Helenka (also a Canuck)
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♥ As a Gemini, I acknowledge many dualities of which woman/child and bold/timid are but… more »

Feb 4 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Wedding Party.
Taking umbrage at the B-I-L's audacity of actually wanting to get married (with party, 'cuz let's not forget what the most important factor is) when your marriage has yet to be celebrated with all the hoopla is pointless. Let the B-I-L get married in peace. Remember that there's also another person involved - his future wife - who probably had as much of a say or more regarding setting the date.

Attend the festivities and wish the happy couple all the best. Then - while you're still in town - issue a personal invitation to both your immediate families and closest friends - to attend the renewal of vows if not on your first married anniversary (which may be too close to Christmas or bad flying weather) then on an alternate date (perhaps the Labour Day weekend) that will represent your 25th anniversary together, even if it's not the exact date.

You might graciously ask your B-I-L and wife to introduce you and your wife at some point during the party to acknowledge your recent marriage and long-lasting happiness (with a toast?). But under no condition should you try to turn their party into a pizza of which you demand half. Be happy, instead, that your relationship has lasted much longer than most straight marriages have. You've already won those bragging rights. Congrats!
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Feb 4 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Wedding Party.
Taking umbrage at the B-I-L's audacity of actually wanting to get married (with party, 'cuz let's not forget what the most important factor is) when your marriage has yet to be celebrated with all the hoopla is pointless. Let the B-I-L get married in peace. Remember that there's also another person involved - his future wife - who probably had as much of a say or more regarding setting the date.

Attend the festivities and wish the happy couple all the best. Then - while you're still in town - issue a personal invitation to both your immediate families and closest friends - to attend the renewal of vows if not on your first married anniversary (which may be too close to Christmas or bad flying weather) then on an alternate date (perhaps the Labour Day weekend) that will represent your 25th anniversary together, even if it's not the exact date.

You might graciously ask your B-I-L and wife to introduce you and your wife at some point during the party to acknowledge your recent marriage and long-lasting happiness (with a toast?). But under no condition should you try to turn their party into a pizza of which you demand half. Be happy, instead, that your relationship has lasted much longer than most straight marriages have. You've already won those bragging rights.
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Feb 2 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@118 (BDF) and others regarding functionality of a circumcised penis

Actually, there may be some validity to the fact that fucking (PIV) with a circ'd penis - since the natural gliding action is missing - contributes to a drying experience, thereby requiring a greater need for lubricant.
Feb 1 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
I don't think that WAD would be interested in getting fucked by her lesbian gf (wearing a strapon), not when she describes her as being her "princess" and "goddess". Sounds very fairy tale vanilla.
Feb 1 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
I'm worried about FORTDA and how his description of his desires does not meet realistic interpretation. Having the gf performing with a man according to your explicit directions does not make you a cuckold or even a hot-wifer. Rather, it puts you in the position of being her pimp or a porn director.

I'm so with BiDanFan and his apparent need to regain total control over her body. I could see how his directing of her actions could be done with the intention of including the type of sex that creates a humiliating experience for HER, but not for HIM. I even get a creepy vibe from the way he writes about wanting this to be "playful".
Jan 31 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@ Ricardo (and Belgian fries)

You bring back some wonderful memories from more than 20 years ago of me staying up half the night on the convention level of a hotel with two much younger men - one of whom got us fries with mayo. It's been my preferred condiment for fries ever since.
Jan 31 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
Just my two cents' worth on POSW. There's a danger in allowing (or, in fact, insisting) the opinions of others to direct one's sexual satisfaction, because one can never be assured of just the right conditions existing for the experienced to be heightened. Plus, there's the arrogance implied in such a requirement.

When the general public cannot supply the disgust you need, you create it yourself. After all, people in the BDSM community have been using their imaginations to create outlandish scenarios that could (or should) never be fulfilled IRL. You can do something similar: write a pretend scathing letter to the editor of your local newspaper (or a church leader, etc.) regarding watersports; have your hubby write one as well. Then, while engaging in your play session, he can read yours out loud and you read his. You'll have covered the shaming aspect as well as hearing something unfamiliar.

Both of you can have competitions to see who can outshame the other.
Jan 25 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Dutch to Trump: America First, The Netherlands Second!.
This cheered me up immensely. They aced the syntax (not that it was that hard, considering the source). DJT - uniting the world - the sane parts of it - by being a laughingstock. Though I'd hate to be nearby when he blows up ... again and again and again.
Jan 19 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Waking Up on Obama's Last Day.
@4
What did the penguins (plus researchers, etc.) on Antarctica ever do to deserve having their habitat bespoiled by the likes of these ... ughs.
Jan 6 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Snooper Boyfriend Keeps Snooping Through Passed Out Girlfriend's Phone.
Lately, she's become more distant again and frequently asks why we aren't having sex as often as we used to—and I plainly bring up that she doesn't want to engage, or else she rejects my advances, and so nothing happens.


Um ... Dan and other commenters, this has been the "new normal" situation for the past TWO YEARS shortly after they moved in together and some unspecified (but obviously drastic) "life problems". BOTH of the people in this ice age relationship move at the speed of receding glaciars. To me it seems as if both people talk AT each other rather than WITH one another.

I feel conflicting emotions from the LW: he wants to catch her in the act (I don't think physically because ewww, just with verification that there was a hookup) AND he wants to have a relationship on an even keel (even if that boat is propped up on dry land).

If she asked him why they're not having sex and he gave her reasons, then WHY does she keep rejecting his advances. This sounds like something deeper that needs to be examined and might be eased if she figured out the answer to that problem first with solo counseling instead of possibly setting up a passive-aggressive relationship breakup - which is where I believe she's heading.
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