Tim Horton
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Nov 17 Tim Horton commented on Republicans Want Paris Attacks to Derail Obama's Plan to Resettle Syrian Refugees.
Let's agree that the vast majority of middle eastern refugees aren't terrorists, nor do they have any intent of taking up arms against their host nations.

The problem is bringing in large numbers of middle eastern people who hold vile and repugnant views on gays, women, homosexuals, Jews, speech that slanders prophets and gods, etc. Views that make our christian far right look tame in comparison. Look at the polls. http://www.pewforum.org/2013/04/30/the-w…

99% of middle easter muslims see homosexuality as immoral. 30-50% believe honor killings of females are sometime permissible. 90%+ do not believe a woman has a right to choose abortion. The majority believe death is the appropriate punishment for leaving Islam. 80%+ believe a wife must always obey her husband.

America has succeeded and Europe has failed to integrate Muslim communities. The generation of Muslim's born in Europe hold more vile illiberal views than their parents. The key is to allow numbers of Muslims here seeking asylum who can be absorbed into American traditions and cultures so we can eliminate the barbaric way of thought they are coming to us with (yes, I consider anyone who views women as unequal, who views gays as an abomination worthy of state discrimination, who hold virulent anti-Semitic views as barbaric).

I don't understand how so many secular liberals (like me, like Dan Savage) have no conerns in bringing over masses of people who view these values as an abomination. Not all Syrians are terrorists, of course. Not all German's were Nazi's but you could excuse Israeli's if they were being asked to resettle large numbers of German's fleeing WW2. Not all white South African's were racist thugs but you could excuse African American's for being concerned if they were being asked to absorb large numbers of White South African's in their communities after the fall of apartheid.
Nov 9 Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Lotion Up.
@14 link to the Responsive Desire blog at Dirty Normal was very helpful for me and should be required reading for any man who is about to enter fatherhood. My desire is spontaneous and frequent. Mrs. Horton is responsive and fragile. On a previous post, someone recommended that spontaneous desire people learn to see their partner getting into sex once sex starts as a sign of being desired. Also, men probably need to accept they experience sex and desire different from women - many women just aren't going to go from 0-100 kilometers on the sight of a naked male body.

All that being said, the idea he should just talk to his partner to solve the problem is not going to help. He wants to feel desired. You can't talk someone into desiring you.
Oct 28 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Help me understand why we shouldn't have laws criminalizing the intentional non-disclosure of catastrophic diseases. I read the law in my home state and it clearly exempts an HIV+ person from a crime if they disclose and receive informed consent from their partner. If the argument is that we shouldn't single out HIV, then I agree and would include other diseases that can cause catastrophic illness.

But its seems illogical we should only prosecute when there is a successful transmission of HIV. That is analogous to rewriting DUI laws to say you can drive intoxicated all you want and we will only prosecute if you hit someone.

Oct 22 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@11 SeanDr. - we called them puck bunnies.
Oct 22 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@39 - it might have been this thread, my comment at bottom of 207 and EricaP's response at 224.

Studies show that women who feel secure in long term relationships lose their libido (not all women, obviously). I haven't read it - I think NoCute has - but Bergner's book talks about it, in What Women Want. I suppose it should be no surprise that women, when threatened, their libido spikes to bring the male back in the circle. Men have what they call sperm competition, so perhaps there is some evolutionary basis for this.

Hysterical Bonding sounds hot. Not sure the other 22 hours of the day filled with hell and tears and hiding of the household scissors would be worth it.

Dan, how on earth can you forsake the standard "long term married, not enough sex, want to cheat" letter? You are a sex and relationship columnist. It's like a children's party clown that says no more balloons twisted into poodles....
Oct 15 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@64 BiDanFan- in my mid-20s I had to somewhat longer term sexual relationships with two women, in their late 30s and early 40s, respectively. It was seriously hot. It was the first time I realized what true uninhibited sex for sexual pleasure was, with someone who was comfortable in their skin. There was no agenda except the fucking (although one wanted it to lead to more, and it ended badly).

The age was not a feature, nor a bug, it was irrelevant as @59 said. But, given that this younger gents' girlfriend has blessed you, I bet your age is a plus, at least to the girlfriend as she may see you as less threatening to poach her mate than someone her own age.

FWIW, one of my older women initiators was in a poly relationship, and her primary man was mid 40s. He would apparently joke with her nostalgically about my ability to go multiple times in one night. As I approach 40, I get the nostalgia. Enjoy the ride ;)

Most importantly, yay you!
Oct 1 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@92 - I hear you.

Making love....what my wife is doing while I fuck her.
Sep 29 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
In response to LIAR, Dan wrote: "You want love, happiness, stability, and the freedom to fuck other guys"

Isn't that what most people want? Stability of a relationship and freedom to sleep around when the mood strikes. Point being, LIAR's sexuality seems totally normal and common, and I wonder if she would benefit by knowing that most people who make monogamous commitments do so despite strong desires to have sex with people other than their partner. Price of admission and all that. By all means, she should break up with this guy and try honest non-monogamy, but I get the sense she may be confusing people in monogamous relationships with people who are naturally monogamous.
Sep 29 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@448/449 - re sex workers, perhaps I am projecting here - it's no different than when you see your doctor/lawyer- you are paying for their time. You don't need to think your doctor/lawyer would be doing this out of the goodness of their heart. But at the same time, you can be the type of client/patient that is really prepared, respectful of their time and efforts and enjoyable to be around, and you will find that the service provider is genuinely happy to see you and wants you to have a great experience. Sex workers are human, and if you are upbeat and respectful, you will get a genuine ROI.

I suppose for those men that need to believe the stripper/escort would be doing this for free, then yes, they need a big suspension of disbelief.
Sep 29 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@436 - Mrs. Horton's pregnancy with boys resulted in a huge increase in her sex drive. She was also very into hardcore porn - gang bang scenes, etc. which was a pleasant surprise since she wasn't that into porn before or since. Medical literature shows a 50% increase in maternal testosterone gestating boys v. girls.

The anecdotal reports from female to male trans taking testosterone are really eye opening. This account, in particular, really nails what the male sex drive feels like (for me, I suspect its global):


An excerpt: "It became very visual. I saw it, I wanted it – whatever it was. This was a new experience for me, because, in the past, I had not been aroused so much by pictures and body parts (or pictures of body parts) as I had been by words – erotic descriptions, stories, and things said to me. It became very visceral – instinctual – with a need to take care of it. It had very little to do with romance or even an attraction that made sense intellectually. You’re hungry, you eat. There was a matter-of-factness about it, especially when I was by myself. Hmm … peanut butter sandwich sounds good. Okay, done. Let’s move on."

@431 - if you read the above it will answer your question on strippers/sex-workers: I don't think men suspend belief when they pay for sexual contact. It's goal oriented. I want to feel a naked woman against me. Feeling her against me feels fantastic. The cost is "x" and I will have a guaranteed experience. It isn't going to replace the need to feel desired or loved, but it does placate the immediate hunger - like masturbation plus - a snack so you can move on with your day.