Mar 8 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Of Cake and Cocks.
@11, @14 - nah, he went STRAIGHT for the m4m. And that was after getting casual sex with women but not enjoying the interpersonal dynamics of it. He has an active preference for the m4m. And there is no attempt mentioned to find cock-wielding women (or nonbinary people) who are up for getting sucked off or banging him. He wants the dudes and that's all he wants (for casual, anyway).
Mar 7 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Of Cake and Cocks.
A guy liking a trans woman's dick is straight, same as a guy liking being pegged by a woman is straight. A guy getting fucked by a woman is straight. A guy seeking out guys on m4m...not so much.
Feb 27 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
@42 - I've never known anyone who's reported a rape or sexual assault and not regretted it deeply.
Feb 27 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
Rape culture is that it's so hard to come forward about rape, so much harder than that to get a case to trial, and so much harder even than that to get a prosecution, that rape is de facto legal. If you can get away with something upwards of 95% of the time it might as well be legal. The criminal justice system does not treat rape as a crime in any meaningful sense, and indeed, I'd argue that it's not equipped to do so. That minor change in perspective a few decades ago from viewing rape as a property offence against someone's husband or father to seeing rape as a traumatic violation of consent has never been fully processed by our police or judicial system. Nothing that occurs in that system is at all useful to anyone who's been sexually harassed, assaulted or raped, and nor is it intended to be.
Feb 26 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
Oh look, the old "But the poor creeper will get fired because of your prudishness!" move. I regret to say I fell for it last June, the most recent time I was sexually harassed by someone in their workplace. Double regret because that someone was a TSA agent, but god damn I needed to get the hell away and onto my flight. Men's income > women's safety, every time.
Jan 28 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Debt and the Maiden.
@27 - I don't think you have to be a 'big spender' to rack up $170k in grad school debt, certainly not in trap fields like law or liberal arts. You just have to lack insight when it comes to money. All grad schools lie about how much money their grads make and how hot their market niche is, and if you apply to grad school while you're still in college (and the timeline would make sense here), it's easy to get high off their bullshit and glitter. You either believe that the trap degree will magically give you a well-paying job, or (and I've seen this many times), you have too little future insight to understand what the debt will do to your life, and you tell yourself you NEED the grad school to feel fulfilled. (see every MFA, film school, humanities PhD with $100k+ in debt).

I guess that, like differing sex drives, differing levels of financial insight are one of those things that cause tension but which many couples successfully manage. Unfortunately it seems to work best if the insightful person takes on the entire burden of planning and legwork, and it appears that's what was happening here previously. I bet LW is simmering with resentment about having to be the vigilant one and the bad cop for all this time - not just to her but to himself as well. And I don't blame him, I hate feeling that way too.
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Jan 28 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Debt and the Maiden.
Erica @23 - I assumed the opposite. If she was from money, her family would never have let her overpay for a dead-end school.
Jan 28 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Debt and the Maiden.
I wonder if she was just deeply in denial about her debt, and not so much lazy as overwhelmed.

I feel awful for both of them - for the LW, for having this nasty shock to their plans, and the fiancée, because an educational debt must be a horrible reason to get dumped, or to live under the threat of dumping. You go to some school you were told would land you a good salary (it was law school, wasn't it?), you find out there is no good salary waiting for you and you're stuck as being the secondary earner, and then someone tells you they can't be with you any more due to your debt. What do you do, at that point?
Nov 10, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Self-Fulfilling Assholery.
Wow, sounds a lot like my BIL's ex-wife. Did I mention 'ex'. Did I mention 'wife'. It's much, much easier to step away from the brink now than to have to deal with divorce and custody a few years down the line.

(I seriously couldn't scratch the surface of that particular barrel of fuck. She was always very nice and personable around me, but we lived in the same house and I guess she didn't know that we all heard her screaming through the walls. She was so jealous that she completely flipped at him once when he called her from the airport after a work trip, because she could hear a woman talking in the background on the call...it was his sister...who she KNEW was going to be picking her husband up from the airport. She then made him quit the job - at the height of the recession, with nothing else lined up - because of 'her feelings' about him travelling for work, and therefore having the purely theoretical opportunity to cheat on her. Anyone that 'jealous' has some deep-seated issues about self-worth, boundaries and control, and the more you abide by their 'feelings', the worse they will treat you.)
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Oct 23, 2015 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: First the Funs, Then the Runs.
3 & 4 - she seems to be monogamous so my guess would be that the allergy onset happened to coincide with her meeting hubby. There is, of course, only one way to find out for sure.