commented on SL Letter of the Day: Queer Goggles
"stop cock-in-frock-blocking your friend" - yes, basically.
If you are going to talk to your friend about anything in conjunction with his interest in drag queens, cross-dressers, trans women - any or all of the above - do as @14 suggests and be sure your friend is treating his new friends well.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sail Away
SublimeAfterglow FTW. I just love how this is a totally normal phenomenon that happens everytime my vag decides to dry up as I concentrate on giving a blowjob, and yet, people here bend over backwards to say it must be LW's own personal fault. In that case I guess I must be running into a string of bossy men with horrifying mutant erections?
Here's another thing to keep in mind - as my neurologist fuck buddy used to say, arousal is nonspecific. There are actually studies in which men rated a woman as more attractive when they were both standing on an unsteady rope bridge. The study concluded that the men were noticing their bodies' alertness through nervousness (increased heart rate, faster breathing, more blood flow) and thinking "Yeah, I must be really attracted to this woman!" Now think about that in reverse - as a guy eats LW's pussy, his body shows many of these unspecific signs of arousal. If he notices his increased heart rate etc and starts to think, "Wow, I must be really nervous about having sex with this woman"...well, this is one reason why it's so easy for human beings to psych ourselves out during sex.
Anyway, we've discussed this here before, but the key is to normalize the reality of having sex with men who have penises. The cock doesn't always perform perfectly, especially if you've been drinking, are tired, are nervous, are pushing 40, etcetera. So calm down, sex-with-cis-dudes-havers!
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Photo Play
DTMFA. This is the typical type of man who acts more vanilla than vanilla beans because he's unwilling to process, accept and share his kinks, and sooner or later turns out to be indulging them elsewhere. It's not just the breach of faith that makes his behavior so hurtful - it's also the fact that this shows he is uninterested in an honest, intimate conversation with the LW.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The End of the Affair(s)
LW, listen to science girl. You've wasted too many years of your life catering to someone with whom you have no future - at least, not the kind of future you want. Cut contact with her, and then PLEASE date around and relearn how to be in a non-secret, non-controlling relationship before you father any kids. Things can be so much better than with either of your current partners. Best of luck to you.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Secret to Success
@15 / rattleshakes / LW: it sounds like you already did a lot to reassure him! Here's the thing, as many have already noted on the thread, middle aged cismen and those of us who fuck them ALL have to retrain ourselves not to think that a rock hard cock is the be-all and end-all of sex ("it's not about you" is SUCH wise advice for everyone). It sounds like you've done that work and he's still in the process - his "hands are a poor substitute" talk shows that the 2 of you are speaking different languages here. You've got to decide if it's worth it to you to keep trying or not. Maybe he'll get over his feelings of inadequacy, maybe he'll spend the latter half of his life mourning the unassisted, unaugmented D. If he wants to have good sex he'll have to get over it and learn to cope (with hands, tongue, toys and/or medications). In any case, try to separate your evaluations of his behavior from your evaluations of his cock's behavior, even if he can't yet do the same. Best of luck to you, and to him.
commented on Young MIT Economist Argues that NIMBYism and not Financial Assets Is the Source of Inequality
lark, you are very very close to a key point in mentioning Levittown. Post WWII, the single family housing mortgage market was both easy to buy into due to massive government subsidies, and subject to strict exclusionary regulations on the basis of race. You could just as easily note that the latter quarter of the 19th century was a great time to become a landowner - thanks to the Homestead Act, a massive unprecedented federal wealth redistribution program based on giving away stolen land, again, practically only to whites.
THAT'S what we have to understand when it comes to wealth and property in the US, first and foremost. Understanding the exploitative subprime mortgage market and upon whom it first preyed, flows from there. Etc.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: He Wants What She Can't Stand
Both astrology and nebulous references to his family are in fact terrible explanations for the ex's interest in threesomes. Why not "This is something I like and want"? Doesn't he have the conviction to stand up for his desires? Don't date him. Work on your jealousy issues. And lay off the star charts.