May 3
agony commented on Mother of the Year.
I think it's important to remember that the NRA is not a grassroots operation, led by its members, but a trade organization, led by gun manufacturers. Don't think of the majority of NRA members as being the ones resisting all sane reform, but as being dupes of those who resist.
May 2
agony commented on Who Is Most Likely to Think an "Armed Rebellion" Against the Government Might Soon Be Necessary?.
All I can think of looking at this is what a fucking insult it is to those who actually do live under oppressive regimes. "Oh, oh, I might have to show ID before I buy a gun, I am so oppressed...." Sounds like a bunch of teenagers whining about how much they hate their parents.
Apr 29
agony commented on SL Letter of the Day: Mixed Signals.
48 & 49
Seems to me that both can be true - that what they had was good for what it was, and there is no need to denigrate it and see it as all bad AND that he's not what she needs in her life as an actual lover and partner. She can love what they had and may have now and then in the future, while never deluding herself for one second that they're ever going to get married and have babies together.
It's something like loving an alcoholic or addict. You can understand that it's not workable, and that you need to protect yourself from the person. You can also love that person, and get quite a lot from the very limited relationship that it is safe to have. The two are not mutually exclusive, as long as you don't give in to the temptation to pretend that it's something it's not.
I think the LW is in some denial about how fucked up this guy really is, and that's not good. But if she can see him clearly, she may be able to have great sex and bittersweet romance every five years or so until she gets tired of it all. It can't be the only love she has in her life, but as an occasional bonus, it's not bad.
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Seems to me that both can be true - that what they had was good for what it was, and there is no need to denigrate it and see it as all bad AND that he's not what she needs in her life as an actual lover and partner. She can love what they had and may have now and then in the future, while never deluding herself for one second that they're ever going to get married and have babies together.
It's something like loving an alcoholic or addict. You can understand that it's not workable, and that you need to protect yourself from the person. You can also love that person, and get quite a lot from the very limited relationship that it is safe to have. The two are not mutually exclusive, as long as you don't give in to the temptation to pretend that it's something it's not.
I think the LW is in some denial about how fucked up this guy really is, and that's not good. But if she can see him clearly, she may be able to have great sex and bittersweet romance every five years or so until she gets tired of it all. It can't be the only love she has in her life, but as an occasional bonus, it's not bad.
Apr 27
agony commented on SL Letter of the Day: Goodie Bag.
I'm a mom, and yeah, the first time you find porn in a kid's room, it's a shock, especially if it's not the kind of porn you'd expect. I can certainly see mom being a little disturbed and uncomfortable about this.
What I can't see is mom then talking to daughter about it. The pot, maybe, depends on the laws where they are, whether mom smokes herself, blah blah. But the porn and toys? I'd just pretend I hadn't noticed.
What I can't see is mom then talking to daughter about it. The pot, maybe, depends on the laws where they are, whether mom smokes herself, blah blah. But the porn and toys? I'd just pretend I hadn't noticed.
Apr 23
agony commented on Advice Cop: Wanting to Fuck 19-20 Year Old Guys ≠ Wanting to Fuck Nine Year Old Boys.
Even if the creepy vibe were correct, and mom was right in thinking that this guy does not have her sons' best interests at heart, flipping out over it is not the way to go. "I get a creepy feeling from that old man - keep your heads up, guys, OK?" I have young adult kids of my own, and they'd laugh at me a bit if I said something like that, but they'd also be a little wary, and, really, once your kids are adults, that's about all you can ask for.
Apr 23
agony commented on Advice Cop: Wanting to Fuck 19-20 Year Old Guys ≠ Wanting to Fuck Nine Year Old Boys.
Amy is known for giving very bad advice, but her "call the cops" in this case is her worst yet.
Apr 17
agony commented on SL Letter of the Day: Stepdad Seeking.
@22, that's right, it isn't. Her mother is an adult who has the right to manage her own risks. You might say that her mother doesn't know what those risks are, but I maintain that that mom knows who she's married to, and, while living in the same house with him, knows better what type of thing he is likely to be up to - considerably more than the letterwriter does. Again, it's stunning arrogance to believe that you know more about someone else's marriage than the couple themselves do.
If the letterwriter had actual knowledge that he was carrying a harmful infection, and actual knowledge that her mother knew nothing about it, then I think a case could be made for interference. That is very far indeed from the case here.
If the letterwriter had actual knowledge that he was carrying a harmful infection, and actual knowledge that her mother knew nothing about it, then I think a case could be made for interference. That is very far indeed from the case here.
Apr 17
agony commented on SL Letter of the Day: Stepdad Seeking.
If he's leaving evidence of this around, then mom has seen it too, and is dealing with it in whatever way seems best to her. Trying to manage other people's relationships is a stunningly arrogant move. You do not know what is best for another person, because you do not have all the facts, ever.
I'm just trying to imagine that conversation - "So, mom, are you and stepdad monogamous?" It's none of her business.
I'm just trying to imagine that conversation - "So, mom, are you and stepdad monogamous?" It's none of her business.
Apr 17
agony commented on Savage Love.
@5, I don't see where you get misogyny from Stephen King's writing. As others have noted, he has a lot of strong, and powerful female characters who are presented positively.
I do think, however, that he doesn't really know all that much about how modern women live. A quite high percentage of his female characters are stay at home "homemakers", especially in the earlier books, and not all that good at it. People in his books eat an enormous amount of canned stew and packaged cookies, considering there's a SAHM - what on earth do Wendy Torrance, Rachel Creed, and Donna Trenton do all day?
I do think, however, that he doesn't really know all that much about how modern women live. A quite high percentage of his female characters are stay at home "homemakers", especially in the earlier books, and not all that good at it. People in his books eat an enormous amount of canned stew and packaged cookies, considering there's a SAHM - what on earth do Wendy Torrance, Rachel Creed, and Donna Trenton do all day?
Apr 17
agony commented on Savage Love Episode 338.
@32 I don't disagree with that - rape victims are not sluts.
However, to my mind, slut shaming is at the bottom of disrespect for rape victims. As long as we regard female sexuality as shameful, that shame is going to spill over and hurt everyone. When those who make a conscious decision to be sexually promiscuous refuse to accept shame, it will be more clear where the shame properly belongs - with those who make a conscious decision to harm another person.
However, to my mind, slut shaming is at the bottom of disrespect for rape victims. As long as we regard female sexuality as shameful, that shame is going to spill over and hurt everyone. When those who make a conscious decision to be sexually promiscuous refuse to accept shame, it will be more clear where the shame properly belongs - with those who make a conscious decision to harm another person.
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