clashfan
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Apr 19 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Open Relationships Can Work (But This One Doesn't).
@15: It sounds like the partner has decided she doesn't want to be with the LW anymore. I don't think it's helpful for LW to go through the next six months thinking this is a trial separation, that they might well end up back together.

The rest of your advice is sound: get out of there, have fun, try some therapy. But don't put things on hold for the next six months. Just get out there and go.
Apr 18 clashfan commented on Savage Love.
INSOMNIA: You say you're a night owl--what does that mean, exactly? When do you go to bed--can you try Erica's suggestion of waking your wife up if you get to bed around 3 am? If she stirs a little when you crawl in bed, try kissing her and see if you get a good response.

Otherwise, if you get home before she does, try getting some of those chores done for her. Knock that list down to size, and see what happens. Also, have you tried asking your wife what she thinks of this situation?
Apr 18 clashfan commented on Savage Love.
@6: Nope, life's too short to deal with assholes. They tried to break up the couple. They refused to attend a party because another guest is Muslim. She doesn't have to deal with xenophobic assholes.

Marriage isn't "about family". It's about what the people in the marriage agree it's about. It can be about family--it can be about breaking away from the bad examples your family of origin were, and making a new start.

Where did you get the impression I advised her to isolate him from his family?
Apr 18 clashfan commented on Savage Love.
No, you don't have to tolerate these jerks. He can take his Mom out on Mother's Day without you. He can go over there for pie on Thanksgiving and Christmas without you (but not go for the whole thing without you--make your own traditions).

Don't give him grief about it, do give him a little sympathy when he gets home. These people tried to break you up, and treat other people like crap. You're not obliged to spend time with them.
Mar 31 clashfan commented on Sl Letter of the Day: Safety Buddy App.
Simple. Have an arrangement with your husband that EVERY night at 8 pm, or 9 pm, or whatever, you call or text him with a codeword for "I'm just fine." Maybe another for "Call the St. Louis/Cleveland/Santa Clara police now." Set your phone alarm for 5 minutes before the set time. Tell your dates that you do this (not about the codeword, tho).

Now, your husband gets check-ins every night, and has no way of knowing if you're taking a break from boning a hot boy, or watching reruns of SVU.
Mar 22 clashfan commented on Savage Love.
@40: Hunter, don't ever change.
Mar 21 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Tale of Two Colleagues (She's Humping).
@7: She doesn't even have to be single! Just not date people she works with!
Mar 18 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You Heard It Here First, Cousin.
LW is allowed to be squicked by whatever squicks him. He's allowed to draw a boundary (don't sex your cousin or we're done) and she's allowed to not agree to that boundary and end the sexual nature of her and LW's relationship.

This might be a case of a mismatch in relationship goals, and LW is probably best served by calling a halt to their sexing. He wants a dating relationship, and she does not. He views months of make-out sessions with no orgasm as teasing, and she views it as her libido being on a downturn but still having a good time. Walk away, bud. Date others.
Mar 15 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Too Drunk To Swing.
Being generous, possibly they make the drinks stiffer at that place than you're used to. Now you know to slow down. Don't have more than one, or two if you're there more than an hour and had a solid supper beforehand.

You're disappointed. That's normal, when people around you (including your husband) got laid and you didn't. Figure out what you want now. Close it back up? Go back and try again? He doesn't get any play until after you've had a successful encounter? Talk it out with your husband, and let go of trying to get him to accept blame. If you're throwing blame around, keep some for yourself for not knowing your limits of alcohol and imbibing at a play event.
Mar 13 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Trump Killed His Wife's Libido.
There's so much going on under the surface of this letter. How did LW, his wife, et al., ruin the brother's wedding? Why was brother and his fiancee staying with them, and how stressful did that get--and why? I don't see mention of a farm--was that edited out of the original letter? So many things!