Helenka (also a Canuck)
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♥ As a Gemini, I acknowledge many dualities of which woman/child and bold/timid are but… more »

Aug 16 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Opportunities.
Just for the purpose of informing other SLOGgers, surgery doesn't need to involve the pelvic area to affect one's ability to partake in sexual activities. Even when I had eye operations, my aftercare brochure specifically ordered me to refrain from ALL sexual activity ... anything that might result in orgasms for a month, because of the risk of the stitches being ripped, merely from exuberant (uterine) contractions.

HUNGER's new interest may be too squeamish or too timid to tell her exactly what the operation was for. He might also think that saying "intercourse" is the polite way of referring to all sexual activity if he's received the same restrictions. In any case, HUNGER may want to ask him to clarify if they can partake in other activities (manual/oral) where he would be aroused, possibly to orgasm.
Jul 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stray Text Message Outs Wrong Parent.
My husband absolutely does not want to tell our children that he is gay. He doesn't feel like he will ever need to, especially because he doesn't feel that he would ever want to be in a relationship with a man.
Well, IMO, MOM's hubby has come up with a convenient excuse ... that, because it's only sexual for him, there's absolutely no reason for him to be obliged to come out. I call BS. Because, he's also been pretending to "play house" with MOM for over two decades, putting up such a lovely façade of heterosexual fidelity and stability. But, now, having to come clean - even if only to save MOM from being cast in a cheating light by the kids - is something he's not prepared to do, because he likes the fact that he's gotten away with it (if we take at face value that the kids honestly never had doubts about him) and would hate for the kids to know he's been faking it (and that - in a way - he coerced MOM to construct the illusion of a monogamous marriage). Nope, he wouldn't like to be seen as the bad guy, no matter whether his dalliances were straight or gay (though there might be more of a visceral recoil with the gay aspect - as I see it).

I'm puzzled by the text mixup. What kind of a phone does MOM have that doesn't clearly identify the recipient. I just opened my phone and saw my recipient's name. If she's sending naughty texts, then she should assign a name (even if it's not the person's real name) or code. ::shakes head::
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Jul 2 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Man 4 Woman Annoyed @ Men 4 Men.
I'm not being serious here, but perhaps guys who respond to a "m4w" are dyslexic or have other problems with reading comprehension and simply think the poster made a spelling error. Even I'm more used to seeing the palindromic "m4m" in print.

My serious proposal is that I wish these sites required a contract (even an electronic one) wherein anybody who does make an unwarranted contact would be fined, with the fine being split by the site and the poster. Hey, if you're going to get pestered, at least the money might soften the irritation factor and eventually reduce the stupidity factor. Well, one can only hope.
Jun 14 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on The Orlando Shooter Might Have Been a Twisted Closet Case.
... while I'm still thinking about this, I wonder whether he thought that by exterminating as many gay people as possible, that his own shameful inclination and forbidden desires would vanish (temptation eliminated; problem solved) - which might align with the absurd thinking of that idiot who wants to exile all gay people on an island.
Jun 14 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on The Orlando Shooter Might Have Been a Twisted Closet Case.
@16
I was still typing when you posted, but we both seem to be seeing the situation through the same lens.
Jun 14 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on The Orlando Shooter Might Have Been a Twisted Closet Case.
When I finally began to think of the actions of this stain on humanity, I wondered how long he'd researched just where he was going to attack. Did he do a general online search of gay clubs, etc. and, once he had a few names, did he visit the clubs in person to get an idea of best vantage point to carry out the executions.

It makes so much sense that a grotesquely self-loathing gay man could do all the prep, see all the people who were being openly gay, and became even more enraged at the freedom they were enjoying.
May 23 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
Dear auntie grizelda:
I'm just shaking my head at the behaviours of your ::bites off the two syllables:: "siblings" who are IMO behaving like all-knowing fundamentalist religionists. After all -hear this in a sanctimonious tone- they're only concerned about your welfare and trying to be of help. L.M.B.

As you've lost an ally (and it's now known beyond your control), why not find yourself a "beard" (about whom you can talk on FB as to why you're so busy and unavailable). I'm thinking that someone who interacts with you in your musical endeavours would be ideal. The point is that you don't have to divulge any of the shudder-worthy details of your ex-family life beyond saying that it's awkward and the siblings are extremely intrusive, just that you'd like this buddy to allow you to mention them on FB (definitely using a nickname) or if you're actually replying to any unwelcome communication with the horrible prospect of a forced visit aka intervention.

Sending you much luck in reweaving a life of your own choosing!
Apr 18 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Constant Question.
@ nocutename (always and forever?):

The easiest way to see Every. Single. Comment you've ever made on SLOG is to click your own screen name (use the most recent comment). That will bring up your entire commenting history, including the specific column, and repeating either your entire comment (if it's short) or with a "More" which you click to read on. I just decided to see how far back I was willing to go before I got bored ... and got to comments I made in November, 2012.

Things used to be a lot better before the latest design changes on SLOG. It was easier to click on our screen name in the top corner. The other unwelcome change is that clicking on the column under which your comment originally appeared does NOT take you anywhere (despite its appearance, it's NOT an active link); so, if you want to read the actual column, you have to look for it in the Archives. Boo. But at least you can skim your comments and - one hopes - spot the one you were trying to find more easily. Have fun!
Apr 16 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Strap-On Tools.
"... I'd love to make this a memorable experience instead of a tearful confession about my currently non-functioning junk...."
Whoa! Why does the LW believe in such absolutes in a situation where there hasn't been any interaction to guarantee or support sexual activity?

How often do regular commenters here discuss the appropriate time to disclose sexual quirks and kinks? Well, let's include uncooperative body parts in that discussion. Without apology and definitely without tears. I'm also questioning his mind's unilateral race to the finish line ("memorable experience") when he hasn't even entered the stadium. He's already scripted the unspoken dialogue and blocked the stage movement so that it inevitably leads to the bedroom. The worst thing he could be doing is following an internal scenario without paying attention to the cues his hoped-for partner is displaying. After all, he's already figured out the special translation for reconnecting-with-an-old-friend = fucking.

Sorry, Dan, but if his old friend rejects him following your advice, it won't necessarily be because she won't accept his substitute dick, but because he disclosed it much too early, assuming there would definitely be sex (as others have suggested above).
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Apr 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@ undead (#16)
I was not suggesting anything close to confronting or embarrassing PART's wife. But, considering that PART might have dropped "Sporty" with NO explanation at all, if he tells the couple - as I said "in advance" which means not in the wife's presence - that he's trying to get his wife back on the main road of understanding that the time he and Sporty spend together is for leisure/sport only and not for anything resembling cheating, then the wife will stop making unilateral and presumably unreasonable demands.