May 18 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Young Lovers Lie, Cheat, and Wonder Why Their Relationship Sucks.
@13 - I've gotta disagree - not with your actual advice, which is good, but that being told "this is life" is not helpful.

What I have found most useful, when going through bad times in my life, is not sympathy and understanding and gentleness, but a reminder that we all go through this, this is how it works. That mistakes and pain and confusion are part of the process, and there is nothing very special about me or my pain, that all of us go through some version of this, and come out the other side knowing more, and being able to take better care of ourselves.
May 2 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
Gotta say, it's interesting to me to see this from the other side than I'm usually talking about.

Personally, I had average sized breasts when I was a young woman (now I'm old and fat, with big saggy fat-old-lady boobs) but I come from a family of busty women, and married into such a family, too. Most of the boob conversations I've had in my life centre on how uncomfortable it is to have big boobs, how hard to find good bras, how hard to do vigorous exercise, and whether a reduction is a good idea. A little bit of "I'm so sexy" and a whole lot of backache and sore shoulders.
May 2 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What's Wrong with Wanting Bigger Boobs?.
One thing I hope she explores while making her decision is whether she is looking for this change to "fix" her.

This is something that happens sometimes to people who have lost a lot of weight - for so long, they've been blaming everything they dislike about their lives on their weight. It's why they haven't got true love, a better job, etc etc. Then they lose the weight, and discover that they're still the person they were before, just skinnier.

I didn't really see this in the letter, but I'd think it would be something worth thinking about, or talking through with a friend or therapist. It's OK to want big boobs, and to get them if you want them, but unrealistic to think they will actually change anything fundamental about you.
May 2 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Two Girls, One Dilemma.
@ 13 "Local", in this context, means "my local place that I hang out, usually one that serves adult beverages". It's a term in pretty wide use. If you say you are going down to the local for a couple, most people would not assume you are going to the nearby union hall to get some married people.
Apr 17 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Caught Between Her Man and His Hot Friend.
I'm with @6 here - keep B out of the discussion unless boyfriend brings him up. If he's within bounds, once they have established bounds, he can be brought up later.

And @7, you are acknowledging that boyfriends feelings about B are irrational, and ones that he has felt the need to repress for his psychic health. You seem to see these as reasons that LW should bring the subject up - to me they seem to be reasons that she should tread very carefully indeed. This might be something that he could discuss with his therapist, but discussing it with the girlfriend that he feels a bit insecure about, does not seem to be to be a good idea at all, at least not while she also has unresolved, and complex, feelings. "Oh, here's a powder keg that could explode, harming us all - I think I'll just wave a lighted match around. What could go wrong, after all?"
Apr 12 agony commented on Savage Love.
Ah, # 14, I bet you say that to all the comment sections. C'mon, we know that in fact it is very typical of you.
Apr 11 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Safe Play During Moresomes with Strangers.
When the situation is manipulated to look like your choice is to be the buzzkill or to just pretend that you actually are OK with what's happening, it's not even a little surprising that some young women, especially, choose to just let it go. We're taught to, in a million ways.

And guys like this were either taught, or learned on their own, to take advantage of it. They don't care that when the night is over, nobody will want to have anything more to do with them, because they have no plans to actually have friendships or relationships with any of their, well, of their victims.

Something I learned very young was to always have fuck-you money so I wasn't depending on a ride home from an asshole, and to always pay my own way. It makes it a lot easier to say no.
Apr 5 agony commented on Savage Love.
I should probably add that I'm not really as down on those corners of the internet as the above might sound.

Our culture is figuring out new rules for sexual encounters - note how rapey almost every romantic scene in a classic movie looks to modern eyes - and part of working out where the line is, is going over the line.
Apr 5 agony commented on Savage Love.
I suspect DKML has been spending too much time on parts of the internet where ideas which are very good things, such as consent, can be taken to ridiculous extremes. Where the answer to "I did not feel 100% comfortable in every aspect and for every instant of a sexual encounter" is not "talk it over, figure out if changes need to be made in future, and move on" but "overanalyze to the nth degree, and it would be great if somehow you could be the victim".

There are places on the net that would call what happened here rape, and I think maybe she's been spending some time in those places, and is starting to doubt her own judgement.
Mar 19 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You Heard It Here First, Cousin.
Frankly I'm more squicked out by his characterizing what happens when her libido shuts down as "teasing" than by the cousin thing.

She doesn't owe him sex, so if she wants to continue a physically affectionate relationship while not having sex, that's not teasing, that's just what she wants. He's free to not like that and walk away, but she's not doing anything wrong.

Since some men are quick to accuse women of teasing for any action on their part that arouses him but doesn't get him laid (such as, oh, being attractive and in the same room) that word is almost always, if not a red flag, a sorta pinkish one.