commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Can I Book a Session With My Friend The Sex Worker?
@Urgutha Forka: Sex work is like some other jobs, but it is not like any other job. I would say sex work is not like being a mechanic or a gardener. It is much, much more like being a doctor or a massage therapist or someone else who works directly with naked bodies. I think a lot of doctors avoid having friends as patients for pretty similar reasons that a sex worker would not want to have a friend as a client. For example, it would not be weird to hire your brother-in-law to work on your car or mow your lawn, but it would definitely be weird to have your brother-in-law as the person who does your pap smear or your breast exam. People whose work involves nudity have a very different kind of work than the vast majority of service providers, and stuff that would be normal in professions that don't involve body work is very weird in those professions that do.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Punting
I don't know if this is a DTMFA situation, but it might be. On the one hand, Urgutha Forka is right: he might think of this rule as arbitrary and her anger at him strange, because he doesn't really understand what the difference is for her between abstractly knowing that your partner might be fucking someone else while you're gone and being presented with evidence that your partner cancelled plans in order to fuck someone else. Frankly, I'm not entirely sure which one is upsetting her more: the fact that he was throwing evidence of fucking someone else in her face, or the fact that he cancelled plans with her to spend time with someone else. Either one is totally legit, but if we can't tell from this long letter, I think maybe she hasn't communicated with him well enough which thing is the red line for her.
On the other hand, he knew what the rules were and willfully broke them. Even if he thought that they were weird and arbitrary rules, he knew he was breaking them and that she would find out that he'd broken them and he had to have known she'd at least be upset, even if he didn't know what level of upset she'd be. It's at the very least a sign of immaturity (if you don't like the rules, you should try to renegotiate them, not act out), and possibly a sign of major assholery.
Basically, I think she should make sure that he thoroughly understands WHY she's upset. He needs to understand what, exactly, that rule is for, why it's in place, and why she's mad now that he broke the rule. If she determines that he really understands, I think she should keep him if he apologizes profusely and agrees to abide by the rules (which they may need to renegotiate), but dump him if he is not abject. If he can't understand why this is a hard line for you, he's not empathetic enough to be your mate.
Feb 5, 2015
commented on SL Letter of the Day: My Boss Is a Married Lady and I'm Not a Single Lady—Should I Fuck Her Anyway?
@7: For the record, my parents were subordinate and boss when they started dating. In fact, my dad was only separated from his first wife at the time, not divorced. My mom found a job at another company partly because they started dating. They were married for 24 years before my dad died. They were very happy together.
However, there is a certain way that people who are a couple should behave when they are at work, and part of that is never, EVER flirting at work. This doesn't work so well when you're having a clandestine affair and most of the time that you can see each other is at work, because it essentially means no flirting. I work at the same company as my fiance, and if we talk to each other at work, it's strictly professional or logistical (I'm leaving, should I pick up anything on my way home?). We also don't go out of our way to see each other at work. I don't think this is something you can pull off if your time after work together is super limited.
Jan 18, 2015
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Violating New Rules
@50: Yeah, that is certainly what it reads like, isn't it?
I think there have been a lot of good points in this comment thread. I'm with the crowd who thinks that she actually thought she was following the rules by calling to ask before actually sleeping with the guy. Also, I think her horny brain probably said "call before the guy eats me out, call after... is there really that big of a difference?" and decided "No" because it was more convenient.
And honestly, the amount he is flipping out seems out-of-proportion to the offense. I think he's either flipping out because he didn't think it would actually happen and didn't really think his permission through, or there are other problems in the relationship that are causing him to give this more weight. I honestly think it's probably the former, but I understand why some people think it's the latter.
Jan 8, 2015
commented on Gentrifying While Black
@25: Honestly? Yes, if we're talking about good jobs. It might not be directly from one of those people, but generally, the jobs you get are the ones where you or someone you know already knows someone who works at the company. The way most private sector companies fill their positions goes something like this:
1) Open position up to current employees.
2) Tell employees to pass along resumes of people they know and can vouch for.
3) Open position up to limited public lists (university recruitment sites, for example)
4) Open position up to general public.
These steps stop as soon as the company finds someone they like. If they like a current employee for the position, the chain stops there. If their employees vouch for someone they like, the job never gets beyond the current employees' range of connections. This is the entire reason why some universities have frats that produce a disproportionate number of rich and powerful people, by the way. The old members, who've gotten to be rich and powerful, tend to want to hire someone from their old frat, and so those people become rich and powerful, etc. It's really only the low-end private sector and normal government jobs that are not gotten through at least the friends of one's friends and family.
Jan 6, 2015
commented on I, Anonymous
Ugh, why does anyone think that this woman was "just trying to make small talk"? She basically said "I think your boyfriend is taking too long to propose to you." Even if the relationship were going really well, that's super awkward. It's even worse when they're not engaged for very good reasons.
@18: The article you cite mentions a perfectly good way to get a conflict-free diamond: get one that's man-made, not mined. A lot of ethical people are fine with vintage stones, as diamonds don't really change much and if people were exploited while they were mined, it was a very long time ago and there's not much you can do about it now.
Dec 3, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Zoning Violation
@38: While I agree with you, I at least hope you acknowledge that some of us can't help but "dress sexy" because clothes that are demure on normal people look "sexy" on large-breasted women. Also, if you're staring overlong, I hope you're embarrassed when the woman brings it to your attention. Not traumatized for life, but suitably embarrassed.