Helenka (also a Canuck)
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♥ As a Gemini, I acknowledge many dualities of which woman/child and bold/timid are but… more »

Dec 2 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: We Will Never Get Closure On CLOSURE.
I really thought I was done commenting on this letter-turned-into-a-saga and was only going to chant "buttsex, buttsex, buttsex" but remembered something from the original letter that nobody seems to have addressed:
I also found out, through various non-invasive sources like social media and friends (don’t judge me for snooping), that she has been pretty heavily out there dating since we broke up. No serious relationships, but she’s definitely hitting the market hard. For whatever that is worth.
Is it possible that, because of their living apart and not seeing each other often (for who knows what reasons), she wasn't getting her emotional-romantic-sexual-fun needs met, but - now that she's free of him - seems to be pursuing new partners vigorously? And the LW is jealous in a nebulous but slightly stalkerish manner?

Okay, back to asking for letters about teh buttsex. Or else, how about an educational column on new toys aimed at men's anal pleasure. [And women's, for that matter.]
Nov 28 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Done Dumped Me Wrong.
Two people who don't live close to each other and don't spend enough time together then go away on a vacation together after which the LW gets dumped. Why? Because his beloved saw-heard-experienced more than she'd known about him as they were sharing living and sleeping space for a brief (but extended) time.

Evidently, what she saw-heard-experienced was more than enough for her to have a visceral reaction and serious doubts for the future of this relationship. Someone above mentioned that you can't "logic" someone into saving a relationship, especially if the one who broke it off was acting upon a gut feeling. She may not be able to specify just why she broke things off, but it will be worse for you, LW, if you continue to try to pry it out of her. Let it go. Let her go. And don't go to the extent (oh, the drama of modern life) of blocking her. Just don't contact her (or stalk, etc.).
Nov 25 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Let's Give Thanks for Threesomes!.
Just to qualify for commenting on this column, I thought the letter from THANKS was delightful. Great to know that she used reason i/o fear to assess the risks regarding proceeding with the threesome. As for Bob, I sense a lot of misplaced hostility in him. He uses his entirely superficial knowledge of you to damn all consensual sexuality other than ::gags:: respectful male-female encounters. And, yet, how does he know about you or how to contact you unless he's a semi-regular (probably furtive) reader of your column?

Now, my true reason for leaving thanks of my own. On Wednesday, I finally visited the Chihuly at the ROM exhibit and was Totally. Blown. Away. All of you in Seattle are so fortunate to have him (and his artistic genius).
Nov 2 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Today Is the Third Day of the Cynthia Whitlatch Trial.
Whitlatch said Wingate was hostile, represented a potential threat to the public, and she thought she might have to use "lethal force" against him.
I hope everyone is as disgusted as I am at her delusional justification for the potential need to use "lethal force" in this situation ... especially IIRC she had to drive around the block in order to confront Mr. Wingate.

This lack of socialization on the part of police is one reason why I despair at the lack of community policing in large cities - where you have a regular rotation of cops walking the beat (or riding bikes) at least three seasons of the year and getting to know as many people as possible in any neighbourhood, whether the cops actually live there or not. At least then a cop would know that - even if a golf club can be used as a weapon - the man holding it is using it as a walking stick. But I guess that would be just too logical.
Oct 18 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
Before this column is buried upon the release of a new one, I'd just like to state - for the record - (because too many commenters are obviously confused by what infection VULVA has) it's NOT a yeast infection, it's BV. Different symptoms and causes. Different colour, too. [OTOH, I'm fascinated by the mention of strep bacteria ... something to investigate.]

BV seems to be a not uncommon reaction to the introduction of semen, as semen can alter the normally acidic pH levels in the vagina. Either participant using soap could also trigger it as most soaps are formulated with a pH level that is hostile to vaginal pH. I don't think it's something to which an already unbalanced vagina can become accustomed. It's just a basic chemical incompatibility. If the couple want to salvage the physical relationship, then it's either male or female condoms. Or no penetration, though withdrawal might be an option, depending on how reactive she is to precum, if he produces it.
Sep 28 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love.
@25 (undead)
IMO, the compulsion to confess being a CPOS is not so much from wanting to sabotage a relationship or hurt one's partner (or oneself), but rather the immense sigh of relief from having had to hold that secret in instead of blurting it out five minutes after the illicit sex happened. Because then it's out in the open and the cheater doesn't have to lie or hide.

That the revelation hurts the partner or torpedoes the relationship isn't even considered ... another sign of emotional immaturity, perhaps?
Sep 16 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Police Reports Illustrated: Man With Knife Wants To Buy Cigarettes.
Uh ... "waiving"? Definitely should be "waving".

Otherwise, I was also entranced by the decrease in movement from one pane to the next.
Sep 15 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: He Wears Short Shorts.
95% narcissist, 5% fetishist. I know (from personal ... uh ... misery) that straight men can be huge narcissists. As for this guy, he also craves constant attention, so he won't even allow himself to mar that long plane of smooth skin with socks and shoes.
Aug 16 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Opportunities.
Just for the purpose of informing other SLOGgers, surgery doesn't need to involve the pelvic area to affect one's ability to partake in sexual activities. Even when I had eye operations, my aftercare brochure specifically ordered me to refrain from ALL sexual activity ... anything that might result in orgasms for a month, because of the risk of the stitches being ripped, merely from exuberant (uterine) contractions.

HUNGER's new interest may be too squeamish or too timid to tell her exactly what the operation was for. He might also think that saying "intercourse" is the polite way of referring to all sexual activity if he's received the same restrictions. In any case, HUNGER may want to ask him to clarify if they can partake in other activities (manual/oral) where he would be aroused, possibly to orgasm.
Jul 13 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Stray Text Message Outs Wrong Parent.
My husband absolutely does not want to tell our children that he is gay. He doesn't feel like he will ever need to, especially because he doesn't feel that he would ever want to be in a relationship with a man.
Well, IMO, MOM's hubby has come up with a convenient excuse ... that, because it's only sexual for him, there's absolutely no reason for him to be obliged to come out. I call BS. Because, he's also been pretending to "play house" with MOM for over two decades, putting up such a lovely façade of heterosexual fidelity and stability. But, now, having to come clean - even if only to save MOM from being cast in a cheating light by the kids - is something he's not prepared to do, because he likes the fact that he's gotten away with it (if we take at face value that the kids honestly never had doubts about him) and would hate for the kids to know he's been faking it (and that - in a way - he coerced MOM to construct the illusion of a monogamous marriage). Nope, he wouldn't like to be seen as the bad guy, no matter whether his dalliances were straight or gay (though there might be more of a visceral recoil with the gay aspect - as I see it).

I'm puzzled by the text mixup. What kind of a phone does MOM have that doesn't clearly identify the recipient. I just opened my phone and saw my recipient's name. If she's sending naughty texts, then she should assign a name (even if it's not the person's real name) or code. ::shakes head::
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