Jun 6
Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Soldier Boy.
Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Soldier Boy.
Maddy811 - I don't understand how you can reconcile this statement you made @47 with the concept of full female autonomy: "someone confesses love and you cannot requite it, don't fuck them. Walk the fuck away like an adult. Don't exploit it."
So if I understand your position: if a female confesses she loves me, and I am honest that I care for her but do not love her, even though she still wants to have sex with me (and me with her) it is my duty as a man to trump her decision? Sounds like what you want is pretty close to the patriarchy.
So if I understand your position: if a female confesses she loves me, and I am honest that I care for her but do not love her, even though she still wants to have sex with me (and me with her) it is my duty as a man to trump her decision? Sounds like what you want is pretty close to the patriarchy.
Jun 6
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
I am with EricaP @82.
There is nothing worse than someone complaining about their marital sex life, when they have given no indication of expressing what they want. Again, EFEED makes zero mention that she has ever expressed 1) her disgust for his kink, or 2) what would turn her on.
Which raises my lone objection to Dan's advice - I don't think she should be so harsh. She should certainly make it clear she doesn't want to play cuckold with him. But it seems unnecessarily cruel to go from indulging the kink to threating to end sex sessions if he dares go there again. If she tells him it turns her off, that will do it. Remember, assuming her husband isn't a sociopath, he is about to be jolted that his kink is a threat to their marriage.
If you make your spouse 100% responsible for the sexual part of your marriage, you lose the right to complain where he/she takes you.
There is nothing worse than someone complaining about their marital sex life, when they have given no indication of expressing what they want. Again, EFEED makes zero mention that she has ever expressed 1) her disgust for his kink, or 2) what would turn her on.
Which raises my lone objection to Dan's advice - I don't think she should be so harsh. She should certainly make it clear she doesn't want to play cuckold with him. But it seems unnecessarily cruel to go from indulging the kink to threating to end sex sessions if he dares go there again. If she tells him it turns her off, that will do it. Remember, assuming her husband isn't a sociopath, he is about to be jolted that his kink is a threat to their marriage.
If you make your spouse 100% responsible for the sexual part of your marriage, you lose the right to complain where he/she takes you.
Jun 6
Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Soldier Boy.
Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Soldier Boy.
Wow, this board is so unfairly harsh on this soldier. @11 says he is an asshole with a Madonna/Whore complex. @24 predicts he will slut shame her on facebook. @25 calls him demonstrably callous. @27 calls him a user.
The only thing you know about him is that he is honest. More so than most guys. He did the honorable thing by letting her know he doesn't see a long-term romantic relationship.
According to many on this board, the only acceptable times to have sex is if it has the potential to blossom into "the one." Otherwise, being honest enough to admit you care about someone, you want to keep having sex, even kinky sex with them but do not see it going the distance makes you an asshole, slut-shaming, callous, madonna-whore complex sociopath.
No wonder men pretend to have feelings to get laid.
The only thing you know about him is that he is honest. More so than most guys. He did the honorable thing by letting her know he doesn't see a long-term romantic relationship.
According to many on this board, the only acceptable times to have sex is if it has the potential to blossom into "the one." Otherwise, being honest enough to admit you care about someone, you want to keep having sex, even kinky sex with them but do not see it going the distance makes you an asshole, slut-shaming, callous, madonna-whore complex sociopath.
No wonder men pretend to have feelings to get laid.
Jun 5
Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Soldier Boy.
Tim Horton commented on SL Letter of the Day: Soldier Boy.
I see this differently.
Threesomes in a "serious" relationship are dangerous territory. It doesn't make you sex negative to realize that having a more-some with your spouse and co-parent is a far riskier proposition than having a threesome with casual hookup. Both can end badly, of course but only one risks the need to involve the attorneys and guardian ad litem. Threesomes are an ultimate fantasy for many, and I give this guy credit for being introspective enough to want to have them in an emotionally low risk situation.
Go have the threesome.
Threesomes in a "serious" relationship are dangerous territory. It doesn't make you sex negative to realize that having a more-some with your spouse and co-parent is a far riskier proposition than having a threesome with casual hookup. Both can end badly, of course but only one risks the need to involve the attorneys and guardian ad litem. Threesomes are an ultimate fantasy for many, and I give this guy credit for being introspective enough to want to have them in an emotionally low risk situation.
Go have the threesome.
Jun 5
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
@61 - Mr. Ven, if you will allow me to elaborate:
As with all letters, we only have EFEED's side of the story. I would guess that EFEED's husband would be surprised to find out that his fantasies are destroying their sex life. Since she describes their relationship as otherwise good but for the sex, there is obviously an element of mutual caring and respect outside the bedroom. I doubt he is aware his fantasies are sabotaging his marriage. At the risk of more gender essentialism, men aint good at reading female minds.
So why hasn't this supposed D-bag of a husband realized that he is putting his marriage at risk with dirty talk? Maybe he thinks his wife's lack of enjoyment during sex is from low libido secondary to her being bored of fucking him, something fairly common in long term relationships. Maybe he assumes that she, like pretty much all men and most women, have active fantasies about fucking people other than her spouse. Maybe he thinks he is being GGG by initiating bedroom fantasies involving others, which is not something that all husbands would be thrilled about. Maybe she could, you know, speak up about what she wants, instead of making him guess and then getting depressed when he guesses wrong.
Which brings me to my half-sarcastic point @52: In my marriage, Mrs. Horton wants me to "finish" even though it is pretty clear to me she doesn't particularly want to be having sex at that moment. Believe me, Mr. Ven, the situation sucks. Fucking an unenthusiastic partner is debatably more/less enjoyable than going without. It is, however, preferable to Mrs. Horton feeling even worse about her lack of libido by me stopping the fucking and mid-pump and checking in with her. (Want to see a low libido spouse really feel bad about the situation? Insist they must enjoying themselves and be in the throws of orgasm with you for each sex session. Funny how that works.)
More...
As with all letters, we only have EFEED's side of the story. I would guess that EFEED's husband would be surprised to find out that his fantasies are destroying their sex life. Since she describes their relationship as otherwise good but for the sex, there is obviously an element of mutual caring and respect outside the bedroom. I doubt he is aware his fantasies are sabotaging his marriage. At the risk of more gender essentialism, men aint good at reading female minds.
So why hasn't this supposed D-bag of a husband realized that he is putting his marriage at risk with dirty talk? Maybe he thinks his wife's lack of enjoyment during sex is from low libido secondary to her being bored of fucking him, something fairly common in long term relationships. Maybe he assumes that she, like pretty much all men and most women, have active fantasies about fucking people other than her spouse. Maybe he thinks he is being GGG by initiating bedroom fantasies involving others, which is not something that all husbands would be thrilled about. Maybe she could, you know, speak up about what she wants, instead of making him guess and then getting depressed when he guesses wrong.
Which brings me to my half-sarcastic point @52: In my marriage, Mrs. Horton wants me to "finish" even though it is pretty clear to me she doesn't particularly want to be having sex at that moment. Believe me, Mr. Ven, the situation sucks. Fucking an unenthusiastic partner is debatably more/less enjoyable than going without. It is, however, preferable to Mrs. Horton feeling even worse about her lack of libido by me stopping the fucking and mid-pump and checking in with her. (Want to see a low libido spouse really feel bad about the situation? Insist they must enjoying themselves and be in the throws of orgasm with you for each sex session. Funny how that works.)
Jun 5
Tim Horton commented on "The Republican Party doesn’t want black people to vote.".
Tim Horton commented on "The Republican Party doesn’t want black people to vote.".
@23, you don't think the Democratic campaign strategy is to dampen voter turnout on the republican side? Paint Romney as a mormon to lose support of evangelicals who overwhelmingly vote GOP? Actively challenge military absentee ballots in Florida because those favor GOP candidates?
Jun 5
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Dan Savage asked: "No more closing your eyes and waiting for him to finish. (What kind of asshole can finish under those circumstances?)"
Tim Horton answers: Married men, reluctantly.
Tim Horton answers: Married men, reluctantly.
Jun 5
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Tim Horton commented on Savage Love.
Wow, @10, @11 and the rest, are WAY too hard on EFEED's husband.
No where in the letter does EFEED ever mention that she told her husband that the dirty talk/progession to cuckolding talk was a turn off. All we know is that 10 years ago her husband asked her to talk dirty about sex with other men, and she complied. He apparently has escalated that to cuckolding fantasies, over 10 years. She shuts down during sex. She has harbored resentment for ten years and has never given her husband the reason. That is passive aggressive bullshit. She reaps what she sows.
Dan's advice is generally fine and his core message is worth shouting from the rooftops: If you want a man to stop doing something or to do it differently, speak up directly.
EFEED , your husband is not a mindreader. And if the recent NYT cover on monogamy and women is accurate, most long time married women are fantasizing about other men during sex.
No where in the letter does EFEED ever mention that she told her husband that the dirty talk/progession to cuckolding talk was a turn off. All we know is that 10 years ago her husband asked her to talk dirty about sex with other men, and she complied. He apparently has escalated that to cuckolding fantasies, over 10 years. She shuts down during sex. She has harbored resentment for ten years and has never given her husband the reason. That is passive aggressive bullshit. She reaps what she sows.
Dan's advice is generally fine and his core message is worth shouting from the rooftops: If you want a man to stop doing something or to do it differently, speak up directly.
EFEED , your husband is not a mindreader. And if the recent NYT cover on monogamy and women is accurate, most long time married women are fantasizing about other men during sex.
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What makes the article fascinating is the fact that these women were NOT hyposexual in their youth, in their dating years, honeymoon years, etc. They still love their husbands, find them attractive. Husbands are trying to spice things up and the women still want to want to have sexual desire, but it isn't there. It's really freakin common.
The article explores causes (I lean towards the theory of men's sexual drive is spontaneous and women's is responsive) but the bottom line is (perhaps threating to some men), that these women may really have a buried sex drive that has been extinguished by long term monogamy - and therefore dispenses with the myth held by some that women are naturally monogamous.
With respect, by definition you can't really relate to the article if you haven't been in a 10+ year monogamous relationship.