Aug 12, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Will the Cheating Cheater I Cheated With Ever Stop Cheating On Me?
@22 has got it right. The Duke wanted to be respectably married and cat around. LW's husband shits where he eats, has his side chick hold his baby, and is probably shopping for wife #3.
Don't have that second baby, LW. If you're going to Devonshire it, do it 21st century style - keep your career up, use his money to send the kid to daycare and go back to school in something bankable, or maintain your career well. You could be a single mom soon.
Jul 29, 2015
commented on Accusing the HALA Committee of “Playing the Race Card” Is an Attempt to Derail an Important Conversation
Some of the comments have a good point within, that just because single family areas were shaped by segregationist impulses, does not mean that in 2015 upzoning is somehow automatically antiracist policy. Unless there is a concerted effort to get minoritized groups into upzoned areas (and not by handing out shitty subprime mortgages, aka reverse redlining), de facto segregation will not be eased by upzoning. If HALA understands structural racism and housing discrimination, that should be a huge concern for them.
However: this document is not calling anyone in 2015 racist. It's stating facts about 20th century planning and development that are, in broad strokes, uncontested (though people do really need to stop saying "racial zoning" when they mean redlining). Ask any legit historian. Ask any planner worth their salt. Google "redlining map" for the city you grew up in, and see how your town was shaped by racism and exclusion. Look up school districts. Look up the planning rationale for iconic suburbs like Levittown.
Now is that redlining map's existence a sign that you're racist? No. But it's a sign that your housing choices and opportunities were made within a racist polity. Facts. Take it in. No one is calling homeowners racists.
Jun 24, 2015
commented on Religious Right Demands that the Pride Flag Be Taken Down
Cargo cult politics.
So the other day I was speaking with an acquaintance about the Stars & Bars, and showed him some of the founding Confederate documents and the Cornerstone Speech, demonstrating the primacy of slavery to the Confederate cause. He became agitated, was uncomfortable, I told him please do more research on this and educate yourself. Offered suggestions.
Lo and behold the next day he had sent me a web page collecting quotes from primary sources saying, "It's about tariffs!" Like random British diplomats dealing with the South during the CW, a few editorials, and such, mentioning tariffs. For him this was equal evidence to what I had showed him. In his words "both sides have a point."
Again, cargo cult politics. Zero context. Zero understanding. Just going through the motions. "You've got quotes? Well I've got quotes! You're mad about a flag? I'm mad about a flag! CHECKMATE LIBRULZ!!!"
Jun 23, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Do Cheaters Always Cheat?
@9 already said what I was going to say, this relationship began with her lying to LW. I feel that's a bad sign unless the two of them already discussed that thoroughly. If LW just passively accepted the lie, she may have just shown her girlfriend that she'll put up with being lied to.
All of that is more concerning than some "cheaters always cheat" adage.
Jun 21, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Ex Texting and Cord Cutting
This is a perfect example of the nice vs. kind divide. It's nice to text someone hourly if they are stuck at home on NYE. But it's kind to give your ex distance when you've dumped her, or at least to respect her space when she starts getting over you and pulling away for real.
LW, why not just be single for a bit? Cut ALL the cords, learn what life is like in a quiet apartment without a constantly beeping phone, concentrate on friendships, hobbies, travel, volunteering. Get to know yourself again.
Jun 18, 2015
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: His Ex-Girlfriend's Texts
Okay. He's moving fast to meet your family and discuss living arrangements yet INFORMS YOU that he told his ex you might be something special?
I tend to agree with @54. I don't want to make this about his intent because I'm not a mind reader, but consider: He told you repeatedly about his "friendship" with his ex and that it includes her flirting with him. (But it's one-sided, he is just being nice of course.) He informed you that he would be sleeping with her if not for you. He told you about this stuff until you blew up at him over it. He probably was like, "Jeez! Calm down!" Then he texted her that your relationship has "ups and downs" and then he told you about that.
If I were you, I'd be on a rollercoaster of emotions! And I bet the ex is too! After all, he keeps dribbling and drabbling out information about each of y'all to the other. For her it's "we have our ups and downs", for you it's "I told her we have our ups and downs." For all we know, for her it's "she's better in bed than you" while for you it's "if it weren't for you I'd still be fucking her." No wonder the ex is confused. No wonder you are confused.
Beware of a man when every woman around him seems crazy.