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Sep 28 Gamebird commented on Savage Love.
Did anyone else get the vibe from LW1 that he actually gets off on the humiliation of his girlfriend finding out and being angry with him?
Sep 27 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Practically Married and Completely Sexless—And Want It To Stay That Way.
LW needs to have these discussions (open relationship, divorce, couples counselor, etc) with her partner BEFORE he has surgical alteration to please her.
Sep 11 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Your Pussy Had a Plan.
My experience with a man who sounds similar to the dude the LW hooked up with (except in my case I married him and endured 17 years of abuse), is that he thought my role in the relationship was to do my best to conform to his fantasies. This applied even when those were contradictory or logistically impossible, such as to earn all the money for the household, but still allow or enable him to believe he was the breadwinner and head of household ... or ... do all the housework, meal prep, and take care of small children, yet still be available at all times to listen to his stories, play games with him, go places spontaneously, and show interest in whatever he fancied. He didn't worry himself working out how these things he wanted were to be accomplished and honestly, I believe he was pleased to constantly have me in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't bind. It gave him a convenient excuse for the emotional abuse, manipulation, and humiliation.

He was 16 years my senior.

LW - please take Dan's advice to heart. Dump this guy. He's not for you and he never will be. He's for himself. And while you shouldn't expect someone else to live for you, you have nothing to apologize for in living your own life.
Aug 30 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: My Girlfriend Lives With Her Ex-Boyfriend And That's Not The Problem.
Count yourself lucky that you found out where you stood with her at this point and not, like, later on when you had more than a few feels invested.
Aug 30 Gamebird commented on Shut Up About Trigger Warnings....
I'm on board with some kind of content thing. It's like that website that tells you if the dog dies at the end of the movie. I might want to know that going in (or choose not to see that movie if that's what happens). I can't exactly watch a trailer about a written work (or most linked videos), so something up front that gives a description of what I'm about to get into it is helpful.
Aug 10 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
If you're going to go the adoption route, consult with an attorney. You might be unable to put a child up for adoption without the consent of both parents, which the guy might refuse to give. He's already shown himself to be untrustworthy and willing to hurt someone he said he loved. You may be legally unable to surrender your child without your ex's permission.
Aug 9 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
To add to the horror stories of what vindictive exes can do when you have a child:

You can't refuse them custody or visitation due to them not paying child support.

In some states, cohabitation can be grounds for loss of custody of your child. Or if they're a complete asshole, as my ex was, they can claim that even having a same sex roommate, sleepover, guest, or occasional visitor is grounds for loss of custody (this being because my ex claimed I might be bisexual).

In some states, remarrying causes you to lose child support payments, but doesn't remove your ex's custodial rights.

Just ... really, think this through. It's very rarely a happily ever after. At least in my state, the legal system is deliberately and intentionally designed to make it difficult to navigate a divorce or failing to stay together to raise their child. The prevailing view is that people should be punished for splitting.
Aug 9 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Worst Breakup Story Ever.
If you do chose to abort, attempt to get him to pay for as much of it as possible. He's already sticking you with the medical procedure by HIS choice to back out. Make him pay for that choice, if only a little. Point out to him the huge advantage he gets by paying you a few hundred dollars now as opposed to thousands or tens of thousands of child support plus court costs/lawyer's fees down the road. This is not a time to shoulder the cost yourself or suggest a 50/50 split.
Aug 8 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Rest of the Story.
@1 - I was wondering that, too.
Jul 5 Gamebird commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Taking a Break, Breaking a Heart, Casting a Ballot.
"The end of this letter got super squicky. Gun ownership + implied threat of retaliation. Gee, I wonder why this chick would choose a less-direct way of getting this guy out of her life?"

Yeah. And then pair that up with his off-hand attempt to blackmail Dan. If that's an accurate picture of how he treats everyone, then I don't blame her for looking for the door. Carefully.