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Jun 21 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
@301 Allen Gilliam--The problem here, Allen, is that you do sound like a ten-year-old, and not in a good way. Dan's request was for men to put a cork in it and just listen to women's stories this week. Just this once. For a week. Just listen. Regardless of how wrong and unreasonable one feels the comments might be, just listen still means...just listen, for fuck's sake. It's a matter of respect. I'm sorry that you couldn't be the better person, swallow one or two comments that bother you, hold your peace, and let the testimonials keep rolling so that everyone could learn a little something here without a man bleating about the unfairness of it all for once. The very fact that you chose this week, of all weeks, to argue that women are too sensitive about being harassed, means that you as much as anyone would have benefitted from listening.

But no, it was more important for you to air your grievances. Defending free speech indeed. You hijacked a thread that was supposed to be about giving people who are not you the chance to be heard and understood. Do you not see the sad, sad irony in that? We were supposed to hear about men who "understand and are standing up for [women] in their everyday lives." Instead, we got you. Fucking embarrassing.
Jun 18 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
Ah. I get you now. Strange--if I were to ever feel trapped in a marriage, it would be more through feelings of obligation to my children. I don't think I'd have much of a problem walking away from a partnership that was broken.
Jun 18 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
Jesus Allen. Forebear, man. You might have some points to debate, but this is not the time or the place. Dan was asking us to take a listen for just this one thread.
Jun 18 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
@294--Okay, I get that you're advocating for being enthusiastic about marriage, and that each person involved needs to figure out what it's going to take to achieve that--and I'm with you 100%. But I don't see how that starts with knowing you can take the marriage or leave it.

Oh I see! You're at work not because you need the money, but because you like the job. I get it now.

Huh. Let me wrap my head around that one for awhile. By the way, thanks for your post above summarizing how you guys handled the vagaries of desire. I like a story with a happy ending.

Oh, before I forget: nocute, if you're still around, your post @226 made me laugh. Lucky you indeed. For what it's worth, your hard-won insight is helping at least one guy navigate a few pitfalls. Cheers!
Jun 18 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
EricaP--there's something I'm not grasping here. It seems to me that if you're operating every day of your marriage knowing that you could take it or leave it, you've already distanced yourself from your partner. You're managing risk by realizing that you could survive a break-up, but in doing so you've retreated from the intimacy and connection that make a marriage worth all the hassle in the first place.

I don't know, I love solitude and independence. I like not having my day dictated by other people's needs. But I'm a little hooked on intimacy and connection. There's a comfort and a happiness and a warmth in my wife's company, most times and most places, that I don't get with anyone else. Deciding I didn't need that anymore would be my first step toward the door.
Jun 18 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
EricaP, are you saying @268 that a healthy marriage is one where both people realize they can live without the other?

I'm all for a certain amount of independence, but that strikes me as a great way to prevent feelings of intimacy.
Jun 17 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
I find nocute's posts on this matter most interesting and potentially the most balanced, because (please correct me if I'm wrong or oversimplifying, ms. cute) from what I understand of her past, she has been in both positions: she has been the spouse lacking desire after having children, and later the spouse with the stronger libido, feeling desire that goes unfulfilled.

I find it interesting that it was the latter situation that pushed her toward divorce. It's a sample size of one, but I think it gives some insight into what feeling unwanted by your partner can do to one's self-esteem, compared to other challenges of marriage. That one was the dealbreaker. Do I have that right, ms. cute?

LavaGirl is understandably irritated at men who complain about their cock not being properly cared for, but maybe it's not entirely a cock thing. Maybe it's a human thing.
Jun 16 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
@210--Ha! That's awesome. Feel kind of bad for her though. I hope he's really good to her, she deserves it.

Tim Horton @185--I think EricaP's suggestion @177 is a great one, provided it piques Mrs. Horton's interest and not just yours. It could be a fun game and kind of crazy, and it probably won't take long before she realizes it's not a game at all, and that it would be pretty easy to meet up with someone for real. How you play it after that would be up to you guys, but just getting to that point is bound to shake things up, open up possibilities.

Worked for us.
Jun 16 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
Also, Sissoucat: I am aware of your background, but on this side of the pond some guys, many guys, pitch in hard at home with housework and childcare, and are aware of their wives' hopes and dreams because they talk openly. Mrs. Bloomer and I do what we can to keep it fresh. We stay in shape, and on good days I can still charm her, sort of I guess, as well as you can charm anyone who knows exactly how much smoke you're blowing, and I like to compliment and encourage her because it's fun to see her eyes light up and to make her smile. I worry that she doesn't get enough time to herself, and I try to make that happen when I can (nowhere near enough). But contrary to your theory, none of this has any effect on her libido. I don't think even she knows what will turn her on from one day to the next.

Sometimes the throbbing clit and the wet pussy just don't come around as often as they used to anymore. I don't think there's a "because" in there anywhere. Or if there is, it's so complicated and changeable that no one's ever going to keep up, least of all the pussy owner herself. Tough not to take it personally as the partner, though. Mr. H, you have my sympathies.
Jun 16 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
Amen, Mr. H. If you're angling for a guilt fuck followed by angry resentment, talk away.

All this conversation is cracking me up when I think of the commenter who told LW1 to go for it because she's not a 30-year-old woman with all kinds of baggage. So much truth! As we're all busy proving here. LW1, I say go for it too! What better place to start your own luggage collection than at grad? And by the time you're thirty, just like us, you'll have a complete set of matching baggage, along with some random sunflower-print carpet bags and banged-up steamer trunks to go with it--hopefully with some travel stickers on the side from Majorca and Oahu and Moscow.

(Seriously though, just flat out ask your crush if he's up for a good time. What do you have to lose? Don't be hoodwinked by all that crap about needing to play hard to get--women who know what they want and cheerfully ask for it are hot. Fun fact: that's exactly how my wife got my attention 23 years ago. Drank some red wine to get her courage up and went for it. And yes, it was at the end of high school.)

Actually, I've just realized--LW's grad was on Saturday. I wonder how it all went.

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