Apr 12, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 286
With regard to the young woman who is constantly fighting off unwanted sexual touching from her cousin: I would advise this young lady to call victim's assistance in her local police department and explain what is happening and that she may need help. Then, she can write a brief letter explaining that she needs help: Cousin X is touching her inappropriately and forcing unwanted kisses upon her, she has repeatedly told him to stop and never encouraged him, and that she needs them to help her by not leaving her alone with him. Copy the letter and give it to Cousin X, to all female relatives and her father and to the police department. If you write it down, you can edit all the emotion out of it and you don't have to engage them. I have been in her shoes. When I finally "told" I was so surprised by the reaction I received. The way I approached it with the mom of the perv family member was "I hate to tell you this because I know this isn't how you raised him, but your son is kissing me and touching me when I keep telling him not to! I don't want you to tell him I talked to you, I don't want to get him in trouble, I just want your help -- could you please not leave me alone with him?" Of course his mom didn't say much to me about it, but she never left the two of us alone again. I don't think she got him the help he needed, but I was younger than your caller and hadn't yet developed the maturity to broach that topic.
Nov 15, 2011
commented on On Glitter, Transphobia, and Hate Speech
I love your work and admire you so much. Clearly, the glitter bomber was prepared to glitter bomb you and just couldn't wait to find an opportunity to do so. That was dumb. No one is a greater champion of people who are self-identified as, or perceived to be, anything other than vanilla heterosexuals.
Nov 1, 2011
commented on Savage Love Episode 263
Dan, two practical comments for the woman who was unsure about sex with her f-buddy while she has her period. 1) IF she wants to have sex but doesn't want to deal with the blood (or he doesn't) she can use a "soft cup" (www.softcup.com
) and there will be no bloody vagina 2) Cum in the hair following a blow job isn't necessarily a sign of doing it wrong. You have short hair; I have long hair. Trust me - a person with long hair can give great head and get cum in the long hair. (I suppose one solution is to put the long hair in a bun or at least tie it back, but I've actually used the no-rinse shampoo to take care of that.)
Oct 21, 2011
commented on Full Mental Jacket
And I thought i was the only one to have a rather shallow thought. I mean, should i really care what the candidates are wearing? Shouldn't I be focused on their philosophies and platforms? Well, no, because none of thosemean-spirited "hater" assholes are going to work well for America. So yes. Candidate Bachman's outfit was embarrassing and made e wish Michael Kors had been part of the commentary. But really, the whole debate was ugly festival of bad manners, and frightening scenarios for the country under any of the current crop of Republican candidates.
Oct 15, 2011
commented on Male Highschool Cheerleader Suspended, Kicked Off Squad For Same-Sex Kiss
The mail box was shut down. So, I sent my letter to the superintendent and it appears to have gone through:
Dear Superintendent Cavazos,
I have attempted to send email directly to Ms. Munoz but the email bounces back as "undeliverable."
This is what I want her, and you, to know.
Children across our country are being driven to suicide as a result of the bullying to which they are subject because they do not appear to be "straight." It is heartbreaking to realize how much of the bullying comes not from other students but from the very adults who are acting "in loco parentis."
Ms. Munoz' decision to remove a male cheerleader from cheer squad because he kissed a boy is reprehensible bigotry.
We are what is sometimes considered a "traditional" family in that we consist of male husband married lawfully to a female wife and we are the biological parents of a male 16-year-old who is attracted to girls and not to boys and a female 18-year-old who is attracted to boys and not to girls.
We would never entrust our children to a school at which Ms. Munoz held a position of power.
We are, in fact, horrified by her flagrant disregard for for the rules set forth by the school's student handbook, cheerleader handbook and "cheerleader constitution," let alone by her flagrant disregard for human dignity and decency.
If Ms. Munoz remains employed by the school district, we hope you ensure she receives the training and education she desperately needs.
In our opinion, Ms. Munoz should make a public apology and resign. She is an embarrassment to your school district and, having brought national attention to her hateful act, to the state of Texas (where we have enough trouble with our reputation).
We have read that your current cheerleading squad includes a young woman who is already a mother and another who is pregnant. We don't know if these girls engaged in the act of kissing, but we're relatively certain some intimate contact occurred. Ms. Munoz press statement, in which she claims that "Alice ISD does not discriminate against students in issuing discipline" is obviously inaccurate.
Sep 29, 2011
commented on Savage Love
I have cried for Jamey Rodemeyer, although I never met him, and for his parents' heartbreak. They obviously did as much as they thought they could for their child, who was in therapy. Too often, we hear that a person who has taken his own life "seemed better in the last few days." That is a potential warning sign.
Kids can be cruel, teachers and school administration are often complicit in the bullying because they are too busy to deal with the bullying or because they are themselves bigoted.
While I do hope for significant societal change and I believe in working toward that goal, I also believe that some children cannot stay at school where the bullying takes place as part of the day. Home schooling is a valid option and there are so many ways to home school now. Many states offer tuition free virtual schools and there are many other fine home schooling programs at a range of price tags. Being bullied isn't "character building;" it's demoralizing. Telling your child to "Stick it out and put up with it" is telling your child "the bullies are the normal ones, you are getting what you deserve."
My 16-year-old home schools. His social group is diverse in every sense of the word. I have never met nicer, more supportive or well-grounded teens as the kids in this close-knit group of 15 - 19 year olds who have so much fun learning from and with one another as well as engaging in the usual teen activities.
If the neighborhood kids are bullies, then monitor like crazy or move. If school is a toxic environment, change educational plans. If it's online bullying, insist for your child's protection that you have access to his / her account and monitor it.
It Gets Better. And there's no shame in making it better by removing the kid from a bad situation.
Sep 23, 2011
commented on Savage Love
"Earlabia" is funny. Dan's good with words and acronyms. If you're disturbed by a made-up up a word that has a bit of an erotic flavor, you are reading the wrong blog. Read something else and don't whine.
As for "Disturbed And Distressed" - politely ignore it the way you would an old lady's fart.
Personal computers are PERSONAL and people who are not accustomed to having a guest user and aren't very savvy about computers are gonna leave stuff available to snooping eyes. Get your own computer, use one at the public library if you aren't mature enough to be a polite computer guest or tell your dad that for his privacy and yours, you'd like for him to have a password protected user account and to give you a password protected user account because you don't want him to be embarrassed if you leave something embarrassing in your own search history on his computer.
Unless you've had uncomfortable incest-vibe from your dad, I would bet your dad is not thinking of you at all when he's watching incest-fantasy porn.
Jul 14, 2011
commented on Marcus Bachmann's Big Gay Problem
The most intelligent response I've seen to accusations that Dan is out of line came from a reader's post on Slate: Sorry, but Marcus Bachmann is bilking taxpayers to pay for torturing gay people who are in pain. He has lost any claim to comity on our part. He is the bully. The message here is just fine: "you mess with our kids/our people, you are a legitimate target." Dan Savage -- you rock.
Jun 11, 2011
joined My Stranger Face