Jul 12 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stray Text Message Outs Wrong Parent.
@4 Heh. A while ago I was making a joke while on the phone to my grown son, and said something that could have been taken to mean that I was proposing he have sex with me - which was NOT the meaning I had intended. The silence on the other end of the phone, followed by his very careful "Excuse me?" is something I'll never forget.
Jul 7 agony commented on Baker Refuses to Make a Cake for a Same-Sex Couple.
Around here, there are a lot of semi-professional cake bakers who operate out of their own kitchens (not sure how that squares with health regulations....) They're bakers, I suppose, but they don't actually have bakeries, if by bakery you mean an actual shop with actual ovens behind, and glass cases, and middle aged women with strong accents and mustaches to wait on you..... All the girls who were really good at crafts in Girl Guides, who are now home with kids and want to make a few extra bucks now and then, seem to be doing this.
Jun 18 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Weeded Out.
Al anon.

It doesn't really matter if his weed use is a problem or not, because it is a problem for her. So she needs some help in finding clarity. Is it good for her to let go of this? Is there actually a problem that she isn't letting herself see about his weed use (or about his lying?)? Is the problem her behaviour, or his, or something in between? She needs to take the focus off of what he's doing, and put it on what she is doing - that will force a shift in the dynamic that will tell her a lot of things she really needs to know.
Jun 16 agony commented on Savage Love.
As an old fat woman who has had a couple of kids, I gotta say my response to someone who feels safe when wearing diapers is that this is not about sex, but about incontinence.

And that would account for his reticence, his reluctance to have her be part of this. He dribbles, he's uncomfortable about it, and sometimes he would like to feel that there is no chance of there being any evidence.
Jun 13 agony commented on Invitation Declined.
@ 38 Heh. I think that might be a situation for "I don't know, honey. So, who wants ice cream!?"
Jun 13 agony commented on Invitation Declined.
@ 31 - I'm an early childhood educator and parent.

What I find interesting about this discussion is that questions about sexual diversity are somehow seen as different than other awkward questions that children ask. We don't have people moaning about "what can I say to the children!" when the question they ask is "Why is that lady fat?" or "Why is that man so ugly?" or "How come that person has brown skin?"

The way we deal with those is to tell the child that it is rude to point and stare and question in front of people, and then answer the question as truthfully as we can, later. When we don't really know, we say "I don't really know" and either direct the child to a resource for more information, or help them accept that they don't have to understand everything.

So. What to tell this child? Tell her that it is rude to stare and question in public, and then in private tell the child the truth. If you don't know what the truth is, say so, and maybe get out of the business of instructing children, since it's, well, it's not that fucking hard. "That person dresses that way because that person likes to dress that way". "Those men are kissing because they love each other". "Not everybody acts the same way or likes the same things, and that's OK".

Really, not that hard.
May 25 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Help Me Out, Sloggers.
Get a part time weekend job working in a fun restaurant that has a lot of young staff. You'll make a few bucks and you'll meet people who like to party. Turnover is high, so if you don't click with anyone in your first week, stick around a couple of weeks to see who else gets hired.

I didn't go to college, either, but that kind of job is great for making work friends.
May 18 agony commented on Elle Magazine: Science Says Run From Any Guy Who Is Friends With His Ex!.
Me, I don't have so many people I really like that I can afford to just throw one away because we are no longer bonking.
May 9 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Missing Person Report.
If nothing much wrong is going on, there aren't really consequences.

My nephew's girlfriend is quite short and slight, and has short hair in a boyish cut. He had just bought a house in a settled neighbourhood, and one day got a knock on the door - the cops had been called because the neighbours had seen him canoodling, through the picture window (hadn't bought curtains yet) with what looked to them like a 12 year old boy. When they met the 30 year old woman, they apologized and went away.

Now, my nephew is a teacher, so an actual accusation of this sort would be a serious thing for him. But a request to the police to take a look is not the same as an accusation. No lives were ruined, though his girlfriend started seriously reconsidering her hairstyle....
May 8 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Bonus Advice for WWWM & VIRGN.
I have found, when sitting around after a few bottles of wine and the "losing your virginity" stories come out - it doesn't happen often, but it does happen - that "lost it to my true love" is very low down in the count. There seems to be a roughly even split between "lost it to someone I thought was true love, turned out to be asshole" and "decided to get it over with so found someone willing".

Further, there does not appear to be any correlation between how a person lost virginity, and how well that person's later romantic life worked out.