Jun 1, 2015 Phil H commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: Ramping Back Up.
To NCAT, third letter: I don't know if this would work for you, but I think this kind of thing would help to settle me down.
Tell him that you would really like him to show you what's on the laptop now, but promise that when you see it, you will say nothing, and you will not make anything of it for, say, 24/48 hours. And then follow up, as much as you can. Keep a poker face while looking, and put it out of your mind for a day. For me - and perhaps for other men with secrets that they think are embarrassing - it's the dread of immediate reaction that plays on my mind. If you can ease him through that moment of revelation, he might find it easier to settle down and get used to you knowing his secret.
And, of course, remember that the fact that he looks at porn about X doesn't mean he wants to do X - or even play-act X - in the bedroom with you.
Mar 25, 2015 Phil H commented on Savage Love.
"but only he knows for sure what's up with him." If only. If people really knew what was up with themselves, Dan would be out of a job.
Mar 10, 2015 Phil H commented on I Was the MFA Student Who Made Ryan Boudinot Cry.
This paragraph rules:
"Why does the value of your arts education depend on excluding others? Why can't everyone be invited to the party? Don't we want as many people as possible reading literature and learning to communicate well? Doesn't capitalism and a free-market economy mean people can "waste" their money on an education if they want and educators can profit by selling a service that's in demand? Does the existence of someone else who's not as good a writer as you are in your MFA program devalue your degree or threaten your identity? Won't the real world sort out which people have the talent, commitment, and discipline to produce quality work?"
Yes. Infinitely better that people spend their money on education than on sports cars or watches or other junk.
Nov 18, 2014 Phil H commented on SL Letter of the Day: Advice Privileges Suspended.
I think WALD's partner is right on this. This penis enlargement thing is surgery, and it can't be a good idea to get surgery unless you're absolutely certain. And WALD is just a mass of contradictions:
"At first I was extremely put off...Soon I wanted it to be my reality."
"I started to think of ways that I could contribute to me and my partner's sex life....I don't want to upset him but this is important to me. This is what I want."
"I am ready to do this...if I can't have my partner's support, Dan, then I can't go through with it"
"This makes it impossible for me to enjoy intercourse or oral sex... the complications I would face doing normal tasks actually excite me."

How does the logic even work? I can't enjoy sex, therefore I want to make myself a medical timebomb?

A big dick complex is one thing - like all body issues, it's a bit unhealthy, but everyone has their oddities. But you can't link it in to all the other stuff in your life, and suddenly and arbitrarily decide that life is terrible simply because one kink is being frustrated.

I think WALD's partner can see the end of this relationship coming, and when WALD said he wanted to get surgery *for his partner*, it freaked him out even more.
Oct 2, 2014 Phil H commented on SL Letter of the Day: Taking It Easy.
Nothing wrong with thank you notes. It can be as interesting to see how other people get it right as how they get it wrong.
Sep 10, 2014 Phil H commented on Savage Love.
Uncut - frequency might help. I am premature much more often when I haven't had enough sex lately. (Masturbation doesn't work as well.) You could a girlfriend to work with you on sex every day for a while, and see if that makes any difference.
Sep 2, 2014 Phil H commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hate the Game.
@22, 25: Oops, I did misread, you're right. Yeah, in that context, it seems like this teenager did do something wrong, propositioning a younger, more delicate girl.

I agree with 23, though. If the young, protected girl had been joke propositioned by a boy, does anyone think we would be talking about it? This bisexual teenager did something which (I now see!) was wrong, but the reaction is completely unjustified.
Sep 2, 2014 Phil H commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hate the Game.
Wow, everyone pile on the teenager, why don't you? I don't "get" this game, either, but then I don't "get" most things that people do in this world, so who cares? I completely fail to see what's so wrong about it. She used the word sex? She used the word sex and laughed about it? So what?

The letter says this was a game played among friends, so who cares who dumb it was? It also says that she didn't spring it on this younger girl. She didn't proposition the younger girl. She told the younger girl *about* the game. How could that possibly have been traumatising?

Whether or not there is a spurious case to be made up is another question. But nothing bad was done here by this bi teenager.
Jul 15, 2014 Phil H commented on Savage Love.
NTKS: "Period" is not a scary word for grown up men. We can hear the word without blushing, and we know that many women do not like intercourse during their period. I find euphemisms far more of a turn off!
Jul 10, 2014 Phil H commented on "If We’re Serious About Reducing the Number of Guns in Our World, Then We Also Have to Reduce the Number of Guns in Our Movies.".
I think Paul ducks the issue a bit here. It's not about banning guns, it's about shilling for gun movies. "Comprehensive coverage" doesn't cut it - loads of movies get just a brief couple of lines from The Stranger. Much better movies than Tom Cruise gunfests. In many ways, this criticism shouldn't be directed at The Stranger, because you guys already do much better in terms of writing about interesting indie movies than most media. So why make the criticism here? Because there's just a chance you'll listen.
What I'd like to see is more of the big gun flicks dismissed with the one or two lines they deserve. And more of the great reviewing you already do of other movies, movies with heart and soul. It's not so much the fact of guns in films that is depressing. It's the default assumption that guns are a reasonable element to put in: if you haven't got any real inspiration for your movie, you can use violence as a substitute. I'd like to see that called and exposed. You don't have to review studio megabudget pap any more than you have to review Nashville's output.
Random recent example - I can't remember what you guys said about the latest Transformers, but that whole "it's an art movie" trope that got aired in some places was severe bullshit. The movie was shit (I torrented it and dipped in and out). I don't mind the existence of shit. I do mind when critics I otherwise respect invent tortured excuses to talk about shit, just because it's big-selling shit.