner started doing the same guy so their kids would be genetic siblings.
It is the grossest, stupidest story ever, but I swear to God this is just how she tells the story. She's split with her partner, so I can't get the partner's side of the story, but I don't know why a woman would make a story like that up about herself.
So I think this letter is fake, and yet I can't discount how abso-fucking-lutely stupid and weird people can be.
Jul 19, 2013
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Second Chance
Just because people often forget this when it comes to vaginas: There are a lot of muscles involved down there. Just as having pain associated with an anal intercourse experience can make it hard for a person to voluntarily relax the muscles involved and enjoy it subsequently, the same can happen with vaginas.
Assuming nothing is physically wrong (and I'm with the people suggesting seeing a doctor if the bleeding is still going on), keep in mind that your vagina is
a muscular organ and those muscles may
tense involuntarily because of the previous unpleasant experience. Extreme cases are part of a condition called vaginismus
, but lots of women will have, at one time or another, "nope, fuck this, ain't happening" experiences where their vagina just isn't in the mood to be penetrated.
So follow Dan's advice. Build back up to penetration slowly. Try to associate pleasure with penetration prior to trying intercourse, like with fingers, your new guy's tongue, small toys, etc. Don't push yourself, because you want to avoid any further pain.
Jul 10, 2013
commented on The Dumbest Thing Someone Has Said About George W. Bush This Week
I'm all for blaming Gee Dub for stuff, but he did not "allow an entire American city to be wiped out." The infrastructure problems that led to the NOLA levees failing during Katrina predated him. The idiocy of putting a city in coastal swamp in a place with frequent hurricanes really predated him. The Mississippi towns that actually were wiped out (and everybody always forgets/doesn't care about the losses Mississippi took) were largely the victims of hubris, because the assumption was that by being above sea level they didn't need levees at all.
All of these decisions were made at the local--not federal--level. GWB fucked up a lot of shit. He could have acted faster. He could have done better with the rescue and aid afterwards. He did not have anything to do with the events that caused the damage itself.
And last time I checked, New Orleans still exists.
Jun 8, 2013
commented on Australian PSA
Re: Bans on selective abortions.
Would you force a woman to to have a person inside of her body if her reasons for saying no to them were based on homophobia, racism or sexism? Would you force someone to donate a kidney to someone if their reasons for saying no to the donation were based on bigotry?
Because when you talk about banning sex/sexuality selective abortions, that's basically what you're saying. You want to deny women the autonomy of their own bodies for the sake of someone else--and in this case, someone who is not even an independent person yet.
Unless you're pro-raping bigoted women and pro-stealing-bigots'-kidneys, I don't see how a pro-choice person could support sex/sexuality selective abortion bans. These selective abortion bans are just a way for the forced birth movement to get people to agree with them so they can drive a wedge in and make it harder to get abortion access. "There's a chance this woman might want an abortion for [banned reason], therefore we will not allow her to have one."
You're not saving anyone. You're just forcing a life-threatening situation (all childbirth is life-threatening) on an unwilling woman.