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Helenka (also a Canuck)
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♥ As a Gemini, I acknowledge many dualities of which woman/child and bold/timid are but… more »

TMI

  • God is: Intriguing
  • Frank Gehry or Rem Koolhaas
  • No legs and a million dollars or A million legs and no dollars
  • What is your sweetest taboo?: Chocolate paint, anybody?
  • Tushy or Tuchus

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Aug 24 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Incoming Duke Freshmen Refuse to Read Alison Bechdel's Fun Home Because Lesbians Are Gross.
One aspect we aren't examining is that the students don't want to be reading a book by/about a member of the LGBT community who is famous, who has won awards, who receives attention and respect. That's the worst thing for these students and other coddled Christians, also why they loathe the increasing numbers of LGBT people whose efforts have benefited the world in countless ways and whose accomplishments are finally being recognized (in school curricula as one example).

Because you can bet that, if Bechdel were living in squalor, they'd be eager to read about her self-made misery (obviously because she'd rejected Jesus) ... and then fantasize of her tortured afterlife. I can imagine that, if they were taught about what Alan Turing had accomplished during WWII, they would be in awe; upon hearing about his trial centred on his sexual orientation, followed by chemical castration and suicide, they'd invalidate their previous stance, pronouncing that he got what he deserved ... to burn in hell.
Aug 23 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Port Commission Candidate Goodspaceguy Thinks Airport Workers Making $15 an Hour Is "Terrible".
The minimum wage is frequently above the market value, so disadvantaged workers, people who have various handicaps, perhaps are very old, have some mental problems, they can't get work because the minimum wage forbids people from working at their market value.
Uh ... really? So I am to assume that the ONLY reason a very high percentage (if not all) of the unemployed or workers who are currently not receiving the minimum wage is old age or disability.

I could curse, but I think I'll just say ... "charming" in the most insincere manner possible.
Aug 22 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Flirtation, Innocent and Otherwise.
I have two concerns about this couple. First, it appears that he's deliberately taunting her at a time when her hormones are all over the place, making a jealous reaction more predictable. The second impression I get from his fishing expedition (does his younger colleague like guys cross-dressing) is that he's possibly auditioning someone with whom he can play when the LW feels she's as big as a whale (and so not in the mood) or after the baby is born.

I don't get a good vibe about the future of this relationship.
Aug 22 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
Re HEMP's situation, I'd like to add a unique perspective to the conversation about whether the instructional session was sexually stimulating. First of all, I'll admit I've been on both sides of the ... rope. Neither dominating nor submitting is inherently sexual. It all depends on the context and on what the relationship between the two is meant to be.

For the conversation, let's pretend I'm a sentient cello! I've been played badly by a student who's not even sure whether he wants to play a cello at all, whether he's doing it out of obligation or because he thinks he's a know-it-all who can ace it by the seat of his pants. He held me roughly, his palm clenched tightly around my neck, while his bow hand sawed haphazardly across my torso. His touch both hurt me and made me nervous. Definitely not enjoyable. And, then, Yo Yo Ma came in and took over. His touch was firm, decisive, and held the promise of producing exquisite music (aka orgasm). I couldn't help it. I shuddered. It wasn't an orgasm, but just the thrill of being in the hands of someone who knew exactly what he was doing. That shudder was involuntary.

Whether the session was a way for HEMP to help teach her equally interested though clueless bf or whether he agreed just to be GGG, his allegation of "cheating" is way OTT. And does lead me to believe that he's just not very observant ... or teachable about more than mere rope tying.
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Aug 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Wetting Zinger.
Two pieces of advice: the first is a link to an education/advocacy group: http://www.nafc.org/adult-bedwetting/
I read the pertinent information, some of which supports what I was going to suggest ... namely that you try modifying what you drink and when (eliminating caffeine, etc.) and keeping a journal of when you have accidents (time, amount). If you don't find relief, the journal will be useful for giving a medical professional information you'd need to gather anyway.

The second thing is that I hope you can stop thinking that every potential partner will have a huge problem over this. If your current bf doesn't cut out the so-called jokes, then please show him the door and never regret it. With new partners, be matter-of-fact. People should be mature enough to take their cues from you. If you need to slip into something protective (a commercial brand of plain absorbent briefs) after sex, should your partner be staying the night, then slide into a slinky top (so you don't feel unsexy). If you're sleeping by yourself, place an extra protective layer on the mattress (can't remember what they're called but women who squirt find them useful because they're machine washable and cost-effective).
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Aug 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@Hunter78

Whoa! Now you're not even using my nickname?!?

Anyway, if you think about it from the perspective of a hyper-religiously-raised woman, then asexuality or being gay are the consequences of the repeated transgression, compounded by guilt. [I'm not expressing myself clearly today. Ack.] Remember, fundies don't believe being gay is inborn. It's chosen ... or perhaps a curse (or, in its lighter version, a burden one must endure). Because fundies want to see consequences for everything.
Aug 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@72 Hunter78 (from FTR "Helenka")

Hmm. If I were in that position (and, yes, I have been), I'd suggest variations for fucking; I'd urge my partner to seek medical help; if my partner refused to try despite my gentle support and inventiveness in bed, then that person doesn't get to fuck me at all and eventually gets dropped by me. I don't hurt my own psyche by allowing my partner to use me when there's no sincere attempt made to improve attitude and skills.

The "gay" or "asexual" aspect is intriguing, though, because it does fall into the consequences of a guilty conscience. It's her fault she had sex before marriage. So being either gay or asexual could be her fault as well. Being gay is taboo while being asexual is not something she knows if all she's been taught is that everyone gets straight-married and then has sex. Fade to black. The end.
Aug 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@65 Allen Gilliam
You're right. "Refuse" was too harsh a word, although one could say that a woman in similar circumstances might be left clinging to theories and practices she now knows subconsciously to be false; but she simply cannot abandon them, because it would mean that her family and community had lied to her, betrayed her.
Aug 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@70 Hunter, here is the passage from last week (I kept the tab open):
She explained that her upbringing was conservative and she felt guilty about having sex before marriage.
AFAIK, "conservative" usually comes with religious baggage of varying weight. Are there any conservatives who oppose sex before marriage without citing appropriately condemning Biblical passages? [Just as opponents of SSM can't defend their stance without falling back on the Bible, IMO.]
Aug 12 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
EricaP @34
Another important factor to remember is that fundie women have to flip a switch in their brains/bodies after marriage. What was bad is now good, etc. OTOH, fundie men never had to flip any switch. They're considered to be naturally sexual animals, but aren't blamed for it. It's only the women who are tasked with being the sacred gatekeepers and it's all their fault if they let down their guard. As the husband didn't come from the same background, he wasn't aware of the depth of her indoctrination. Another reason for people from diverse backgrounds to disclose their ethics and values before something as serious as a LTR or marriage is considered.
 

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