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Mar 1, 2013 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
This may have already been asked but if gynandromorphophiles are "lovers of males in the shape of females", what is the $20 word for "lovers of females in the shape of males"? As a hetero male my earliest heart throbs were tomboys and in adulthood my favorite lovers have been lesbians who aren't hung up on keeping their gold star untarnished. I often find myself scoping people I find attractive and wondering if they are a girl I might want to hit on or a guy who I would either embarrass or disappoint.
Mar 1, 2013 GQbd commented on In Which I Imagine Having a Sweet-Ass Rack.
I love me some righteous cleavage as much as any man, but every woman should know that her sexiest attribute is her smile. Turn it on, darlings, and brighten our day!

Y'all can write that down
Nov 28, 2012 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
I see all the arguments differentiating poly/monogamous and how that differs from being gay/straight/whatever and the whole orientation/identity thing - although my mind is spinning so much at the moment that I cannot tell you which is which. That said, however, I am old enough to remember a time when gay was considered a choice by most people and it was not a choice that many gay people felt socially empowered to act on and had to keep closetted instead. Dan's comments from last week and this week simply take me back to a much earlier way of viewing the world. That doesn't make him a bigot by any means. However, just as African-Americans should think before saying the LGBT community's blues are not the same as theirs, the LGBT community should consider long and hard before telling polies that our issues are not like theirs.
Nov 27, 2012 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
Maybe Dan can enlighten us further as to why poly is not an orientation. It seemed that his answer was very similar to what people have said for centuries about homo and bisexuality. It seems quite legitimate to say that that the vast majority of people seem to be wired for monogamy but some simply are not. Many polies suppress their sexuality to conform to social norms just as many homosexuals used to - and still do - suppress their sexuality to conform to social norms. Maybe there is a distinction but I'm not there yet.
Sep 20, 2012 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
Hear. Hear. Some guys can get wierd over getting what they tell their buddies they really want. My favorite relationships have almost always been with women who either did me or let me do them on the first date.
Sep 20, 2012 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
RANDY: I haven't read all of the comments yet so excuse me if this is redundant, but you might try offering to take a snowball once you come in her mouth. It does bespeak of commonality and all and might be seen as the kind of gesture that'll win you points. Then again, if the taste rather than thought of cum in her mouth that is the impediment, you might be SOL.

As for doggy style, you might try a position that gives her more clitoral stimulation, such as her straddling the corner of the mattress with a pillow between her legs. When it works it's been known to be quite popular.

And one last suggestion: try going down on your girl while she's buns up kneeling. Being done from that angle may open up a new world of possibilities in her mind. Throw in a little rimming and she may be game for anything you want. It may become her new favorite position
Mar 21, 2012 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
@ Crinoline: It is difficult to know whether there is actually an "understanding". Even if the wife is acquiescent it may be in terms of "I know you are but I really don't want to hear about it." I'm thinking of one of my fraternity brothers' fathers that I ran into in a sleazy pick-up bar back 30 years ago. None of us who knew him thought about it, or talked about it, but it wasn't a shock. In retrospect, we knew. How could his wife not know. That doesn't mean she wanted to have it thrown in her face, however.

And yes, you are right; those who cheat with you will definitely cheat on you. Which gets back to my first point: how much emotional attachment does this 21 year old really want? If he can come to terms with it really being about great sex - and great sex with someone you are really fond of does not mean that it has to be or will be a permanent or even an exclusive thing - then there is no reason that they cannot have an honest, caring relationship that has boundaries. Everyone is different and maybe HSL needs that emotional connection. I am simply suggesting that, based on my experience at 21 and what I see of my children's' contemporaries who are that age, it is easy and even common to relate to sexual partners outside of an exclusive supportive relationship.
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Mar 21, 2012 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
Dan's Advice to HSL is likely correct, and many if not most commenters seem to agree. However, I am wondering what HSL's expectations and desires are relationship-wise. He says that he wants more but at 21 does he want a committed, exclusive relationship? Or, realistically, is having his married dude as one of his regular lovers a viable option? I know how I was at 21 and monogamy and life partner was not a real high priority. Frankly, I think a 41 year old of any orientation should consider long and hard before deluding him or herself that a relationship with someone 20 years younger is something more than ephemeral.

Of course, there remains the question of the older guy's wife. I don't advocate anyone cheating with or cheating on someone else, but the wife may have reach an entente with her gay husband. It is not uncommon and, as the older dude said, if he's not doing it with HSL then he'll be doing it with someone else. If his wife knows and they have an understanding then it's not exactly cheating so HSL should not let that stand in his way.

In short, it seems to me that, given HSL's age and our lack of knowledge of the married guy's relationship with his wife, this situation is more nuanced that simply saying, "No."
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Dec 22, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
Excuse me Crinoline, I did not answer the question as it was asked, which is,as I understand it, should you pretend to want accommodate your partner with post coital cuddling even if you don't want to.

It seems to me that post coital cuddling is part of sex and something you do with your partner whether you want to or not; unless you are trying to send a message that is. I mean, I guess there are people who would rather dispense with the 10 or 20 bored minutes of foreplay, but those who feel that way have learned to keep those feelings to themselves. Then again, that's just me and I seriously like to cuddle.

Of course sometimes you can't cuddle, in which case good manners suggest some explanation like "Damn baby, you make me weak at the knees but I gotta get back to the office" along with a (sincere) promise to linger longer next time.
Dec 22, 2011 GQbd commented on Savage Love.
As a gross generalization, I think most guys would rather know that they are ineffective rather than be deceived. It is something that guys talk about but I suspect that that generalization may apply more to guys who know that they can be effective. As for women, I now realize that I have never discussed with my female friends whether they would want a girl to fake an orgasm for them or not.

That said, any misgivings about effectiveness is a touchy subject to bring up because you risk sending the message that you want faked orgasms.
 
 

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