commented on SL Letter of the Day: Natural Vs. Unnatural Threesomes
you don't have to talk about boundaries, consent, birth control, likes/dislikes etc. before sex one on one either, we certainly didin't always in the past. I gave a lot of massages that ended 'happily'. Sometimes it was fine, and other times it was terrible. The 'natural' way just increases the odds that it's terrible but helps people who are too immature or shy to talk about sex and their desires I suppose.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy's Pretend Girl Worried About Daddy's Actual Girl
My wife and I are into some Dom/Sub play and we both get off on it but now and then mid-fuck I'll say or do something and she'll say "that's not very feminist" or the like and the scene dies. Everyone has their limits and I try to respect hers, but the same thing she is objecting to is what made her super wet and quivery last time. I try to get her to tell me in advance if she isn't in the mood to be treated mean but she does not like to talk about it and does not seem to know till we are well into it.
It's annoying that the sex gets sidetracked, but it is worse that she judges me like I am some kind of asshole selectively based on how horny she is. So from the other side of this equation: try to take Dans advice, and once your guy has proven himself generally decent try to cut him some slack and not project your guilty feelings post-orgasm onto him.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever
I don't have any advice for the LW, This decision she can work this out on her own with the understanding that she is better off without this crap dude.
But I am someone whose life was saved by safe, legal abortion. Birth control failure at 16 with an older girl who turned out to be a bit of a sociopath, but who fortunately decided to abort. Now at 40, seeing the direction our lives took I thank my lucky stars every day, and donate to Planned Parenthood and always vote pro-choice.
So yeah, @2 go piss up a rope.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Rest of the Story
@1 yeah exactly, the original letter was super vague and would apply to tons of men in the english speaking world at any particular moment. If I scanned every Savage letter for possibly being my wife I would hit a lot of false positives. I say that as someone who has had a very specific call answered by Dan and still had to tell my wife that it was me.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: In Demand
Yeah the three way thing seemed like a red-flag (even though many people would probably be ok with it if broached correctly). If it seems like the LW only wants to be the center of a c-type triad and get 2x the love while everyone else is dedicated to her.. that is a huge ask.
commented on Savage Love
Ugh, the thing about HADs situation, and admittedly Dan is just arguing a devil's advocate position but anyway.. is that even if you can get to a point where you accept that your wife is completely incapable of monogamy for more than half an hour and you are happy with that it does not change the fact that she completely lied to you for a really long time. She had a choice to treat you like someone she loved, or even as first among many and decided not to. Repeatedly. Being in a marriage is not just about sexual access rights, it's about building a life with someone who is your very good friend, if a good friend of mine was this explicitly dishonest with me in a way that they clearly knew would upset me and just didn't give a crap I would be done with that friend. Esther Perels addition did not seem useful at all to me, I know the cultural default is not always right, but in this case Esther just bent herself into pretzels trying to accommodate the wife being a shithead.
There are other kinky fish in the sea who will treat you better, get free so you can have a chance to find them.
commented on House Dems Boo Sanders
@61 I don't know what you are responding to, other than some strawman you wanted to argue with. But Sanders is not beyond the pale, and neither is booing him and calling him out to his face. This is only a news story because Bernie and his remaining hardcores are sensitive little flowers who demand gentle treatment from the party that they despise.