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Thursday, March 10, 2011


Posted by on Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 11:31 AM

A friend who works downtown just found an ipod in a men's restroom in an office building. He was going to return it to the security desk, but then he scrolled through its contents and found, among other things, a stockpile of Rush Limbaugh podcasts, NRA podcasts (who knew those existed?), Kottonmouth Kings, and Fountains of Wayne.

My friend does not have an iPod. Now, because of the owner's obvious political leanings and questionable taste in music, he's considering keeping this one, which he scavenged in a public restroom. "I would buy new ear buds," he says.

UPDATE: My friend says he'll wait until 5:00 p.m. today, at which point he'll adhere to the majority rule of anonymous pollsters.


Comments (40) RSS

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marymc 1
Even if the owner is an asshole, by keeping it, you become another one. The world has enough assholes already.
Posted by marymc on March 10, 2011 at 11:53 AM · Report this
Kottonmouth Kings in combination with everything else put it over the edge.

Wipe it. Congrats on your new ipod!
Posted by he probably stole it anyways on March 10, 2011 at 11:54 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 3
Only robbers take what isn't theirs. And karma is a very powerful thing.

But that doesn't mean you can't reset it to factory settings.

(You can get Limbaugh in a podcast? Who knew? I would think his audience was too old and too stupid to handle something like that.)
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on March 10, 2011 at 11:55 AM · Report this
Aurophobia 4
The owner may be an asshole, but why would you want to be that asshole who keeps an iPod that could easily be returned to it's owner.
Posted by Aurophobia on March 10, 2011 at 11:55 AM · Report this
I agree w/ #1 - stealing other peoples shit is just wrong. We have to lead by example in this world.

I suppose he could wipe it clean first though...
Posted by invictus on March 10, 2011 at 11:58 AM · Report this
orino 6
Wow. This is a conversation 7th graders usually have...
Posted by orino on March 10, 2011 at 11:59 AM · Report this
Those aren't the only two choices. Here's a few more for your consideration:

C) Donate it to a toy drive, a PAL raffle, or a charity that gives stuff to children in hospitals.

D) Sell it on eBay and give the money to Planned Parenthood

E) Smash it with a sledgehammer and sprinkle the bits back in the restroom where you found it.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on March 10, 2011 at 12:02 PM · Report this
GlennFleishman 8
It's theft under the laws in most states. No ambiguity about that.
Posted by GlennFleishman on March 10, 2011 at 12:08 PM · Report this
cosby 9
It's a trap. This is how "The Most Dangerous Game" begins. Run. Run NOW!
Posted by cosby on March 10, 2011 at 12:08 PM · Report this
Try to return it. It's the only morally legitimate thing to do. Politically-motivated harmful conduct is right-out.
Posted by Faber on March 10, 2011 at 12:08 PM · Report this
cosby 11
Bonus conundrum: aren't libertarians against helping other people? By returning it, you would be undermining their goal of a selfish society.
Posted by cosby on March 10, 2011 at 12:10 PM · Report this
dude, do not touch things you find in a public bathroom.
Posted by econoline on March 10, 2011 at 12:14 PM · Report this
gttim 13
Since libertarians feel it is OK to take advantage of people who are not as smart as they are- such as suckering them into signing unfavorable business contracts- I think it is only right to keep it. If he is stupid enough to leave it in a public place for somebody else to have, he is too stupid to have it. Your friend did not steal it, he found it left behind for somebody else to have.
Posted by gttim on March 10, 2011 at 12:15 PM · Report this
cubbybear 14
Libertarians don't advocate theft, as it is a violation of property rights. This post shows just how ignorant people are of what libertarianism is. Also, real libertarians don't listen to Rush Limbaugh... or Fountains of Wayne. Maybe if there was some Rush on there??? Sounds like it was owned by a former Young Republicans of America member. Just because someone is a douche doesn't mean you magically have a right to steal their stuff.
Posted by cubbybear on March 10, 2011 at 12:21 PM · Report this
gember 15
I once found a phone in a bathroom that had a confederate flag background image. Yuck. I was even more dismayed when I eventually learned it belonged to a military base police officer--not a job you want people displaying what I consider a racist symbol to hold. But I returned it; why wouldn't I?
Posted by gember on March 10, 2011 at 12:23 PM · Report this
WeeblesWobble 16
Will it blend?
Posted by WeeblesWobble on March 10, 2011 at 12:36 PM · Report this
WeeblesWobble 17
@14: You know Neil Peart grew out of his Fountainhead phase and considers that all a bit silly now, right?
Posted by WeeblesWobble on March 10, 2011 at 12:37 PM · Report this
bklyn 18
Fountains of Wayne are great. The rest is crap....but you're an asshole if you don't at least make a slight effort to return it.
Posted by bklyn on March 10, 2011 at 12:40 PM · Report this
gttim 19
Actually, Neil Peart and Rush say that the Rand inspired 2112 really only relates to artistic endeavors- trying not to let the record company dictate their art. They never have pushed libertarian economic policies.
Posted by gttim on March 10, 2011 at 12:42 PM · Report this
spaceapple 20
Finders keepers. The universe wants you to have it.
Posted by spaceapple on March 10, 2011 at 12:57 PM · Report this
Download some Savage Love podcasts then return it.
Posted by MarkH on March 10, 2011 at 1:26 PM · Report this
Post a note.
There's no reason to think that the security guards would be anymore altruistic than you are.
Posted by dirge on March 10, 2011 at 1:29 PM · Report this
Really, Slog? You're going to hate on FoW? if anything, this guy owes FoW an apology for owning their music, and you're going to be dicks? Man, when will indie kids stop eating their own?

"I hate that band I used to like because I liked them too much!"
Posted by PEM on March 10, 2011 at 1:42 PM · Report this
balderdash 24
Way to justify thievery by dehumanizing your victim. Every tin-pot dictator in history would be proud.

Does it make any sense at all to be an asshole to someone because you think that's what they would do to you when that fact is why you hate them in the first place? Stop rationalizing, and either own the fact that you're a greedy, selfish fuck, or give it back.
Posted by balderdash on March 10, 2011 at 1:59 PM · Report this
SPG 25
Return it with a note that it was found by a gay liberal or donate it to the Vera Project or liberal cause of your choice. Keeping it is just gross.
Posted by SPG on March 10, 2011 at 2:43 PM · Report this
McGee 26
Stick it up your ass and then return it. Or auction off the right to smash it and send the proceeds to Wisconsin.
Posted by McGee on March 10, 2011 at 2:53 PM · Report this
T 27
Ugh, fucking return it. Your friend is already an asshole for even thinking about keeping it; he'll be a bigger one if he actually does.
Posted by T on March 10, 2011 at 2:58 PM · Report this
At common law, this property would be considers lost (since the true owner did not likely intend to place it in the restroom) with no obligation of the finder to attempt to return it. A libertarian would view a regulatory mandate obliging the finder to turn it over to authorities as an imposition on their liberty, and would not view the finder keeping the property as engaging in the taking of the property of another with the intent to permanently deprive (i.e., theft). However, to be fair to libertarians, they might argue that you have a moral obligation to seek the owner, just that the government can't compel you to do it.
Posted by AnonymousCoward on March 10, 2011 at 2:58 PM · Report this
You're probably being video taped.
Posted by Don't you think he looks tired? on March 10, 2011 at 3:03 PM · Report this
Posted by STJA on March 10, 2011 at 3:06 PM · Report this
To quote Ayn Rand: "Mine! Mine! Mine!"
Posted by Proteus on March 10, 2011 at 3:33 PM · Report this
lostboy 32
The vote is nearly 50/50? Seriously?

Slog community, you've lost some serious points. Keeping the iPod would make the finder much more of an oxygen thief than the owner is.
Posted by lostboy on March 10, 2011 at 3:43 PM · Report this
lostboy 33
And Cienna, what conundrum? That one of my two favorite writers at The Stranger thinks this is even a question is seriously disappointing.
Posted by lostboy on March 10, 2011 at 3:45 PM · Report this
erase the contents, and fill it with Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann and Savage Love podcasts. For that extra touch, upload some fake photos of Nancy Pelosi nude and Glenn Beck fucking Rush Limbaugh.

(And at worst, this is a mild annoyance- the rightful owner can easily erase and refill it with the original content.)
Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on March 10, 2011 at 3:47 PM · Report this
Sounds like the owner should've been exercising some personal responsibility.
Posted by Thunderbird on March 10, 2011 at 4:02 PM · Report this
djx 36
@21's idea is fabulous. But I really like @7's Option D the best.
Posted by djx on March 10, 2011 at 4:20 PM · Report this
HelpMeJebus 37
What he should do is delete the contents, and replace them with Rachel Maddow podcasts, Dead Kennedys albums, and Jello Biafra spoken word.
Posted by HelpMeJebus on March 10, 2011 at 4:41 PM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 38
@33, it clearly is a conundrum for my friend. He started polling his friends, I expanded the pool because everyone--simply everyone--enjoys giving and reading anonymous advice.

Win win!
Posted by Cienna Madrid on March 10, 2011 at 4:56 PM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 39
It's 5:00 p.m.! The ayes have it!
Posted by Cienna Madrid on March 10, 2011 at 5:01 PM · Report this
I thought the headline said "What's a librarian to do?" Back to the optometrist I go. Oh, yeah - give it back. We be grown ups here.
Posted by PaulBarwick on March 10, 2011 at 5:02 PM · Report this

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