Achieve the Four Modernizations.

Helenka (also a Canuck)
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Bio

♥ As a Gemini, I acknowledge many dualities of which woman/child and bold/timid are but… more »

TMI

  • What book have you read the most?: Seven Pillas of Wisdom (T. E. Lawrence)
  • What song do you never want to hear again?: I don't listen to music I hate.
  • What do you like to read when you poop?: I'm too efficient for that.
  • If you could bring one dead person back to life, who would it be?: Queen Christina of Sweden.
  • No legs and a million dollars or A million legs and no dollars

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Dec 17 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@ uncreative (esp #269)
Although the older the person is , the more I give them a pass. Since I do understand that it becomes harder to understand new concepts as you become older.

I'm here to urge you to not give up on "older" people, using myself as an example. When I was 40 and met several gender non-conforming people, I was - frankly - stupid. And inwardly opinionated. Because, after all, it was ALL about my bias and perception. Thankfully, now that I'm 64, I'm a much wiser, better-informed (thank you, internet) and more accepting person.

Thank you for picking up the reins to be such a (gracious, patient) teacher. You have sown the seeds.
Dec 10 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on SL Letter of the Day: Short and Long.
This letter made my teeth ache when I read it the first time. ::shudders:: I wonder if this guy, besides being awkwardly immature, is practising to become a politician some day, learning how to spin a few words into a meaningless tangle. I definitely get vibes from the offhand slut-shaming and explicit absence of kissing. So I wonder if he is a graduate of abstinence-only sex-ed.

I also wonder at the emotional devolution, where it appears that nowadays people tell their besties everything, no matter how TMI. And observe rules best left to middle-school girls.
Nov 28 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Home For Thanksgiving and Not Interested in the Game, Your Cousins, or More Pie?.
Adding my not-so-much frustration as eventual indifference to a survey that didn't adapt to how one answered the first few questions. Uh ... if one is bi and poly, but it's impossible to check both *man and *woman. Design fail.
Nov 27 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on SL Letter of the Day: Criminal in Canada.
I'm not necessarily calling this letter a fake, but this couple has a deeper problem with the way they (don't) communicate with each other. It's too bad LW didn't mention which wedding anniversary they were celebrating. Could it have been only their first? After a fairly short courtship?

I can remember loads of whimsical, or inadvertently awkward sexual situations, that I've reminisced over with lovers (including one falling asleep during a bj). But, for the wife to act in an offhandedly callous manner, revealing the true details SIX months later is just weird. I wonder if she was angry at him for some recent slight, with prior resentment building up in the meantime in other areas, so the easiest weapon was to recall this SINGLE embarrassing moment, intending to shame him, first for falling asleep and subsequently losing his erection. Or perhaps she took it all much too personally – that she wasn't woman enough to keep him awake and interested. Or she felt abandoned that he'd fallen asleep at the end of their anniversary celebration. Or else there's the possibility nobody has entertained: that she lied about it. Just to hurt him.

As for the idea that the LW may have been assaulted previously (as proposed by #91), well, once again, it's a matter of not disclosing (communicating) to his wife – even in the most oblique manner – at the beginning of the relationship, that consent is critical and that he is unwilling to be engaged in sleepy sex.

Whatever the underlying tensions of which this is probably only the tip of the iceberg, I think this couple needs to avail themselves of a compassionate, but sex-positive marriage counselor.
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Nov 24 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
I really, REALLY don't want to comment on STICK's letter, but nobody else has mentioned this possibility. That the LW subconsciously wishes he had a urethra there and the deep piercings are a reflection of that desire.

Now I'm going to back away as quickly as possible.
Nov 21 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on SL Letter of the Day: Profile & Courage.
@ larsadin

Just took a look at your profile pic. Uh ... unless someone's really into an office setting (the workstations and monitors), it's not that exciting - even if you had 10 monitors in an enormous home office because you were a reclusive mogul).

How about having some action (or chillin') photos taken of you enjoying a hobby?
Nov 21 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on SL Letter of the Day: Profile & Courage.
@ larsadin

I don't want to say something that sounds cruel, but I believe that you and your wife weren't on the same page of the dictionary when you decided to go poly. You're looking for secondary relationships, while she's apparently on a spree (hundreds of men lined up?) with fuck buddies every day of the week. Is she auditioning ALL of them until she finds the few with whom she could maintain secondary relationships while keeping the marriage with you alive?

I'd also be interested in knowing how old her "dates" are. Are they older? However, as you've indicated in your profile that you're looking for younger, attractive women, you're already reducing the pool of available women, and further filtering it when you're not looking for a primary partner ... someone a woman might otherwise choose to be her primary partner. Would you be willing to expand the age range up? [I personally didn't even think of wanting to be someone's secondary until I was in my late 30s.]

May I suggest a sit-down with your wife to better define where she's headed with her 24/7 pursuits and how they mesh (or don't) with your hitherto unfulfilled goals? Right now, she's having more of an "open" marriage rather than a "poly" one.
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Nov 21 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on In a Cowardly Friday-Afternoon News Dump, House Republicans Find No Obama Administration Wrongdoing in Benghazi.
How deep is my contempt and revulsion of the current crop of Republicans? A hole so deep you'd reach the centre of the earth.
Nov 17 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on SL Letter of the Day: Ex-Primary Screwing Up Next Primary.
LW, you're dealing with a potential bunny boiler. Is this the ONLY subculture group you can find where you live? If so, it'd be wiser and safer to use ads to attract others of your persuasion/activity.

If your ex isn't even willing to admit she did anything wrong, then you have absolutely no reason to expect her to treat you fairly post breakup. Remember, she used to isolate you to maintain her control over you. I can imagine she'll do her damndest to break up every relationship you attempt within the group.
Nov 12 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Philae Successful!.
Thrilled that wonder and the pursuit of scientific knowledge are still worth something. Cynical enough to acknowledge that this happened only thanks to the ESA.

Though, @6: I'm waiting for Sandra Bullock to be MY comet explorer!
 

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