Sep 1 thene commented on Here Are 6 Reasons Why Trigger Warnings Aren't Bullshit..
Literally every 'WAAAH ACKNOWLEDGING OTHER PEOPLE'S NEEDS IS BAD' argument goes aaaaaaall about the hypothetical people canoeing down a slippery slope to disaster. There are real people here telling you about how this really works and has really been implemented in other places in the past, but for some reason it's easier to make shit up than to listen to people with personal knowledge of how trigger warnings have been used as an access tool. Nah, fuck them, let's IMAGINE how trigger warnings would work in a HYPOTHETICAL UNIVERSE, because how they work IRL is irrelevant! This isn't a new idea, so if you're going to object to its use please produce some real world examples of warnings gone awry.
Sep 1 thene commented on Here Are 6 Reasons Why Trigger Warnings Aren't Bullshit..
@47 with the slippery slope idiocy. This may come as a shock to you, but there are plenty of spaces that have instituted a warnings code already - most of the ones I've been involved with are art or writing groups, or specifically mental health-oriented therapeutic spaces. Not one of these places has experienced the effect you describe. Most have the exact same warnings code they first implemented years ago. But it sure would suck to look at real trauma survivors when you can just insult imaginary hypothetical trauma survivors instead, wouldn't it?

But hey, I guess I shouldn't bother if you are the kind of fringe asshole who thinks that no serious discussion of psychology should mention the DSM-V.
Sep 1 thene commented on Here Are 6 Reasons Why Trigger Warnings Aren't Bullshit..
@44 - I've had this conversation with groups of traumatised people a few times and the consensus is, let's do the part that is easy to do and which will help a large number of people. That generally means rape, sexual abuse, graphic violence, domestic violence, incest, suicide/suicidal ideation, and self harm. Triggers are incredibly context-driven and many of us have one or two that would be innocuous to others, but the above are widespread enough to be worth doing something about.

And that's the OTHER thing I hate about this whole argument. The trauma might come up in any number of ways. We are NOT asking to be protected or "coddled" (another enraging word, which implies we want to be kids, when in many cases our childhoods ended violently and with the whole onus for our care left on us ever since), because that literally isn't possible. I have yet to meet ANYONE who is asking for comprehensive warnings to cover all their own triggers. We're asking for an opportunity to prepare so that dealing with this stuff day after day will be marginally less crap.

Whatever the math, that this argument has emerged right when people are first taking notice of how much rape takes place at colleges is telling. You're a woman, you get raped now and you shut the fuck up about it, take care of yourself and don't expect anyone else to give a shit. It definitely feels like a way to reorient the issue so that the onus is on rape survivors to drop out.
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Aug 31 thene commented on Here Are 6 Reasons Why Trigger Warnings Aren't Bullshit..
@26 - no one is asking for material to be removed from a course because someone might find it triggering. We're asking for an advance warning that the material will be included. That may come in the syllabus, it may come at the end of the previous week's class, whatever. Trigger warnings never ever ever remove any content from anything; rather, they add an accessibility feature for trauma survivors. We'll then make an informed decision on whether to take the course, or drop out if needs be, or whether to tough it out. In most cases, it will be the latter. In no cases will it affect the course content or the experience of non-traumatised people.

I don't get why this is hard to understand. To warn isn't to censor. It's very much like putting up a sign that says 'CAUTION WET FLOOR'; that doesn't restrict access, but rather, it enables people who are less sure-footed to prepare to keep their balance. And sure, we can't warn for every possible surface obstruction, but that's no reason to stop helping people by warning about wet floors. And sure, maybe some folks want the warning not due to a mobility ailment but because they're precious about their shoes, but that doesn't matter - the warnings are still helpful to a lot of folks. But sure, keep yelling 'but having to warn will stop people accessing the building! people should just take wet floors as they come!' That's super helpful.
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Aug 30 thene commented on Shut Up About Trigger Warnings....
Dear fuck this argument makes me angry. Mostly because almost everyone who throws their hat in the ring has zero personal experience on this topic.

When I was 12 and quite freshly traumatised I had an incredibly triggering experience in a secondary school class and here's the thing, there is no way I could have learned anything from that class. I was literally in so much mental agony that it took all my focus not to bolt out of the room. The worst part was trying to figure out if the teacher was maliciously targeting me or being stupid (because he knew what had recently happened to me) - the paranoia level at that point runs high. If you tell these rat fucks that they're SUPPOSED to be "exposing" traumatised kids? Way to escalate that paranoia and maybe see a lot of kids drop out of school entirely, good score.

[On that note, teachers ARE NOT MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS, they are not responsible for delivering exposure therapies. You get this beautiful hypocrisy where if the teacher triggers you, oh, they're not responsible for your trauma care, it's really your fault for even being there, but on the other hand now triggering-sorry-"exposure" is good for us suddenly teachers are skilled mental health professionals who are delivering the best possible care to us. We get it.]

Now here's the positive;
A few years down the line, a different teacher once took me aside after a class, and told me about what the next week's class would be about. She spelled it out in broad strokes and said that it would be okay if I didn't come to the class. I went to the class. Because I'd had time to prepare and was in control of the decision, I was able to come to the class. (As a sidenote; it was a psychology class. Yes, my psychology teacher was the one who decided a warning would be beneficial before exposing me, but it's okay, I'm sure she didn't know as much about psychology as the other guy, or Dan Savage. Good score.)

IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? yeah this is where the capslock rage comes in: THE WARNING IS AN AID TO ACCESSIBILITY. If you want a bunch of paranoid fucks who would rather drop out than deal with your "exposure", great, don't warn. But if you DO provide a warning - you're providing an accessibility tool for people to use to let them access education. And you're providing it at zero cost. There is no meaningful downside to warning. All it does is give fucked over kids an opportunity to prepare themselves to meet something on their own terms.

Even better, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SOMEONE IS BULLSHITTING. That's like saying we should remove all accessibility ramps because some wheelchair/scooter users are also capable of climbing stairs. If your desire to punish these bullshitters is so great that you won't do this one, tiny thing to help me & mine to access education? Please get out of educating people.

God, this makes me so angry, because I've been there and I cannot tell you how indescribably horrible it was and there you go making shit up about it.
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Mar 8 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Of Cake and Cocks.
@11, @14 - nah, he went STRAIGHT for the m4m. And that was after getting casual sex with women but not enjoying the interpersonal dynamics of it. He has an active preference for the m4m. And there is no attempt mentioned to find cock-wielding women (or nonbinary people) who are up for getting sucked off or banging him. He wants the dudes and that's all he wants (for casual, anyway).
Mar 7 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Of Cake and Cocks.
A guy liking a trans woman's dick is straight, same as a guy liking being pegged by a woman is straight. A guy getting fucked by a woman is straight. A guy seeking out guys on m4m...not so much.
Feb 27 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
@42 - I've never known anyone who's reported a rape or sexual assault and not regretted it deeply.
Feb 27 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
Rape culture is that it's so hard to come forward about rape, so much harder than that to get a case to trial, and so much harder even than that to get a prosecution, that rape is de facto legal. If you can get away with something upwards of 95% of the time it might as well be legal. The criminal justice system does not treat rape as a crime in any meaningful sense, and indeed, I'd argue that it's not equipped to do so. That minor change in perspective a few decades ago from viewing rape as a property offence against someone's husband or father to seeing rape as a traumatic violation of consent has never been fully processed by our police or judicial system. Nothing that occurs in that system is at all useful to anyone who's been sexually harassed, assaulted or raped, and nor is it intended to be.
Feb 26 thene commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Box Under the Bed.
Oh look, the old "But the poor creeper will get fired because of your prudishness!" move. I regret to say I fell for it last June, the most recent time I was sexually harassed by someone in their workplace. Double regret because that someone was a TSA agent, but god damn I needed to get the hell away and onto my flight. Men's income > women's safety, every time.