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LateBloomer
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Average-sized, average-looking guy with nice eyes and a cut body is seeking a...whoops. Wrong profile.

in the past few hours LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
....or, what nocute said.
in the past few hours LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
LavaGirl, you're assuming a low libido can be "fixed". You can't fix something that isn't there. It's a low libido. It just is.

But like you, I had my doubts about this and they fuelled years of experimentation, ideas, creativity and etc. I assumed I was the problem and if only I could get better or change or whatever.... But when I saw Mrs. B's tepid interest in extra-marital sex as well (once the novelty had worn off, which it did pretty quickly, and even though she had a charming hunk of a lover) I had to take her word for it. So then you're going to ask, Why marry such a person? to which I reply, I was in love, inexperienced, very young, and her libido (and interest in sex) was a lot different back then. No, I don't know why it changed and neither does she. Maybe I killed it stone dead, and not even her charming hunky lover could revive it, I don't know. Or maybe shit just happens. If you find out, let me know.
6:47 PM LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
Also too: I'm not super absorbed in my situation, just using it to prove a point. I think people who say, "Don't ever cheat! Divorce! Or open the marriage!" aren't really thinking through the difficulties of those options. As far as open marriage, a) far, far more easily advised than broached, let alone done, speaking as one who had to convince a partner who felt betrayed by the mere suggestion, and b) it's not a magic bullet anyway.
6:30 PM LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
PS this is not an indictment of Mrs. B, I fucked up too in various ways.
6:29 PM LateBloomer commented on Savage Love.
Just a note to EricaP and Mr. Horton regarding the latter's predicament: successfully opening the marriage isn't necessarily the way to go either. I believe I have similar attitudes and assumptions about marriage as Mr. Horton does, and am in a similar situation. Mrs. Bloomer and I opened our marriage for awhile with as much honesty, respect and integrity as we could muster a few years back, and it was still a near-destructive roller coaster ride, so be wary. And the takeaway? Actually there were many, some I didn't want to learn about myself, some surprising or surprisingly positive, most worth the effort. But amongst other things, we learned that Mrs. Bloomer is far more irrationally possessive than she was willing to admit before we opened up. She was able to successfully ignore this (to her) unpleasant side of her personality when we were both dutifully monogamous and she was not put to the test, but when I finally did have a short-lived affair she tolerated it by the letter of the agreement but punished me with an icy and wounded indifference for months afterward. I don't believe she is proud of this behavior.

So the upshot for our marriage is that she now feels she has paid her dues, and can be that much more adamant and ruthless in demanding fidelity from me as we conform to her low sexual needs. Things are as they were before, with zero wiggle room now.

I understand open marriage does work for some, YMMV etc. Just my personal experience on open marriage failing to achieve what I hoped it would accomplish.
More...
Aug 7 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Reality Check.
Hey Chairman. I did indeed take some time away, but couldn't keep it up. I just had to see your wonderful ass again.
Aug 6 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Reality Check.
@12 -- On behalf of all the men who still enjoy life, I would like to thank you for remaining single.
Aug 5 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Gone Camping.
Funny how the betrayed so often over-react--at least according to the other two involved.

Mm. This popcorn is delicious.
Aug 2 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Gone Camping.
@192 -- You could almost call it...a triangle, maybe. This is getting interesting. Let me go rustle up some popcorn....
Jul 28 LateBloomer commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Gone Camping.
Hi nocute! To answer your question, in a word, meh. But it's very kind of you to ask. I gather from recent comments that things continue swimmingly for you. That's great to hear.
 

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