commented on Savage Love Episode 337
Cuccinelli (n) - the act of performing cunnilingus in a daintily, apprehensive manner, such as how a closeted gay male would struggle through performing such an act.
commented on Savage Love Episode 334
Defending Gilberto Valle as being a victim of persecution just makes me insane.
This man had dosiers on his potential targets, he used police databases to gain non-public information about a woman, chatted online with another individual about potentially kidnapping a woman for him, scoped out women's locations and neighborhoods ... these aren't acts of innocent fantasies. Those are steps in committing a crime.
Enger says he doesn't see how going to brunch along with his wife and kid with one of the objects of his "fantasy" would in any way be beneficial or deemed surveilance. You know, besides scoping out the layout of her home and neighborhood, find out who is in her life and who she has regular contact with, etc. etc. etc. Yeah, nothing to gain at all.
This isn't "Minority Report" - He wasn't found guilty of murder; he's guilty of conspiracy, which was clearly obvious to the prosecution and jury.
Would it take a tortured, dead woman to make Engber see what this man was capable of? We're so quick to blame police/government/society when something devastating happens that could have been prevented because the "signs" were there - 9/11, school shootings, murders where neighbors are interviewed saying "I never felt quite right about him"...but when it's done right and a crime that was being planned out is thwarted, now it's "Oh he was just thinking about it! Poor man!"? Please.
commented on Savage Love Episode 333
I wouldn't ever dream of telling my parents or step-parents "F#ck you" and getting away with it. A parent that has raised and loved you and been a part of your life deserves a certain amount of respect regardless of if you're mad or not.
My parents divorced when I was 6 (one cheated on the other). Neither would tolerate us kids saying anything disparaging about the other parent, no matter how hurt or upset they were at each other.
commented on Savage Love Episode 332
I'm not sure how much more evidence Engber is waiting for. To call the "cannibal cop" trial unfair when this man made detailed plans involving REAL PEOPLE, and conspired with someone online to possibly kidnap a woman for that other person...that's not fantasy roleplay.
Should you be arrested and convicted about fantasizing/thinking about a real person?, including the cannibalistic and murderous fantasies? Of course not. Having blueprints, word files, outlines, and records of communication talking about acting on these thoughts? Come on.
This isn't a "Minority Report" case where he hadn't even taken steps to commit a crime - this guy was a ticking bomb.
Nov 13, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 316
Agree with #1 - I think Dan got this call wrong.
This woman doesn't share mutual friends with the caller and seemingly isn't in the same social circles since he wasn't worried about her spreading details of their date, his behavior, etc. around. So just "showing her how he really is" won't work in this case, unless he started stalking her, which would be bad. And even if she was in his social circle, him pretending it never happened would come across as him not realizing drunk groping was wrong.
Text this woman! Tell her that you know it may be too little too late, but you felt like you made a horrible impression and are very sorry for your actions, and if she ever wants to try it again you're available. I think the fact that it's 6 months after the fact actually works in your favor: it doesn't come across as you desperately wanting in her pants like it would if this were the next day. Instead, it sounds like you've reflected over this and you truly feel bad for how that night went down, which you do.
Good luck, bud!
Oct 31, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 314
Okay, ant guy thought he was Vincent Price ... was a little creeped out at his voice more than the actual story. Ants appearing is more disgusting than scary.
I'm going to side with "kill joy" #10 - I enjoy listening to Dan give advice/knock some sense into people more than strangers (sometimes badly) recount gross stories.
Apr 25, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 288
It is enough, Bryan. I don't think Dan was saying you need to be militant about it, but just not HIDE it.
Sounds like we're in the same boat - I mention my boyfriend at work casually, and there's a picture of us together sitting on my desk there. When people talk about significant others, I don't become silent or hesitant - I throw out any relevant anecdote or comment just as if I were dating a woman. I don't make a production out of it, my gayness isn't on my resume, etc. - I just live without shame.
In some instances, I think that helps more than being super radical and getting in people's faces about sexuality. As it was said on the podcast, if someone KNOWS a gay/lesbian/bi/trans person, they're less likely to be a bigoted Ahole, and less likely to vote against our rights. Once you attach the face and name of someone you get along with and care about to a label, people tend to look past that label and get over any ignorance or prejudice. They (hopefully) end up caring more about the person(s) and that supercedes any ridiculous bigotry.
Apr 19, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 287
Dan, I normally am pretty spot on with you...but saying a woman is unreasonable because she finds it odd a guy she's been flirting/conversing with flat out refuses to get a friggin' STI test before they hook up because he CLAIMS he always uses condoms ... that just seems crazy to me.
I get it if it's a one night stand, met-you-at-the-bar-tonight type hookup ... it'd be pretty odd to force them to take an STI test before you round 2nd base. But these two have been sort of planning this encounter for a while, and if you have the time, why NOT practice safe sex?
If he refuses to get a test for such a flakey reason ("I KNOW it will come back negative") then I don't think he's worth banging. How selfish is he going to be in other aspects if he's such a jerk about going to get tested with this girl?
Apr 19, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 286
@44 That would make sense if he ever said "no" to her, which he didn't. When she started exhibiting behavior he found creepy, he just stopped talking to her...I don't remember him mentioning he told her to never contact him again, stay out of his life, yadda yadda.
If he flat out told her "no, I don't want to see you any more" and she waited for a moment of weakness and pounced...yeah, sounds like rape. Starting to ignore a girl because she's creeping you out and never addressing it with her, then getting drunk at a party and answering her call, telling her where you are and how to get there, and then getting in her car, back to her place, and (supposedly) have sex with her, wake up the next morning and can't remember....yeah, I'm not backing down - it sounds like gray area.
Apr 12, 2012
commented on Savage Love Episode 286
@40 and you're quick to label someone a rapist based on minimal information.
I merely outlined how the case would probably look for a legal perspective. Guy gets plastered, answers a call from a girl he doesn't want anything to do with, yet is able to be coherant enough to let her know the address he is at. Anything past that is a mystery - no one but this girl knows if she herself was sober, if she knew he was that drunk, if he did or did not consent in the moment, etc.
From the caller's account, this woman makes him uncomfortable and doesn't seem to catch a hint that he wants nothing to do with her, but there's still a ways to go before you can round her up to a rapist.