commented on SL Letter of the Day: Over & Out
Well, I'm sorry for all the people who's parents divorced when they were children and it negatively effected them. Certainly, depending on circumstances, divorce can be devastating for some children.
But it can be good for others.
My parents divorced when I was 10. I remember my mother telling me and I remember exactly what went through my head. I thought to myself that I needed to act upset because I knew that was what everyone expected. I knew I couldn't express how relieved and happy I was.
At 10 I hated coming home. I dreaded my father getting home from work. He wasn't mean to us kids at all, but when he walked through the door the entire mood of the house turned dark. About once a week my parents would end up in a screaming match with each other, and I remember hiding in my room covering my ears so I would hear what they were shouting at each other.
Life was one giant ball of ongoing tension and despair until they split up. It wasn't the most amicable divorce, but it wasn't the most contentious either. There were some very hard times afterwards, but even at the worst it was better than before. And I feel the adversity of that time made me a stronger and more independent person.
I had several friends who's parents divorced as well over the years. Most of them turned out fine as well.
So my heart goes out to those who did not fare well when their parents divorced. But they don't represent all of us. For some of is it was an improved situation.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Should I Stay Or Should I Go Dominate Other Men For Money?
All I can say is that someone who can't break up with her boyfriend when she clearly wants to, but instead has to resort to passive aggressive BS to get him to break up with her might want to rethink a career as a dominatrix.
I can't see a passive/aggressive dominatrix being very successful. They are usually expected to be a bit more direct and take-charge about things.
commented on Confidential to Tom Rasmussen
Tom made a stupid assumption that anyone following him is a supporter. Terry helped him see the light.
See, Terry was just doing his good deed for the day by giving someone an real world education on how Twitter and the Internet actually work.
commented on Dress Codes? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Dress Codes!
It's very possible to dress comfortably without dressing like a slob.
Although I think people should have the right to dress like a slob if they want, I think it displays a lack of self respect, and lack of respect to those around them. Suit and tie are not necessary, but that doesn't mean you should go out looking like you just rolled out of bed.
So yes, dress how you like. You should have the right to dress like a slob any place you go. But the rest of us have the right to judge you negatively for it. Not get in your face, or be rude to you, but that degree of lack of respect for your surroundings and the people in them tells me that you aren't someone I want to associate with.
There are all sorts of ways a person can come into the money to afford eating out at nice restaurants, go to concerts and plays, and do all sorts of things. But very little can be done to give some class to someone who inherently lacks it.
commented on Savage Love
@106 mostly harp, but sometimes harp with other instruments.
If you just want a concept of what the Salzedo method entails this interview with Yolanda Kondonasis gives a good feel. Her whole website is a good resource.
You won't find much on the nuts and bolts of the method online, just general descriptions of what is unique from other methods. For an actual pedagogic description you need to reference the actual literature. Modern study of the harp by Salzedo. Method for the Harp and The Art of Modulation by Salzedo and Lawrence. And On Playing the Harp by Kondonasis.
My teacher was a student of Salzedo and Lawrence so I am an avowed proponent of the Salzedo method.
commented on Savage Love
I find this discussion of writing circles interesting and mildly amusing. I think it's safe to say that some people get a lot of out of these things, but many people, including a lot of professional writers, really don't need it.
People can say Dan is wrong and that these things are essential, but then how many books have those folks sold and how many has Dan sold? Clearly Dan doesn't go to writing circles, yet he has several really good books under his belt.
As a musician who composes I am of the school of thought that what makes art different from craft is that art says something. And personally I can't imagine how I can create something that says what I want it to say if I am constantly listening to other people tell me what I am doing wrong.
Input is one thing. Certainly, after I think something is finished I have a very few trusted ears I let review it, but all I am concerned with is not their critique but if what I am tying to say is what they are getting when they hear it. If not then I know I need to go back and refine and fix what ever is getting in the way. But as much as I trust these people I really don't care what they think of the work itself. Only if it is effectively conveying what I want it to. That is the technique, but the content has to come from only me or it isn't my art any longer.
For people who don't have mastery of their craft, and are lacking in their technique, then some guidance can be very helpful (although many folks can develop good technique on their own given time). That can be a circle or a professor, or a private tutor, or just paying attention to, an studying what the people who do have good technique have created. But once you have mastered your instrument (be it a musical instrument, pen, paint brush or what ever) then it is up to you and damn the circles, teachers and critics.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Lost Boy
Dear PinkieB, I don't believe you, and I am just being honest.
What? Only Christians are allowed to express their sincerely held beliefs? Sorry, the road goes both ways. If Christians are allowed to fuck up their kids like the letter writer's ex, then the rest of us are allowed to express our opinions of what they do.
That they do it in the name of religion does not give them a free pass or make them immune to criticism.
And being called an ass by an imbecile like you is actually a compliment. I'd be worried if you agreed with me or liked me. If you did I would probably have to re-evaluate my whole life.
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Lost Boy
Poor PinkieB and her fellow persecuted Christians who make up the vast majority of the population of the US.
No one called the boy evil. He is deluded and hanging around him will be bad for the OP. That's not evil, it's just the truth.
Trust me, we all feel sorry for the kid for having been twisted by what ever religious indoctrination he was forced to undergo as a child. I don't think anyone hates him. But as far as the OP is concerned this guy is bad news just the same.
I have compassion for him, but he isn't the one who wrote in to Dan, now is he? It's the guy he has been dicking around, misleading and basically using that wrote in to Dan, and it is to him that the advice is directed.
If the other boy wants to write in I will not hesitate to express my sympathy for having been twisted into such a state by the whims of his parents and community without regard for his actual well being and future. And my advice to him would be to either find another, gay friendly, church and stop trying to be something he is not, or just abandon Christianity all together, which overall I honestly consider the better option.
And then just like the OP here, he can take that advice or ignore it, and the consequences are his own.