myStrangerFace Not enough like Twitter.

alguna_rubia

Refresh

12:09 PM yesterday alguna_rubia commented on Savage Love.

Early teens are difficult- I feel a lot of empathy for this girl, actually. When I was in eighth grade (13 or 14, I don't remember which), I was freak-dancing with a guy for the first time, and apparently I did too good of a job, because he came in his pants. He was super mortified, but so was I, and I didn't freak with anyone else for 6 years because it was a little traumatizing. The fact is, while the early teens are when you start feeling a lot like you want to do sexual things, you also have some residual disgust at those things- I distinctly remember having discussions with my girlfriends about how gross blowjobs seemed. Maybe that's the sex negativity in the culture, maybe it's the fear of the other gender, I don't know. And in a lot of ways, imagining jizz or dealing with it obliquely by noticing it through a guy's pants is a lot worse than dealing with the reality. At least if you were doing an activity that was SUPPOSED to lead to ejaculation, you'd expect it, you'd brace yourself for it, and you'd probably find out that it's not nearly as weird as you thought it was going to be.

So yes, she should get over it, but all the people who are going "oh this is perfectly normal and I can't believe she felt so weird about this" are thinking about it without filtering it through an insecure 14-year-old's mind. She's probably matured in most other ways, but this one aspect is keeping her back.

More...

May 19 alguna_rubia commented on It's Spring! Who's Ready for Street Harassment?.

@196: I think this thread has had a major breakdown of communication.

From what I understand, Misanthrope, you think that "nice tits" is a dickish thing for a guy to say to a random woman, but we are never going to eliminate assholes so women should work on practical solutions for what they do when random men tell them they have nice tits. Because you personally haven't really dealt with this particular dynamic, you haven't had the fun of finding out that when a random guy comes up and compliments a girl on anything appearance based (even if it's as innocuous as "I like your earrings"), accepting the compliment with a 'thanks' is taken as encouragement to keep talking to her.

The rest of the posters in this thread have basically been exasperated with you for saying what the women should do when asshole men do this, because you believe the men are not going to stop. They have characterized this as "defending" the assholes' right to say these things, which I don't personally believe is your goal.

I do, however, think you have missed a point that has been implied in some of these posts, although not particularly emphasized. While not all asshole-ish behavior can be entirely eliminated, there's no reason it can't be significantly reduced. There was a time in this country when people openly told racist jokes in front of minorities in a way that was clearly designed to demean them. Now there are very few people who do that- there are still assholes, but their assholery has gotten quieter and more tentative because most people will heap social fury upon them.

I believe that bringing up these instances and making non-asshole men understand how unfortunate it is to go through this on a regular basis is the point here. I mean, the advice to a black person who hears a racist tell a racist joke is for them to try to not let it get to them. But meanwhile, the rest of us should be trying to create a society in which this is an incredibly rare incident. That's the point of this post. Women want help from all the non-asshole men in heaping social shame on guys who say creepy things to us. Racists were never going to stop telling racist jokes in public because black people told them not to- it took the negative judgment of their fellow whites to get them to withdraw.

More...

May 16 alguna_rubia commented on SL Letters of the Day: Just Say No to DSGs.

I've been thinking about this since the last thread, and I've determined that it's not actually the DSGs who are at fault for the annoying effects their behavior has on me. It's ultimately the fault of straight men. When straight guys ogle and hit on me when I'm making out with a girl, the problem is that they are ogling me and hitting on me, and that is their fault. I kind of blamed DSGs for training straight men to assume that this behavior is okay, but now I've figured out that I've got it backwards: if straight guys didn't do this, DSGs would mostly stop making out with each other to attract straight men because the men wouldn't be ogling them or hitting on them!

So straight guys, I don't care if you enjoy watching me make out with a girl when I'm in a public place, but don't leer at me and don't hit on me. It's fine if you watch in a respectful way from a respectful distance, but don't come up to me while I'm otherwise occupied. If you want to hit on me, please wait until the making out is over; if it doesn't end, THEN WE PROBABLY DON'T WANT YOU INVOLVED.

May 15 alguna_rubia commented on No, Starbucks, No.

@9: Where did they give you a twist of lemon with espresso? I've been to a lot of places in Europe, but I've never seen that. I've also had a lot of good European coffee, and personally, that sounds like it would ruin it for me.

May 15 alguna_rubia commented on Savage Love.

Just to add, I don't think it's a hugely important problem, but it's definitely one I come up against more often than I'd like...

May 15 alguna_rubia commented on Savage Love.

Yeah, other people have said it, but basically my problem with drunk straight girls making out to attract men is that it often causes straight guys to think that ALL girls who are making out are trying to attract them and therefore want to be ogled and hit on while they're clearly occupied with someone else. It's pretty annoying.

May 11 alguna_rubia commented on SL Letter of the Day: I'm Out.

I hate the word cunt. I think it's an ugly word with an ugly history of usage. The way it is used in non-American countries is irrelevant to its usage by Americans, as I see it. If you are likely to be overheard by strangers, you should not use it. If you among friends who you KNOW FOR A FACT are not offended by your ironic usage of it, then you can use it with them.

May 11 alguna_rubia commented on The Fight Against Small Apartments.

I have no dog in this fight, since I don't even live in Seattle, but maybe those of you who are opposed to these projects on basis of quality of life should notice that all the comments on this thread from people who have actually lived in aPodments have been positive. Also, I can imagine myself living in a place like this when I graduate from college.

May 10 alguna_rubia commented on Tesla the Beautiful.

@29: Yeah, I can't wait until we finally get with the program and make national high-speed rail a priority. Or get true budget airlines, like Ryanair. I'm getting spoiled from living in Europe right now...

May 10 alguna_rubia commented on How Sexist Are Book Covers?.

@4: I think the point is that the "male" covers are NOT off-putting for men or women, but that the "female" covers are. As in, the female-ized covers of the male authors' books are there to demonstrate the kinds of covers that would make those books be read by a mostly female audience, rather than attracting "mainstream" readers.