Apr 26
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: Not One of Those Bisexuals.
@2
Yes.
Sorry Dan, you're off on this one. Although, being a skeezy slut may be a subset of the femmy fag stereotype.
Yes.
Sorry Dan, you're off on this one. Although, being a skeezy slut may be a subset of the femmy fag stereotype.
Apr 8
East Coast Douglas commented on Bill Keller Hands Mark Regnerus and Tony Perkins Their Asses in Today's NYT.
@1
I see your point in the abstract, but it's off. The pro-equality argument is that same-sex marriage isn't a change to the institution as it exists in contemporary society. People of the same gender want to participate in the institution as it is. On the surface it looks like a much bigger change than it actually is.
It's the opponents who come back with, "No, you're wrong, this is a huge, fundamental change in the institution of marriage?"
So ask, "What about this change is more than cosmetic, what is actually changing in the substance of marriage?"
And the opponents say: "
I see your point in the abstract, but it's off. The pro-equality argument is that same-sex marriage isn't a change to the institution as it exists in contemporary society. People of the same gender want to participate in the institution as it is. On the surface it looks like a much bigger change than it actually is.
It's the opponents who come back with, "No, you're wrong, this is a huge, fundamental change in the institution of marriage?"
So ask, "What about this change is more than cosmetic, what is actually changing in the substance of marriage?"
And the opponents say: "
Apr 2
East Coast Douglas commented on Hard To Argue With That.
Addison DeWitt has the best lines in the history of cinema.
Mar 13
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Missing Condom.
@115 we crossed posts. I have to go to bed here on the east coast. But I'll pick this up tomorrow, I promise.
Mar 13
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Missing Condom.
@113
You dummy. You were supposed to say "if every awful sexual act is indeed rape."
Talk about undermining your own argument...
:-(
You dummy. You were supposed to say "if every awful sexual act is indeed rape."
Talk about undermining your own argument...
:-(
Mar 13
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Missing Condom.
I hit send before I was done (believe it or not). I feel your anger, Femwanderlust. And your anger is righteous. Rape culture is real and it is corrosive to men and deadly to women. Everyone should be angry about it. Anger is important and powerful. Hell, gay men would still be dying in the streets if ACT UP hadn't harnessed anger to force real change 25 years ago. We're still reaping the rewards of the change they forced.
But anger isn't effective if it's just a howl of rage at the unfair world.
You've gotten visibly pissed at both AFinch and I for (if you words are any indication) not sufficiently deferring to your views on sexuality. Both he and I have repeatedly expressed respect for woman and for their absolute autonomy over their own bodies and their own sexuality. We're not your enemies. (I'll stop speaking for AFinch, now, as I don't actually know the guy.)
Focus your anger were it will do good, not at those of us who are 85% with you already. Please.
But anger isn't effective if it's just a howl of rage at the unfair world.
You've gotten visibly pissed at both AFinch and I for (if you words are any indication) not sufficiently deferring to your views on sexuality. Both he and I have repeatedly expressed respect for woman and for their absolute autonomy over their own bodies and their own sexuality. We're not your enemies. (I'll stop speaking for AFinch, now, as I don't actually know the guy.)
Focus your anger were it will do good, not at those of us who are 85% with you already. Please.
Mar 13
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Missing Condom.
@112 Thank you for your in depth responce, it's given me a lot to think about.
I agree the guy described in the letter did clearly violate the conditions of her concent. She consented to sex with the unambigious condition that he were a condom. His decision to ignore what he had agreed to was unconscionable, evil, indefensible and possibly criminal.
My question--indeed problematic as hell, that's why it's exactly the right question-- is if every sexual act is indeed rape.
Don't assume this is all hypothetical to me, it's not. Ironically, I've gone through my posts before putting them up and changed gender-neutral language to the feminine. I think it's more useful in this particular conversation to stay grounded in in women's experiences.
I actually intended both the examples of being drugged at a party or a date rape as specific examples of rapes that did not involve physical violence. Since that wasn't"t clear, let me say plainly that the use of physical violence has zero correlation to weather a rape has occurred. And while I'm stating what should be obvious, not clothing choices nor prior behavior nor consent to other physical acts nor ANYTHING ELSE a victim may have said or done mitigates rape. Sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is rape. There are no excuses.
I would never in any conscious tell a woman (anyone) that her rape does't matter and isn't really rape for any reason, nor would I ever be so naive and arrogant as to think I know better what it means to have my consent and my body violated than does any rape victim. If the letter writer had said rape I never would have posted at #35, it would have grossly offensive to dispute her own understanding of her own experience.
But she didn't say rape. She also didn't say assault or violate. I disputed how other posters cooped her narrative to put their own labels onto her experience. I never wrote in all caps "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LETTER WRITER!" You did.
More...
I agree the guy described in the letter did clearly violate the conditions of her concent. She consented to sex with the unambigious condition that he were a condom. His decision to ignore what he had agreed to was unconscionable, evil, indefensible and possibly criminal.
My question--indeed problematic as hell, that's why it's exactly the right question-- is if every sexual act is indeed rape.
Don't assume this is all hypothetical to me, it's not. Ironically, I've gone through my posts before putting them up and changed gender-neutral language to the feminine. I think it's more useful in this particular conversation to stay grounded in in women's experiences.
I actually intended both the examples of being drugged at a party or a date rape as specific examples of rapes that did not involve physical violence. Since that wasn't"t clear, let me say plainly that the use of physical violence has zero correlation to weather a rape has occurred. And while I'm stating what should be obvious, not clothing choices nor prior behavior nor consent to other physical acts nor ANYTHING ELSE a victim may have said or done mitigates rape. Sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you is rape. There are no excuses.
I would never in any conscious tell a woman (anyone) that her rape does't matter and isn't really rape for any reason, nor would I ever be so naive and arrogant as to think I know better what it means to have my consent and my body violated than does any rape victim. If the letter writer had said rape I never would have posted at #35, it would have grossly offensive to dispute her own understanding of her own experience.
But she didn't say rape. She also didn't say assault or violate. I disputed how other posters cooped her narrative to put their own labels onto her experience. I never wrote in all caps "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LETTER WRITER!" You did.
Mar 13
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Missing Condom.
@108 Thanks for answering my post at 35. I had a small amount of discussion on the thread, but I assume they were hard to notice among all the back and forth on whether it is acceptable and/or male privilege to admit you don't like condoms. My point turned out to be a minor tangent in this thread.
But I will ask you. Would you tell a woman who was violently gang-raped on a bus in India, drugged at a college party, or wasn't able to stop a date who refused to accept that no means no, that her experience was the equivalent of a guy she chose to have sex with taking off the condom half way through without her noticing?
But I will ask you. Would you tell a woman who was violently gang-raped on a bus in India, drugged at a college party, or wasn't able to stop a date who refused to accept that no means no, that her experience was the equivalent of a guy she chose to have sex with taking off the condom half way through without her noticing?
Mar 12
East Coast Douglas commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Missing Condom.
@ 72, not consenting to what = rape?
She did consent to his putting his penis in her vagina, which is exactly what he did.
She put a common and reasonable condition on that consent: that he wrap the damn thing in rubber. He violated that condition and her trust and proved himself to be an asshole.
I'm not sure what to think of your post. Is it that you really believe that not using a condom in the last lap of a consensual sexual encounter, and pulling-out before he came = spreading a woman's legs and using her body against her will? Those things are really equal to you?
Or is it that you believe in a misogynistic society that often repunishes rape victims over and over if they try to pursue justice, that it's just better to default to calling any sexual encounter that takes an ugly turn rape because victims need that extra level of support, and nuance is a small thing to sacrifice for that goal?
She did consent to his putting his penis in her vagina, which is exactly what he did.
She put a common and reasonable condition on that consent: that he wrap the damn thing in rubber. He violated that condition and her trust and proved himself to be an asshole.
I'm not sure what to think of your post. Is it that you really believe that not using a condom in the last lap of a consensual sexual encounter, and pulling-out before he came = spreading a woman's legs and using her body against her will? Those things are really equal to you?
Or is it that you believe in a misogynistic society that often repunishes rape victims over and over if they try to pursue justice, that it's just better to default to calling any sexual encounter that takes an ugly turn rape because victims need that extra level of support, and nuance is a small thing to sacrifice for that goal?
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What about a quiet, effeminate, homo wallflower? Not a guy who seems about to break into a show tune with every second sentence, but a guy who also can't open his mouth with out a delicate macrame purse falling out of it. Does he need to alter his self-expression to appeal to you?