commented on SL Letter of the Day: Drunken, Impulsive Threesome—What Could Go Wrong?
Are you familiar with the poly concept of compersion? "Compersion" means enjoying the happiness of another. IMHO, no one should undertake a threesome who's incapable of compersion. You want to be able to gaze fondly at your partner as he gets it on with the other woman and feel happy that he's having a good time. It really IS possible to watch one's partner having sex with someone else and think, "Awww, isn't that cute." If you can't do that, then threesomes are probably not a good idea.
commented on Savage Love
I'm a woman who's a switch, and I actually prefer playing with other switches whenever possible.
I remember one scene that my then-lover and I did at a party where we were switching every minute or two during a single scene. I've never felt the power between us so tangibly, as if it were almost a live thing, as in that scene, since we were passing it back and forth between us so frequently.
This scene confused onlookers enough that one actually said, "Who's topping this scene, anyway?" Without stopping or consulting with each other, my lover and I simultaneously replied, "We are!" Being THAT in tune with someone was a wonderful experience.
Best of luck with Mel -- I hope that works out for both of you -- but female switches DO exist!
commented on Savage Love
DIMI, that huge chip on your shoulder is WAY more unattractive than a couple of missing fingers. Lose the chip, and the fingers won't really matter.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Chocolate City
I'm a 55-year-old bisexual woman. I still miss the boyfriend I used to have who would have sex with me three times a day.
Maybe a lot of women have low libidos, but not all of us, Dan. Seriously. Not all of us.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Ewww, Gross!
I used to date a cross-dresser. I wasn't LOOKING for one, but when I met a very interesting man at a party ... who happened to be wearing the same outfit I was ... I decided to give it a try. He had a full, bushy beard and male pattern baldness, so he wasn't trying to pass for female, but his black suede mini-skirt revealed great legs, and his conversation revealed an interesting mind and a great sense of humor.
All of which is to say that there ARE women who aren't turned on by the idea of cross-dressing who will be open to it if they meet the right guy. But ... and this may be key ... the man I used to date was completely secure in his identity as a cross-dresser. He wore a skirt not just around the house but to work, to the grocery store, out on dates with me, everywhere. He was amazingly expert at deflecting flak from narrow-minded fools, and I saw him talk down men who had thought that they needed to beat him up, until Glenn talked to them. Glenn KNEW that he was supposed to be wearing a skirt, and in the face of his calm certainty of the rightness of his actions, everyone else found themselves giving way. It was truly amazing.
Both of us were science fiction fans, so we went to a few science fiction conventions together (where a man in a dress will definitely NOT be the most strangely-dressed person there :-D). I watched once as a little girl -- who was maybe 6 years old -- asked him why he was wearing a dress. He replied, "Because I like to feel pretty. Don't you like to feel pretty?" She shyly agreed that she did. He started talking about his favorite party dress, then she talked about HER favorite party dress, and they were completely adorable together.
It probably helped that he earned his living as a computer programmer, since computer geeks are known for their tolerance. And it probably helped that his primary hobby was playing the guitar, since "I'm with the band" was a great excuse for being dressed strangely on those days when he was too busy or tired to do his usual amazing job of public relations.
Nearly all of his girlfriends were bisexual women, because most bisexual women think that someone who gives off both male and female cues is intriguing, not broken. :-)
So, work on your own self-acceptance, date bisexual women, and seek out subgroups where the unusual is socially acceptable, and you, too, can have a great life.