It's not very popular.

Tim Horton
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Sep 25 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@190 - a threesome with two women is pretty high up on the holy grail for some men. I put myself in there. I've had some non-sexual experiences in life that others would think are pretty elusive that I take for granted now, so I can understand how the kinky echo chamber here wouldn't see the wife having a threesome as a nuclear blow to the marriage that jumped out to me when I read it.

Although I have never been in an open marriage, I would think it is OpenMarriage 101 that you shouldn't be having experiences with your FWB that you aren't either able or willing to have with your primary, assuming your primary wants to do the same. Be it threesomes or front row tickets to the Met.

It's only my POV, but - continuing my analogy - it would be like a couple opening up the marriage: she goes on a date to the Olive Garden. He flies on his younger, prettier girlfriend's private jet to St. Tropez for the weekend. Even if the open marriage came at her suggestion, and even if they both agreed to open the marriage, the degree of adventure is totally asymmetrical and is bound to cause some jealousy and resentment. Dare I say the wife in the letter has to be pretty dense not to believe her husband was going to have trouble handling the fact she is sleeping with multiple people, sometimes at the same time.
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Sep 25 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Awesome thread. Can I add another perspective with some mild gender assumptions thrown in?

Imagine this hypothetical: Wife laments to husband how he is no longer romantic. He doesn't take her on dates, doesn't woo her, and when they do go out it is so predictable and he is too tired to really "be present." But he is working too much, too exhausted, to spent to be creative, to plan dates, to think up poems of love. So when he finds texts on his wife's phone from a co-worker talking about a great restaurant they would like to try, he tells his wife that he is fine opening the relationship because he feels bad he doesn't have the emotional energy to devote to her. His wife and her co-worker go on dates, have sex, etc. but do it in a low key way. He remains drained and doesn't explore his option to date others.

A year later, husband gets relocated to NYC. New job pays triple, lots of free time. He feels energized! With all the money he is making, he is also attracting more female attention. Since he is in an open relationship, he is taking his new dates - 4 different younger attractive women in two months - to the best restaurants, front row at the Met, nights at the St. Regis and all night sex in the suite at the Gansovoort. Sure, he also takes the wife on date nights (and better date nights than when he was working so hard and too tired to talk) but those date nights seem a lot more reserved than the crazy VIP experiences he is having with his young hot new girlfriends.

So would it be fair for his wife to shut this down? After all, she was the one who got the open relationship first, even if it was his idea.

That is pretty much the equivalent of a man not having threesomes when his wife is.
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Sep 24 Tim Horton commented on ISIL Beheads French Citizen in Algeria.
@6 - I don't think the media is fueling outrage. Perhaps not surprisingly, I have an internal sense of outrage watching innocent people humilated, tortured and beheaded in the service of pedophile warloard from the 7th century.

But your point is well taken. Until a sizeable portion of middle eastern muslims are willing to fight and die for secular democratic values, we are wasting our blood and treasure backing near equally horrific actors.

Watching this carnage unfold reminds me to be thankful for every one of my first world problems.
Sep 22 Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Played Out.
I don't think LW is nearly as cool with her boyfriend having sex outside their relationship as she thinks she is. Her boyfriends senses this. If her boyfriend thought it wasn't going to be an issue, he wouldn't have bothered with sneaking around on kink websites.

Sep 17 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Perhaps I am projecting but....

LTB seems like a dream. Bisexual, up for threesomes, doesn't rely on her husband to meet all of her emotional needs (perhaps she is a Leafs season ticket holder too). I don't think she needs to be on fetlife or poly websites. She just needs to date men and disclose her bisexuality up front. I bet most men will find it to be a huge plus.
Aug 27 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@53 - I moved to the U.S. for grad school and never returned. However, seeing a 9 year old with an uzi, gunning down a weapons instructor at a range, that also pimps burgers, with no laws being broken in the process, makes me think that it may be time for ole Tim to pack the wagon back north.

Plus, the slogan of "roll up the rim to win" is all kinds of an awesome innuendo. For what it's worth, I am for sale for a lot less than 12.5B.
Aug 27 Tim Horton commented on Gay Bathhouses Are Going Extinct.
As a straight, I cannot even imagine the awesomeness of bathhouses. Or grindr. I feel like it's only fair that gays be denied something to level the playing field.
Aug 27 Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
ARTATB - In the short term, since you are mid-30s and fertility is about to rapidly decline, it is probably best that you do what you have to do to get him to climax in you during fertile days even if it means ball stretchers, or only using positions where you can reach his balls when he is in you. You have the rest of your lives to work on this but only a couple more years to conceive, especially if you want more than one shorty.

That being said, I am surprised by Dan's advice not to try to rewire him at some point. This guy can't even get an erection without specific ball stimulation. She has already become frustrated by the situation (so has he) which is understandable, and will only grow as their sex life becomes more predictable. (it would be helpful to know if he was ever able to get erect without ball tugging or if this is merely a rut he got himself into).

My best advice would be to hold off on the frequency of ejaculation and try having sex in the morning while his testosterone is high after he has gone several days without ejaculating. Get him hard by ball stimulation then have him enter you hard, release his balls and practice him staying hard in you as long as he can. Don't hold a funeral for his cock if it goes soft. Try try again. Hopefully, eventually his endurance can improve and once he can get erect without ball grabbing, the mental block will go away.
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Aug 21 Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Numbed and Confused.
Perhaps this is a surgical complication? Was this general anasthetic? If patient is large habitus could be a nerve injury from positioning. Screen for diabetes or other issues that could cause neuropathy. Electrophysiology or nerve conduction studies might help. This has nothing to do with routine circumcision.
Aug 21 Tim Horton commented on Everything Is Transphobic (But "Gay Men Draw Vaginas" Isn't).
I wonder if Dan Savage is concern trolling this stuff. The opening quote is: "[Some] online feminists have even deemed the word “vagina” problematic."

Are there really that many people who consider the inappropriate use of the word vagina an issue or are we talking about a lunatic fringe whose views should just be ignored because they are irrelevant as to power and influence. Is this sort of like how, for example, one can scroll Jezebel, find an angry commenter that believes the first drop of alcohol validates consent, and then make a blog against the angry feminists among us?

I admit that I live in a relatively insular bubble - I have never heard the term privilege or patirarchy outside this website, so there are obviously subcultures of thought outside the mainstream that exist that some take seriously. But assuming attitudes about vaginas being offensive are limited to a small subset of crazies, best to ignore them rather than waste time debating them and in the process giving legitimacy to their insanity.

 
 

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