May 30
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
Also, @seandr, a gym is different from a dance club. People go to the gym with the reasonable expectation not to be exposed to the squicky details of other people's private affairs.
May 30
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
@Friendstastegood, I though you were being obtuse in refusing to see the difference between a PDA showing couplehood/affection and an interaction showing what the couple likes to do in the bedroom.
I would compare that D/S interaction to a gay couple making some public gesture to clarify to uninterested bystanders who is the top and who is the bottom. Even as a gay man, I find that just as obnoxious. Even if you don't find it obnoxious, you'll have a hard time convincing me that it's classy.
I would compare that D/S interaction to a gay couple making some public gesture to clarify to uninterested bystanders who is the top and who is the bottom. Even as a gay man, I find that just as obnoxious. Even if you don't find it obnoxious, you'll have a hard time convincing me that it's classy.
May 30
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
@seandr: "But even if there were sexual undertones, if someone is getting their "jollies" from a consensual interaction that stays entirely within the bounds of socially acceptable public behavior (e.g., no visible hard-ons), and that interaction doesn't directly involve you, than you've got nothing to complain about."
You missed the point. It does involve me. The point of D/S couples acting out in public is precisely to get a thrill out of BYSTANDERS WITNESSING the humiliation of the sub. It's why they pay to go to clubs - now they're trying to catch a freeby off me. I don't need to read minds to know that, and neither do you, I suspect. Don't be disingenuous.
You missed the point. It does involve me. The point of D/S couples acting out in public is precisely to get a thrill out of BYSTANDERS WITNESSING the humiliation of the sub. It's why they pay to go to clubs - now they're trying to catch a freeby off me. I don't need to read minds to know that, and neither do you, I suspect. Don't be disingenuous.
May 30
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
@MrSexyDevilPants, rudeness is not illegal. However, it is still, well, rude.
May 30
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
@Friendstastegood, 1. of course it is, you are being purposely obtuse and disingenuous, 2. it is rude when other couples do so too, e.g., obnoxious possessive gestures in front of disinterested bystanders, or teenagers acting out by making out out in front of people is rude, because it involves innocent bystanders in their own issues.
May 30
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
@seandr: "If someone wants to be stared at by his partner in the gym while he's doing his workout, why the fuck should I care? Same goes for shoe tying."
No, it's different. The point of their conduct is to be seen by others. They get their jollies from innocent bystanders' witnessing of their master/slave situation. As soon as you start using uninvolved and unwilling people for your jollies, you are crossing a line.
No, it's different. The point of their conduct is to be seen by others. They get their jollies from innocent bystanders' witnessing of their master/slave situation. As soon as you start using uninvolved and unwilling people for your jollies, you are crossing a line.
May 29
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
@CorporateCake, well said.
I would formulate this in terms of "involuntary recruitment" of innocent bystanders. I would feel that the shoelace-tiers were recruiting me involuntarily into their scenario, assuming (which I think is accurate) that being dom/sub in front of people contributes to their titillation. It's a kind of quasi-sexual coercion of an uninvolved party. I shouldn't have to leave my gym to avoid being involved in others' sex.
I would formulate this in terms of "involuntary recruitment" of innocent bystanders. I would feel that the shoelace-tiers were recruiting me involuntarily into their scenario, assuming (which I think is accurate) that being dom/sub in front of people contributes to their titillation. It's a kind of quasi-sexual coercion of an uninvolved party. I shouldn't have to leave my gym to avoid being involved in others' sex.
May 23
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
When I was 14 and still exploring my sexuality a bit, during a make-out session with my girlfriend, she asked me to fondle her breasts. As I was doing that, she had THE NERVE to have an orgasm. Once I understood what had happened I felt violated. It was not consensual and it is still painful for me to recall, and I often panic during sex today as a result. It's now ten years later and while I don't intend to notify the police to prosecute her for rape, I do need closure and an apology. How can I contact her in a way that's appropriate without having to see her?
May 22
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
What if the poor guy has had a lifelong problem with premature ejaculation since the trauma of that day. Being contacted and shamed for it now would just be so wrong.
May 22
cockyballsup commented on Savage Love.
I simply don't get the assumption, encouraged by Dan, that there's anything in the case of LW1 deserving of apology or "closure." If she was okay with the grinding, the guy didn't need permission from her to come in his own pants, accidentally or not. The idea insults his autonomy, and if the sexes were reversed there would be all kinds of remarks to the effect that men should not be in charge of a woman's sexual autonomy, yet when a woman wants control of a man's, suddenly she is taken seriously. The whole idea of visiting this loopy idea on him so many years after the fact is terrible, and nothing good can come of it.
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