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Aug 10 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
If you're going to go the adoption route, consult with an attorney. You might be unable to put a child up for adoption without the consent of both parents, which the guy might refuse to give. He's already shown himself to be untrustworthy and willing to hurt someone he said he loved. You may be legally unable to surrender your child without your ex's permission.
Aug 9 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
To add to the horror stories of what vindictive exes can do when you have a child:

You can't refuse them custody or visitation due to them not paying child support.

In some states, cohabitation can be grounds for loss of custody of your child. Or if they're a complete asshole, as my ex was, they can claim that even having a same sex roommate, sleepover, guest, or occasional visitor is grounds for loss of custody (this being because my ex claimed I might be bisexual).

In some states, remarrying causes you to lose child support payments, but doesn't remove your ex's custodial rights.

Just ... really, think this through. It's very rarely a happily ever after. At least in my state, the legal system is deliberately and intentionally designed to make it difficult to navigate a divorce or failing to stay together to raise their child. The prevailing view is that people should be punished for splitting.
Aug 9 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
If you do chose to abort, attempt to get him to pay for as much of it as possible. He's already sticking you with the medical procedure by HIS choice to back out. Make him pay for that choice, if only a little. Point out to him the huge advantage he gets by paying you a few hundred dollars now as opposed to thousands or tens of thousands of child support plus court costs/lawyer's fees down the road. This is not a time to shoulder the cost yourself or suggest a 50/50 split.
Aug 8 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Rest of the Story.
@1 - I was wondering that, too.
Jul 5 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Taking a Break, Breaking a Heart, Casting a Ballot.
"The end of this letter got super squicky. Gun ownership + implied threat of retaliation. Gee, I wonder why this chick would choose a less-direct way of getting this guy out of her life?"

Yeah. And then pair that up with his off-hand attempt to blackmail Dan. If that's an accurate picture of how he treats everyone, then I don't blame her for looking for the door. Carefully.
May 6 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Bonus Advice for WWWM & VIRGN.
Hey now ... juijitsu is **important**!!
Feb 2 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Crying Game.
On the other hand, @40, do you really want to leave your kids (especially with one in diapers) in the care of someone who claims to find diapers and infants sexually arousing?

Now, I don't think he's actually pedophilic, because clearly taking care of a 9 month old baby, or the toddler that baby will be in a few months, is the polar opposite of the abnegation of responsibility that gets him off. But as a mother, it's a concern that would be in my mind regardless.
Jan 16 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: I Wanna Fuck This Guy I Work With—Should I Do It?.
Don't forget about the effect this will have on your employment if and when it blows up. Because 9 times out of 10, it does blow up. Either one or both partners will find out and cause a ruckus, or you'll decide to leave one or both partners to be with one another. Only that rare one in ten happens where the two of you part ways amicably with no one the wiser (except maybe you two).

So for the majority of those times, yeah, one or more relationships are going to be torpedoed. Maybe you're okay with that. What I'm asking is for you to consider the effect to your pocketbook when the fallout hits your employment. Because if I were your boss, I'd try to reassign or fire one or both of you immediately if I knew you were making out, flirting, and pursuing a relationship while on the job. It's incredibly unprofessional for most workplaces. And more likely, I'd just fire whichever one of you was the worst employee - problem solved.

Are you prepared to be the reason why your friend doesn't have a job? Are you prepared to be jobless? I would strongly suggest you both get your resumes together and start job hunting. Splitting up during work means 1) you (and your friend's) livelihood is no longer at risk, and 2) you'll find out if the infatuation is due to proximity rather than this 'connection' you've felt. You might find yourself looking at the budding relationship with new eyes when you're not working with this guy more hours than you spend with your steady.
Nov 12, 2015 Gamebird commented on Models to Feel Bad For.
Yes, this is what the flying monkeys exist for - to make it clear to the powers that be that some shit is offensive and we'd like them to knock it off.
Sep 1, 2015 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Arms and the Man (Who Treated You Like Shit).
Here's another vote for the 'learn your lesson; grow up and move on'. Do not contact her in any way. You guys split under bad conditions and you share nothing now - not friends, not a zip code, not even the same state from what you say. All you've got together is bad memories. Let it go. Move on.